Is it normal to be extremely attracted to your first cousin?

As children, my cousin and I were not very close as we live in different countries and I would only talk to girls.
It wasn't until I was 16 and he was 14, when I came to visit that we became quite close. He was funny and I never saw him without a smile. We were too young to be going out on our own so we spent most of our time upstairs in his house surfing the net or napping.
I remember he used to try to get me to close my eyes so that when I kissed him, he would move his face so it would land on his lips. I did not understand what it all meant and I felt as if we had a completely platonic relationship.
However, I believe he was merely physically attracted to me. We tried to keep in contact after I left but it did not work as I grew busier studying at University and dating.
It was a month ago that my family went up to celebrate my grandpa's 80th birthday that we met again, 6 years later. He was friendly, kind and funny just as I remembered him, but with a matured edge. We quickly became close and I started to grow fairly attached to him, which brought on the daydreams about kissing him.
I also noticed little things he would do that demonstrated he felt the same. He would always hold my hand as I napped in secret, caress my cheek, smell my hair and draw circles on my arms.
It was all quite innocent and I kept telling myself that it was wrong, it would not even work out, he did not feel that way and if he was interested, it was my appearance, not me (I'm not gorgeous, but apparently for their small town, I am quite pretty).
Then my last few days in town loomed, his mum insisted I stay over, so I did and in the mornings, I came out to lie beside him on the couch to cuddle and he would randomly shower kisses across my face. I think we both knew that the attraction was there, but we were unsure about how strong it was, I deeply care for him and he is the type of person I would want in a lover, but our cousin relationship kept me at bay.
On my very last morning, we woke up extremely early to cuddle before I left. He kept puling my hair to the side as I moved my head to hide my face from him, but he managed to trail kisses down my face and he would linger at my lips. I laughed because I was trying to play it off as a joke, but then I started pecking his lips as I do with my younger cousins, because I felt that I could treat him the same way.
Having said that, his lips opened up to capture mine and my automatic response was to reciprocate, but then I froze, jumped off the couch, started mumbling under my breath and ran to the bathroom to start hitting myself in the head.
He came to find me, treated me exactly the same and suggested I go down to say goodbye to the family, on the way down the stairs, he caught my reflection in the mirror touching my lips with a dazed look on my face and we both knew what happened was nowhere platonic.
We headed back upstairs after I said my goodbyes, he kept pushing hair away from my face and drying my tears with his finger tips, but then he started to kiss my face again.
I was going out of my mind with attraction and it became quite passionate as he pressed me closer, placed me on the couch and followed, but I pushed away harder this time and I asked him what we were doing. He asked what I meant and said that it was okay, then I had to leave.
I have not been able to stop thinking about him or the kiss since and it is doing my head in because I am so confused about what I want from him. I had planned on a working holiday in the city near our family town, but I am afraid of what could happen if we're in the same province.
We spent most of the evening on skype tonight and I just wanted to ask him why he kissed me in the first place but I'm afraid that it will ruin our relationship if I question it.

Voting Results
61% Normal
Based on 178 votes (109 yes)
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Comments ( 26 )
  • Energy

    That sucks that you fell so hard for him.. No, it's not considered normal but hey, whatever makes you happy! If you love him THAT much then try things out.. It doesn't matter what other people think as long as you two are happy!!!

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    • drtywiteboy

      Energy, I can be friends with you.

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  • WildUtopia

    You're not going to have mal-formed children I looked it up and actually it can actually enhance certain features of each parent....the good features. This may be considered a radical idea but I read about it in the book "woman's evolution" by Evelyn reed on page 7. Haha yeah I Gots evidence ;-)

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  • Charmo

    Fuck that was hot

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    • drtywiteboy

      lol i want to hear how this ends!

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  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

    It's LEGAL in many states.

    As long as you're both over 18 follow your hearts and love each other to the fullest.

    http://www.ncsl.org/issues-research/human-services/state-laws-regarding-marriages-between-first-cousi.aspx

    Here's the states it's legal in:

    Alabama
    Alaska
    California
    Colorado
    Connecticut
    District of Columbia
    Florida
    Georgia
    Hawaii
    Maryland
    Massachusetts
    New Jersey
    New Mexico
    New York
    North Carolina* (Double cousin prohibited)
    Rhode Island
    South Carolina
    Tennessee
    Vermont
    Virginia

    Arizona- if both are 65 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.
    Illinois- if both are 50 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.
    Indiana- if both are at least 65.
    Maine- if couple obtains a physician's certificate of genetic counseling.
    Utah- if both are 65 or older, or if both are 55 or older and one is unable to reproduce.
    Wisconsin- if the woman is 55 or older, or one is unable to reproduce.

    if you live elsewhere when you are of age move to where you can marry :)

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    • Its_Called_Love

      lol Cousins can marry and all that jazz in Canada. :P

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    • malkiot

      It's also legal in most other countries and even though unusual nowadays, isn't unheard of. In fact, 10% of marriages worldwide are first cousing marriages (wiki). So I'd say normal...

      you should go for a prenatal diagnosis if you're planning to have children though, as the risk of malformed children is (slightly) higher than as if you weren't related. ;)

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      • Its_Called_Love

        Yeah, a Genetic Counsellor, they look at your chances of having a health baby.

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      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

        some countries go even farther than that and allow for (or at least don't prosecute) SIBLING sexual relations.

        France took it off the books over a hundred years ago (although they cannot marry).
        Holland still has it on the books but won't prosecute
        and Sweden went go for broke and gave siblings full rights to marry each other

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        • malkiot

          IMO that's alright. If people want to copulate with each other they should, they should however also take the neccessary precautions as not to give birth to disabled children. They should also consider the effects their relationship will have on the child etc. ;)

          It may be morally wrong, but morals are defined by society, they aren't absolute and they certainly aren't right, nothing is and they shouldn't restrict what someone is allowed to do. I'm glad the Swedes recognised that fact.

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  • SoccerStud88

    i've never been EXTREMELY attracted, but i have been kind of attracted.

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  • MCS

    I personally say wait a while to see if it stays.

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  • fetalposition

    I was so turned on by this. lol

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  • Free-spirit

    I was traveling in America for the last 3 weeks with my best friend and she noticed the way my voice softens when I mention him. I dismissed her response of how disgusting that was until she heard me talking on the phone to him. She criticized how I act with him, giggling as if I was talking to a boyfriend. The distance and my time in another country has helped me dull my feelings for him for now but it's still there. I can only hope to return at the end of the year to confront him.

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  • Free-spirit

    The 'normal' meter is quite low which is a tad amusing, but all your comments are really keeping me hopeful and much positive about the situation. My best friend who is quite opposite to me outrightly said that it sounds like I'm in love with him when I just tell her little stories about him. I can't tell her, because she already judged it as 'disgusting' and 'wrong', so she doesn't even know the story as I don't think she could handle it. My cousin and I were skyping everyday for the past week but I just left for a mini vacation to the US so the time difference restricts our communication. I miss him so much and I am so determined to get the working visa in Vietnam to sort this out. I'll definitely let you guys know what happens, but it might be a while before anything is confirmed. Thanks for the support, guys, really appreciate it. :)

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  • drtywiteboy

    IF IT FEELS GOOD DO IT! who cares?? its love! your both clearly into it! Hell Edgar Allan Poe did it and he was a critically acclaimed poet!!!!! I could nor would never judge such a beautiful thing! please post how it goes i want to hear the rest of this saga!

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  • Free-spirit

    @: Its_Called_Love
    I'm glad you told me your story. I usually date the biggest douche bags who are far from wonderful and I believe I end up with them because I can't find anyone like my cousin. How long have you guys been together now?

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  • Free-spirit

    @Nadia, my story? Haha

    Well, I say "extremely", because I am so drawn by his charismatic personality. I wish I could find a unrelated guy who was like him.

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    • Its_Called_Love

      lol For years I dated guys who were super similar to my cousin, then I decided to go for the real thing. ;)

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  • Free-spirit

    I believe in all honesty that at least half of my family love us both enough not to be bothered. It's only the social stigma associated with cousins that would cause any problems. I'm a bit of a black sheep and I know who would probably disown me, the relatives I don't like, so I'm not too bothered.

    I think there's a real possibility that I could fall in love with him, so I would risk it for that. I was actually seeing someone before I left for my vacation but even he has noticed that I've emotionally distanced myself. I'm seeing him in a month to see if I can reignite my original attraction to him. So I'm trying to get over my cousin, but it's difficult.

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  • Nadia

    Im in love with this post

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  • Free-spirit

    I really appreciate the advice, guys, thank you. I know it's legal and I have no problem in wanting to have kids, but we do live in different countries. I reside in Australia and he in Vietnam, he's personality is so attractive to me which is a significant factor for me as I'm not big on looks. I'm not usually afraid to ask a man how he feels about me but this situation feels different like falling for a best friend. If you make the wrong move, you lose such a close relationship. I am considering keeping in contact as normal and when I head back up there for a working holiday at the end of the year, I can confront him in person. Too risky?

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  • Ramit10

    Just explain what you are feeling. Keep calm and tell him no matter what happens you still want to be friends and be able to talk to eachother. I suggest you ask him how he feels about this and you tell hime the same. You both just need to lay it out on the table to see where you guys stand. Maybe he misses the way you guys used to be when you were younger and he wants to bring that back.

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  • Free-spirit

    I definitely love him as a cousin, but I am more infatuated with him than in love at the moment, but the problem lies in being family. We are happy when we're together, but I keep thinking ahead relationship-wise and I don't know if he is open to the idea or even supportive of it. It could all just turn out to be intense attraction on his part and he would disappear if things became to difficult.

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    • Its_Called_Love

      Approach the subject with him. Its the only way to find out. Personally, I told my cousin that when we were younger I use to have a giant crush on him and then I waited to see how he reacted to that.

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