Is it normal that whilst high on speed i basically turn gay?

I’m in my early 50s and have struggled with drugs 20 of those years. I was molested at a early age, anally raped for lack of a better word. Ever since I’ve been worried that I could possibly be gay because I felt a level of pleasure during the rape. Fast forward to my adult years and when I did my first line of speed or ever took an adderall I must either seek out a gay sex partner or at the very least is get a butt plug and stuff it up there until I come back down. It’s all consuming. From watching gay porn nonstop high though I hate any version of porn when sober. I do not find men attractive in the least only their cocks that I need inside me when spun. I do my best to totally abstain from speed/meth most all the time due to what it’s done to me. My wife and family knows the issue and try to understand. I’m comfortable with the fact I’m bisexual. Is it normal or am I alone. I know I’m not having spoken to others about it. Just wanting to hear what you guys think..