Is it normal to be a recluse/hermit all throughout your 20s?

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5 Comments

Since I was 17, and moved with my parents to the outskirts of town I stopped going out and quit school.This happened after I was sexually exploited by a boyfriend at age 14 (i was a virgin before that) and then dumped and had to find new friends. My self esteem went down and I even wet the bed every night from 14 to 24 yrs old.Even tho I found new friends in between, I my self esteem was so low that I would end in tears when going out any way and a nervous wreck. So I ended up not going out in my 20s, I got used to the habit of living in comfort and not having anyone to go out with. Although when I was 24, I found a guy-friend online and flew interstate for the first time to meet him, which ended in disaster as of all I accomplished to get there, he forced himself on me and pointed out everything he didnt like about me from day one ( my looks, shynees, body,the way I talked) he was emotionally abusive and led me on a chain and ball, I thought I was in a relationship and forgave everything, but I wasnt I was used and abused and ended up in a nervous breakdown and recovery took 3 years. Now I am 28 and feel very sad and frustrated because I am so far behind and have no social relationships except for my family, I still live with my parents and it's as if I am a kid. I feel too embaressed to approach people because of my situation and because I am still so supressed from my needs and it is very obvious, esp when I still live with my parents. I am only just getting my driver's license and having worked before, I've only studied on and off or been mentally ill. I find it upsetting to see so many people around me with long term friendships and relationships, even my sister is pregnant and now married. I feel i have waisted my life since I was 14 and 17. I want to have children one day and want to get out of this hermit lifestyle where I hate being stuck isolated and unable to go anywhere because of transport and stuck with my parents with hardly any privacy.

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40% Normal
Based on 50 votes (20 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • Ldizzy1234
    12 years ago

    :( People are real assholes! And Devilla is right, you've taken the first step already.

    And don't feel embarrassed. You are emotionally and mentally hurt/scarred. You can't help that. You sound like a really sweet person who deserves more then I can say most should. It sounds like you got taken for quite a ride by those guys. Thats just like an asshole, to point out a persons weaknesses and pick at them shamelessly. What a dick!

    And when it comes to whatever you want to do, whatever you want to change for the better, it's never too late. Especially if you're 28 now, because 28 really isn't as old as you think.

    :)

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  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    you've taken the first step you are unhappy and want things to change. you can turn this all around but it will be work. think of it as work. you will have to have a plan of attack. list the things you want out of life. you need some type of career, do you have interests? if not dont worry pick something slightly intersting and stick to it. you might have to study for it but thats ok, its not a waste of time. start there.
    if you are studying or training get a part time job, anything . if there are no prospects where you live, move. once you are starting to address your financial future other things will fall into place ie contacts and aquaintences, you might not make friends at first, but it will happen.
    you have to be brave and daring and keep slogging away at yr insecurities. it will be hard work. prepare for that good luck

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  • Isabella80s
    11 years ago

    Hey, I've just seen this post because I was researching nervous breakdowns (which is really an umbrella term for mental health issues.) Really feel for you and I hope you have or are coming to terms with your situation. How are things now? I'm wondering if you still need to talk about things and I'm sure there are others here who would be willing to talk even though this is an older post that didn't get much attention. I hope you're managing to regain control of your life... can't let those abusive guys you were with own it forever. It's yours.

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  • Lomns
    11 years ago

    And oh yeah. Things will get better over time. Do you see a therapist?

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  • Lomns
    11 years ago

    you studied off and on or been mentally ill? what? Anyway and first of all, there is nothing wrong with living wih your parents, especially if you are a woman. I can see if you were a guy, it would be worse. Your situation is very similar to mine. I suffer with depression plus agoraphobia which makes getting help even worse because I refuse to leave thr house sometimes. I am 27 and with my mother as well but to top it all off I a guy which is embarrassing. I have finished my first 2 years of college and wish I could finish the final 2 I need in order to graduate but my illness wont allow me too. Its as if I am possessed. I am sorry you have to go through this.

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