Is it normal to be afraid of sex after being raped?
| NO | 47 | |
| Yes | 474 | |
| Maybe | 69 |
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Shodex
It's incredibly normal. Sex can stir up memories of being raped in a heartbeat. If you or a friend have been raped, it's very normal to fear sex. It will take time to get over it, sometimes you just wont.
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icanhascheezburger
Many people are simply not prepared to manage in an intimate physical or sexual relationship environment after they have been raped or assaulted. Some will go to extreme measures to "prove" that the incident didn't effect them too much and as a result will go to exceptional lengths to assert a promiscuous attitude. Others will simply back away from contact, emotionally or physically- sort of a "grin and bear it" or "run and hide" approach. The victim has a great deal to handle in learning to trust others and feel safe again. They may feel betrayed, worthless, frightened to open up to friends and family, self- judgemental or self-critical, even suicidal.
The best way to determine whether or not they are "touch-ready" is to ask. Always ask before touching them. At a certain point in their healing process they are trying to determine how they feel about many things that they didn't have the chance to discover or control before. What used to be acceptable to them may have changed in their view. Healing is an ongoing process; it changes constantly. Never assume that anything that was okay for them before is still okay.
Often there are so many reactions at the same time, they may have trouble registering how they feel. Any reactions that they display are considered "normal" under the circumstances. If they are displaying any of the previous attitudes or behaviors, they are probably not quite ready to resume any sort of sexual activity; even though they may not realize it yet. When they feel ready to resume any sexual activity is entirely up to them. There may be intermittent progress where the victim will be fine with some activities one day, and the next day may not be emotionally prepared for even a simple hug or kiss.
It is important to realize that they are already feeling "different" enough. Judging their behavior is not helping them to recover. You can distance yourself from their behavioral pattern by accepting it for what it is- a reaction to past or present internal or external stimulation. It is not directed toward you.
It is fairly common for a victim to seem interested in sexual activity until a certain point, then suddenly seem as though they have disappeared into space. This is likely to register as rejection to you. Try to understand that this behavior is simply a defense mechanism rearing it's ugly head. Patience and understanding and a willingness to stop until they are more aware or less distant can be immensely helpful in reducing the stress related to these situations.Comment Hidden ( show )-
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Ellenna
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icanhascheezburger
Asking if they would like to stop, or asking what they are thinking or feeling can help identify what is triggering that behavior. Allowing them to determine which boundaries are comfortable and which feelings and expressions are acceptable is essential. Always remember the body and person you are loving belongs to someone else and they have the right to determine how it is treated, if at all.
If at any time you feel that they're not responding in a manner that seems realistic or you suspect they are in emotional or physical distress, by all means, please be kind enough to ask how they are feeling. If at any point you are asked to stop, believe it is necessary for their well-being that you do so. It absolutely is. Any time you allow them to be in control, it increases the chances that they will recover more quickly and fully.
An inconsiderate partner can re-route all the previously-done healing back to square one. Encourage them to be guiding and vocal about what they feel comfortable with. You should probably not attempt to experiment unless you are very familiar with their triggers.
You can find out what they wish you to do when he or she is having a panic attack or in the grip of some memory by being prepared for that to happen. Beforehand, asking them questions like "What would you like me to do when ______ happens?" may be helpful. Expect them not to know what will help. Offer to hold them in a non-threatening posture, or provide a comforting object for them to hold. Allow them to move freely to a position that feels more emotionally and physically comfortable for them. Try not to feel rejected if they choose to move away from you. Being suddenly and powerfully overwhelmed with emotions in a frightening way can force some victims to take a step backward in their healing. This is not necessarily a reflection on you; many times it is simply a way for the victim to re-integrate that emotion into their lives on a less threatening basis.
Expect them to cry or have other emotional outbursts at the drop of a hat, and not to understand why or how they came to feel that way. It is rare for someone newly on the healing path to be able to distinguish how or why they feel something in a particular way at any given moment. Often there is some remaining sense of not feeling in control or sense of shame that can linger, even after they are feeling well for a long time.Comment Hidden ( show )
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Queeny
Is it normal to be afraid of sharks after you've been attacked by one? Oh my bad, I thought we were playing the "questions with obvious answers" game...
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legendary27
What the hell does that mean?
Being molested is a very traumatic thing and can even lead to death by the victim, how is that any different or not as bad as a shark attack?
People like you with your fucked up mentality are the reason this world is going to hell in a hand basket.Comment Hidden ( show )
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morbidkreation
Yes this is very normal. After being raped you lose a lot of trust for the people around you. Sex takes a lot of trust. The person that has been raped should try getting into a support group and maybe even a psychologist. Wait until your ready to have sex again and don't try pushing yourself too hard to have sex.
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Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress
Yes. that's normal
I remember reading one woman's stories on relations with her husband. it took a lot of time and counseling before she could enjoy relations with him again. not to mention a lot of understanding on his part, and a willingness to stop whenever she started to panic
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XxKatiexX
Yeah completely normal!! My sister was raped when she was 15 and she was terrified to have sex because she was a virgin when she was raped and she was scared it would hurt and stufff
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PayDay
One of my exes had ptsd from being rapped and she started freaking out from flash backs our 3rd time
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WordWizard
Yes it is. You are going to have some trauma from the indecent. It is also normal that some victims develop PTSD(Post traumatic stress disorder)after a thing like this happening to them.
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spiritguide24
it's totally normal! im the same way. but this isnt about me! it's totally normal! but the only way 2 get through thata phase is therapy! and maybe a personal sychologist! ik it's the same thing. technically in some ways it's not! i would know!
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EbonySheep
Of course. If you have a negative experience with an action/thing/person, you are bound to connect that action/thing/person (in this case sex). Just make sure any future partner understands that s/he has to take it slow, and hopefully, slowly, the two of you can overshadow that bad memory with good ones.
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onyx132
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Lizardkinz