Is it normal to be afraid to have kids?

83% Normal
6 Comments

I've been with my wife for almost 15 years. When she reached the age of 40 she suddenly became set on having kids. She had never even talked about it before now. To be honest, I had never even seriously thought about it until she brought it up, and I was shocked how quickly her viewpoint changed from indifferent to wanting to have kids right now. When I seemed reluctant, she basically told me that she would find another man to do it or get in vitro fertilization using sperm from a sperm bank if I don't want to do it. Every time I try to express my feelings, she cuts me off and repeats the above. We always had a good relationship before now, so I don't want to mess it up; however I am afraid of becoming a father. For one thing, I am between jobs so I am worried about being able to support kids. Also, I am not even excited about having them. In fact, I would be totally fine if I never had kids. There's nothing wrong with kids, I just don't think they are for me. I am also 40 years old by the way. I have even thought about giving her a divorce so she can find someone else and be happy if I can't go through with it. Is it normal to feel this way? Do people have kids who feel this way and change their minds?

Voting Results
83% Normal
Based on 58 votes (48 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • com999
    12 years ago

    If she doesn't have the kid she might get over the feelng soon after menopause occurs which is probably creeping up on her at the moment.

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  • NocturnePonyFan
    12 years ago

    Don't have kids with her just because she wants them. It's your life as well, and even if she gets IVF, she'll sure as hell make you take responsibility for it when it's born. If you don't want kids, I think that's wonderful ^_^ If she's dead-set on reproducing and you're not, then it might be worth finding a CF woman to be with. You never know if she may be the kind of woman who will trap you with an "oopsy". I know someone who ended up reproducing because her partner wanted a kid. Ever since the kid was born, she's been absolutely miserable, and she regrets the decision to keep the baby just for the sake of her partner. Now she resents the hell out of her partner and her kid. It's not worth it if your heart's not in it. Everyone says "Oh your feelings will change when you see your baby for the first time." My friend is living proof that's not always the case.

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  • emotionalwreck4ever
    12 years ago

    Totally, my husband was 19 & i was 17 when we had our son. He wasnt ready at all until he held his son he loves him alot and it made our relationship ever more better, you only live once :)

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  • Shimmers
    9 years ago

    You should want kids !

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  • joybird
    12 years ago

    Her biological clock is ticking very loudly at the moment. She will take most to do with the child and (if it happens) you will love it like nothing else on this earth.

    Calm yourself down! As long as you two have a good relationship then you will / may be bringing a child into a happy home.

    Very few men worry to this extent.

    If I were you, I'd think about it and consider if it's worth losing her over. (Don't forget, it may not happen.)

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  • Shackleford96
    12 years ago

    Of course it's normal for you to be nervous about having kids! It's not normal for her to be so disregarding of your nervousness/uncertainty though. I can understand her anxiousness though, because she might be worried there's not much time left for her to have kids.

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