Is it normal to be annoyed at her?

67% Normal

To give some background, I've been working with one of my best friends for years; we have also been very close running buddies for the past 1.5 years. I constantly babysit her child so she can vacation and go to concerts, I listen to all of her problems, I even come over her house once a week to watch her child, help clean her home, cook a meal, and help her get in exercise.
Well, now to the story: two weeks ago was her birthday. After hearing that she wasn't going to get anything from her husband (they're going through a rough patch), I felt really bad for her. So I dashed to the store and bought flowers, a small bottle of champagne, small cake, card and brought it into her office. I even got together with another friend of hers and organized a birthday dinner.
Fast forward two weeks, and now it's my birthday. I've been disclosing my birthday plans with her for the past 6 months.
Yesterday she hits me with the news that she will not be attending my birthday dinner (where children are welcomed) or my party. This is because she spontaneously booked a trip to a beautiful beach 4 days before my birthday... She then told me that she will not be getting me anything either because she's in a "budget" (she is the CEO of a company btw) & is "worried" it's going to make everyone in the office feel bad if she got me something and not them....
Don't get me wrong, I never gave her gifts with the intention of getting anything back. It was just a small gesture that showed my friendship. I didn't even expect a gift, I just really wanted her to show up to my party. I figured within 6 months she could find *2 hours* out of her day. Especially because she carves out time to vacation out of town or state every. single. weekend.
Her actions, or rather, lack there of really bothers me and makes me feel like I should take some distance from her. Is it normal to be annoyed or am I making a mountain out a mole hill?

Voting Results

67% Normal

Based on 18 votes (12 yes)

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Comments ( 13 )

you_go_glen_coco

7 years ago

You are Dwight and she is... the jew guy who plays the lead role in the BBC hit sitcom "The Office".

You mean well and do things for her but you think it's because she accepts you as a friend.
She doesn't.
She sees you as an employee with benefits.

She doesn't deserve your unconditional sweetsweet possessive love...
And you should show her how cold a shoulder can get.

Be strictly professional.

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finn

7 years ago

I'd be offended. When any relationship feels one sided, I'd dump that person. Reciprocation is key to any relationship.

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RoseIsabella

7 years ago

She's a selfish person, I would start pulling back from her. It sounds like you're there for her, but she's not returning the favor. Start spending more time working yourself and doing self-care and much less time being there for her. I would especially step away from the babysitting stuff. If I were you I wouldn't do her any favors outside of work if you aren't getting paid for it.

I'm sure I probably sound cold to some people here, but if she ain't scratching your back don't scratch hers. The time you spend helping her outside of work might be better served if you took a class or got a massage or something. I personally think she might have started to take you for granted. As hard as it might be to do try not to take it personally. Try not to offer her any unsolicited advice, opinions and or help. Try not to volunteer yourself nor allow her to volunteer you for her personal projects outside of work. Work on cultivating your own personal and private life. Love yourself!

Is it possible that you might think your friendship with her is closer and deeper than she thinks it is. I would advise you to be professional in the workplace, but try to start detaching with love in your private life outside of the workplace. I also think that it's possible that ya'll might be codependent with each other.

Check out this website:
http://coda.org/

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- thatonebitch69
  
  7 years ago
  
  Thanks a lot, great advice!
  
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  - RoseIsabella
    
    7 years ago
    
    You're very welcome!
    
    Here are some books that have helped me greatly in my life:
    
    *Codependent No More by Melody Beattie
    
    *Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
    
    *Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good for You and Avoid Those That Aren't by Henry Cloud and John Townsend
    
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    - worm
      
      7 years ago
      
      Awwwwww. I like you :-)
      
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      - RoseIsabella
        
        7 years ago
        
        Thanks wormy.
        
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Francisf

7 years ago

Mess her up, next time you go round bring a fish or a dead mouse with you and hide it somewhere she can't find it
Sometime in the future make a comment which will make her think maybe you were the saboteur but without you admitting it .

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mysistersshadow

7 years ago

It sounds like you really do have expectations.

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- thatonebitch69
  
  7 years ago
  
  Yeah, for her to show up. I said I didn't expect a gift. That's because she's my friend, not because I got her anything.
  
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  - mysistersshadow
    
    7 years ago
    
    Ppl make other plans it probly has nothing to do with you shes just living her life.
    
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    - RoseIsabella
      
      7 years ago
      
      Yeah, but it sounds like she's also taking advantage OP, or at the very least she's taking OP for granted. I guess my hope and prayer for OP would be that she learn to love and value herself more so she can live her life more deliberately especially during her precious free time.
      
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      - mysistersshadow
        
        7 years ago
        
        The way I see it is that no one can take advantage of you if you don't let them. I have no idea why the OP would give so much in the first place especially since it doesn't sound like its ever been a healthy relationship. I can't fathom why the OP is surprised or whatever by the inconsiderate behavior its exactly what I would expect from the other party.
        
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Is it normal to be annoyed at her?