Is it normal that my life is at a standstill?

I am not sure exactly when my life started to veer into this direction, but it used to be that my life seemed to be quite functional, despite living in a very dysfunctional environment. I was motivated and I excelled in my studies. I was more socially outgoing too.

This is not to say that I didn't have problems because I did. However these problems didn't greatly effect my ability to properly function in life. These past few years, ever since I took an ill-fated trip to Europe, I haven't been the same. My life has been declining. I am finding it increasingly difficult to live a properly functioning life.

I have been experiencing a slew of neurological issues ever since I was a child, but it is of late that they really seem to be intensifying.

I keep focusing on the future yet, I am unable to make the steps that would lead me such an future. I'd like to think that I am making these efforts, but when I think about it, I am not. Sometimes, it is difficult for me to tell whether or not I am truly making these steps or if I am believing that I am through an delusion.

I can barely focus. I can only focus if I take certain supplements, but I often can't remember and/or make the time to take these things.

I've been told that I obsess too much about things that I either don't have time for or that are not important at all. That I need to obsess about other more important things. I often believe myself to be obsessing about these important things when it will turn out that I am actually not.

It upsets me that the friends I used to have, seem to have so much going on in there lives, whereas I don't. Its not that I am jealous of them. What upsets me is how my life could have gotten so derailed. I would love to reconnect with them, but because of my current situation, I am ashamed. If I did reconnect with them, I'd probably find myself unfortunately lying about my current situation.

I want to better my situation, but motivation seems to be extremely difficult for me to come by and even more difficult to hold onto. I used to have role models, but now I have none. I did have someone, who is important to me, to ask if they could take on the role of the first strong, good and functional adult in my life. As much as this flattered me at the time, I have been unable to properly feel the effects that such an offer should entail. It is my problem, not theirs, as I seem to be unable to make a proper emotional connection to this. I want to make this person proud, but I am probably failing miserably at this.

I feel as if my entire life has been a lie. (I have good reasons to believe this) I no longer seem to know who I am anymore. It's almost as if I am no longer in control over my body or as if I am under some sort of enchantment. I would very much like to break this spell and get my life back on track, but I don't know how to do this. Is this normal?