Is it normal that my husband wants to have sex while we are fighting?

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My husband of 25 years and I just had a pretty big fight 2 hours ago where he basically listed all the ways in which I'm a terrible person and everything I do that's wrong over something stupid. He had agreed to have a contractor do a small necessary remodel in the house and when I said the date was coming up he went nuts, I said "no big deal, we can cancel" he started yelling that I wasn't right in the head to want the remodel and then listed the ways I'm wrong/bad. We haven't spoken since then but he's been all cheery chatting at the dogs, etc. As he was going to bed he yelled, "Goodnight Dear, I'll be upstairs if you want to have sex". We haven't had sex in a couple weeks and a couple months before that. Things are not good. He chooses now to ask for sex and in such a weird way?

Part of me thinks he's putting it out there so when I don't go up, he can say that he was rejected.

He's a complete narc by the way and fits the DSM-V criteria. He's not aware but I'll be divorcing him soon.

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Comments ( 6 )
  • ThatOneGuyYouNeverWantToMeet
    3 years ago

    "He chooses now to ask for sex and in such a weird way?"

    He more than likely said that just to piss you off. If i'm in an argument & I know something will make someone angry, you can bet i'm going to say it.

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  • a-curious-bunny
    3 years ago

    Good luck with the divorce sounds like a good idea to get one

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  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    It sounds like your husband is a piece of shit, moron, but narcissists do tend to be that way. How long have you been with this jackass? Do you have any kids? If you don't have any kids it might be a good idea to cut your losses.

    It's also quite common for narcissistic abusers to attempt to use children, and pets against their partners.

    What are you doing to take care of yourself?

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    • Goldendoodlegirl
      3 years ago

      Too fucking long. 31 years together. 25 married. Two kids who are adult(ish) they are in college, they know what's up. I stayed because he never used to show his true colors around them. Now he's letting them see what he's really like so I have no more protecting I can do.

      I was planning my divorce in January of 2020 for the spring but then covid hit and everyone was home and one spent a semester home. She should be heading back soon and then I'll start the divorce, he can scream and yell all he wants if the kids aren't home.

      Thanks for asking about me and my care. I'm trying to go for walks and I'm seeing a psychologist virtually. I realized my self-hate comes from him and now that I realize that I can start to like myself again. I just don't like who he tells me I am.

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      • RoseIsabella
        3 years ago

        I wish you all the success in the world, and I hope that you find the best divorce attorney, and clean up in court! Now we just have to wait for an end to all of this Covid 19 stuff.

        My most recent ex-boyfriend was a narcissistic abuser, and in the beginning he was so charming, and really came off as a knight in shining armor type. He was wonderful until I moved halfway across the country for his crazy ass. I honestly think if a person seems too good to be true then they probably are. He was mostly verbally, and emotionally abusive, but then one day he was screaming, and yelling at me so much that as soon as he turned his back I grabbed my phone, and walked out the front door. His dumbass went after me, and dragged me back to the house by the back strap of the sports bra I was wearing. He dragged me down the street, and up the driveway like an animal! Again, as soon as he let go of me, and turned his back I ran with my phone, and locked myself in the camper that was on the property, and immediately dialed 911.

        Now that bastard has a criminal record, but I'm just glad that I was able to leave him! I haven't had any interest in dating anyone for more than three years, and I don't know if I ever will again, but I'm really happy, and grateful to be living alone with my Siamese cat! It's very rare for me to ever feel lonely these days. I honestly see being a solitary, and single woman as a blessing. 😇🙏🏻🕊💓🌹

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        • Goldendoodlegirl
          3 years ago

          Wow! I'm glad you were able to leave, what a bastard. They do come off as completely charming and then they turn into something gross.

          I can't see having much of a desire to date after this, at least not for a while. A life with me and my cat seems perfectly fine! I'll have to bring the two dogs along for the ride and the tank of fish that belong to my daughter, but we'll have a happy existence. <3

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