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I have a vague memory of an occasion where my brother sexually touched me, he is 6 years older than me and I must have been 5 or 6 years old when this happened, I remember agreeing to touch him too. I was wondering if this was sexual abuse? Or just curiosity ? My parents don’t know, and I didn’t really think much about it until a few years ago and it really worries me, it only happened one time
Kids are wired to be curious. That's how we figure out the world.
Being curious about sexual things is normal, particularly in a culture where there are all sorts of taboos surrounding the topic, and yet there is highly sexualised imagery everywhere and every second song on the radio refers to sex in some form or another.
If your brother was eleven or so, he was starting to go through puberty and all sorts of hormonal changes were going on in his body and affecting his brain. He was probably exposed to lots of sexual talk (most of it very ill-informed) on the school playground and wherever boys his age gathered, so him being curious was perfectly natural.
You say he did it only once. That suggests he realised that what he'd done was wrong, and he backed off. If he remembers the event at all, it's very likely that he feels ashamed about it. However, it's possible that shame has made him repress the memory, so he doesn't even remember it.
As for you agreeing to him touching you, a kid who is five or six years old has very little understanding of what's right or wrong. That's why most legal systems have an age below which a child cannot be charged with a crime. But children are far more curious about sex far earlier than most adults are comfortable thinking about. Which is why it's a cliché that kids younger than you then were end up "playing doctor" at least once.
In today's climate, absolutely anything involving sexual contact - even a one-off event between young children of the same age - is immediately branded sexual abuse by some people. I suspect that many of those who are quick to be outraged by trivial events have been triggered because they suffered something far worse in their childhood. The fact is that kids have always exposed themselves to each other and fiddled around with each other as part of their learning process. Adult-child sexual abuse is a very serious thing. But justified concern about that has extended so that some people believe that events such as the one you describe must have been a hugely traumatic and life-altering event that justifies talking to the police and filing criminal charges many years after the event.
It seems to me that what you should be asking yourself is why this vague memory bothers you. Is it because you believe it has had some long-term effect on your sexuality? Is it because you've bought into the idea that any sort of sexual contact when you're young has to be damaging? Or does the idea of being the victim of sexual abuse and being able to blame that for all that's gone wrong in your life appeal to you?
So, he was 11?
It sounds normal - probably a curiosity thing. I wouldn't consider it abuse.
Normal for kiddoes to experiment and play games like doctor or house. What bothers me is the big age gap differnce between you two.
Well there was almost certainly curiosity involved and in my opinion if an older child initiated it then it was abuse, but probably not at the most serious end of the scale.
I was touched sexually by my older brother when he was about that age and I was a lot younger than you were with your brother, and also only once, but even though I physically enjoyed it I was adversely affected by it well into middle age, at which time I had specific counselling for it. If it's worrying you, I'd suggest you look for some counselling through a Sexual Assault Centre: the fact that you agreed to touch him too doesn't mean you're not adversely affected by it. I find it interesting that you didn't think about it much for many years, because I totally forgot for decades about the incident with my brother and apparently that's not uncommon.
Please don't procrastinate for ever about seeking help: I wish I'd done so much sooner than I did, because I'm sure that if I had done so I wouldn't have stuffed up so many relationships.
My brother did the same. I thought it was normal, but I'm the one who stopped it after a little while. Now, when my boyfriend and I are just kissing, I get flashbacks from it. I can't say anything because it was a mutual decision. We agreed to never speak of it again, but I feel so gross. We never had sex, but we touched each other. We were 4 and 5.
Two of my brothers did that too when I was about 7 years old and they were 5-6 years older than me. I occasionaly think about it and I get so sick in my stomach and I feel disgusting and ashamed. They don’t know that they both did it in the same time period and it took it’s toll on me. One day they both molested me (not at the same time). I did not know how to stop it or how to say no. I told my mom when I was ten and she got FURIOUS. She said that if it would happen again, she would contact the child services and send the away. Love you mom❤️
What type of touching are we talking about? "Touched in a sexual way" is too vauge for me to go by.