Is it normal to always fear abandonment?

69% Normal
2 Comments

For as long as I can remember I have always been afraid that people would leave me so I've never tried to get close to more than a few people. Even with my best friend, when he says something like "hey can I just have today to myself?" I automatically assume I'm doing something wrong and he doesn't want to be around me. The closer I am to someone and the stronger our relationship, the more I feel like I'm going to be abandoned.

Voting Results
69% Normal
Based on 32 votes (22 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • DADNSCAL
    11 years ago

    I totally agree with Prose, and I think you need yo examine you dependency on others.

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  • ProseAthlete
    11 years ago

    The more tightly you grip someone's hand, the more that person will want to pull away. It's a natural reaction to being squeezed too tightly. When your friend wants a day to himself, that doesn't mean you've done anything wrong; it's a normal way of easing the pressure of a close friendship.

    It's tough not to internalize that and feel as though it's related to you and something you've done, but if you step outside yourself and see it from a more dispassionate perspective, you'll probably feel less hurt by it. Don't you sometimes relish your alone time? If you do, does it mean you don't like your friends or they wronged you somehow?

    If it helps, think of time apart from people as giving them a chance to miss you. :)

    If your abandonment fears are severe enough that they damage your relationships with other people or keep you from forming relationships out of anxiety, it may be time to talk to a professional about it. Anyone who's suffered a lot of loss in life can develop abandonment issues, and sometimes a little counseling can help overcome that.

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