Is it normal to be afraid of having kids cuz of a death in the family
So, I have a girlfriend that I love very much, VERY much. She has an issue though, and Im not sure what will help her.
Her brother died suddenly two years ago in a jet skiing accident and it was horribly tragic for her and her family.
Her mother still cries and my gf still cried over it...the family is definitely not over that death.
I love her and want to marry her, and I feel terrible about what happened to their family and I wouldnt wish it upon anybody. Im sure this has happened to millions and millions of families throughout the ages, and people have moved on.
We have talked about kids, how much she wants them...she has even picked out names and decided how many she wants. We want to start a family...but lately she tells me she doesnt want kids ever because of what happened to her brother and how much pain it has caused everyone in the family. She says if she has kids it will make her miss her brother soo much more, and she will be so overprotective of her kids, and always fear they will end up dying. I understand her thoughts, but she has to overcome this fear, and realize its an irrational way to think. Death is on every parents mind, if everyone thought the way my gf thinks, then eventually the human race would become extinct.
I know deep down she wants kids, but the death of her brother is preventing her...she cant get over her fear and cant seem to move on. Her brothers death was 2 years ago...Ive never lost a brother, sister, or parents, and I agree it must be the worst feeling to have a parent bury their child, but I disagree that this fear should prevent someone from having a child.
We talk about this, but I cant change the way she feels or thinks, and I dont know what she needs to do. I told her maybe she should go to therapy, and she told me she went after her brother died and felt worse every time she had therapy because of the memories she had to talk about.
What should she do? I want kids. Im 30 and she'll be 28 in July. I love her and dont want to leave her but when we first starting dating she never mentioned any of this fear and all we talked about was our future babies.