Is it normal that my only real fear is that life repeats?
I don't mean it's the only thing I fear (I'm scared of lots of things, like spiders), but it's the only thing that actually keeps me up at night, and a few times I've been on the brink of tears thinking about it.
Let me explain:
Everyone knows about the big bang - the primordial expansion of matter that produced the universe as we know it. The universe has been expanding since the beginning, and will continue to expand until all the energy in the universe is exhausted, an event called heat death.
One of the main theories for what will happen then is that the universe will begin contracting until it has returned to the state it was in before the big bang, at which point the big bang will happen again.
If this happens, all matter will have to move in the same way it did after the previous big bang - randomness isn't a real thing and as we understand it the universe is mechanical, meaning that all events in the universe are predictable given knowledge of the motion of the matter expanding with the big bang (impossible to have such knowledge in accordance with the uncertainty principle, but that's beside the point).
My point is, if the big bang happens again, all of life as we know it will repeat over and over again for eternity.
The source of my deepest horror and my single greatest all-consuming fear is that I have to live the same life again and again and again and again.
Is it normal?