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hi, im just wondering if anyone has this. ive been doing it secretly for 10 years. i get some drinks some coke and watch porn check chat cams and masturbate for hours. feels so good almmost like im there fucking them
It's not normal, but it's unfortunately quite common. You are probably a addicted to cocaine, as well as addicted to pornography, and masturbation. I'm sure it feels good, but it's extremely unhealthy, and not normal.
You need to enter recovery for drug, and sex addiction.
https://saa-recovery.org/
http://m.na.org/
https://ca.org/
http://spaa-recovery.org/
You might not like what I have to say, but trust me it's for the best.
+1 what BlackButler said. I was addicted to crack cocaine for 10 years and found myself in an ICU twice. I haven't touched the stuff for 35 years but now I'm experiencing the long-term effects he mentioned. Yes, it seemed to bring out and amplify my deepest darkest sexual fantasies, including cross-dressing and excessive masturbation to hard-core porn. And since I quit smoking coke, I have been diagnosed with chronic depression and a hardening of the lining around my heart. I know coke cut at least 10 years off my life. Not worth the sexual depravity. Seek professional help, please!
Yes it’s normal
As in many people do it. But it’s not healthy long term. for multiple reasons. I won’t list unless
Prompted to.
cocaine is bad for your heart and generally toxic to your system, the longer and more often you use it, the worse the damage to your health. That being said, plenty of long term users out there who don’t send their live down the drain entirely... but if you want good health after 40, better to give it up, you just don’t stay resilient forever. Cocaine floods your brain with dopamine and after long term use your Brain may not be Able to regulate dopamine on its own, consequences of that are issues with sleep, motivation, arousal (physical or otherwise), depression, emotional regulation and so on, the damage to the brain can make you plain stupid. I realize feeling stupid is often a welcome effect but the sad part is you miss out on your own potential because you just aren’t up to speed, you won’t be able to enjoy ordinary things as much. Life can be terribly hard and painful and so the little things count, especially as you get older. If and when in a serious relationship one might encounter that they can’t feel the same level of satisfaction sober and mentally / emotionally present with a partner, so that’s a loss for sure, since relationships (Good healthy ones) can bring So much happiness. On the spiritual level, the drug numbs out the lower levels of consciousness (anger, fear, shame etc) and so we experience bliss (compounded by sexual pleasure - no shame in that btw - to feel good) but the problem is one mistakes the drug for the cause of the happiness. Really it is blocking out your suffering conscious or unconscious (we all suffer to varying degrees from our ego and left over animal/survival nature). In order to have long term happiness and even bliss that won’t hurt your health or suppress your darker side (thereby amplifying it) you would need to actually do the “shadow work” as Carl Jung the great psychologist called it and go through the darkness and come out the other side, where your consciousness will
Actually be higher (experiential Joy) without having to shut off the lower levels to witness what is already there. You think you are experiencing joy or bliss from drugs and porn. What you are experiencing is your true nature (yes your true spiritual nature is beyond even sexual ecstasy) because the drugs have blocked out the suffering. so therefor, you are improperly understanding yourself, your happiness and your potential, while amplifying a problem over time and damaging your body and brain. Also perhaps avoiding real relationships and the challenges that come with them. It’s sort of like cheating at the life, and life is a hard thing to do. So I don’t blame anyone.