Is it normal to be scared of going to a chapel of rest / funeral

73% Normal
6 Comments

My Grandpa passed away on Tuesday in England (I live in france) and my mum managed to get back to England in time to say goodbye but I didn't so she wants me to go to see him at the chapel of rest to say my goodbyes but I am too scared .. Number 1 I have never been to a funeral number 2 it all happened so fast that I think that seeing him dead would really shock me because it still hasn't sunken in , but I also feel the need to be strong for my mum I think it would mean a lot to her if I said goodbye ..... I really don't know what to do , I am scared and worried ... Help!

Voting Results
73% Normal
Based on 33 votes (24 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • Moonbow
    11 years ago

    You don't have to "see" him lying in his coffin. All you have to do is go to the chapel, take some flowers, kneel in prayer if you're religious, or whatever. A lot of people choose not to look at dead relatives and the people at the morturary know this, so no one is going to force you. In other words, let peole know that you cared about this person and that he meant something to you. As you get older, more and more relatives and friends are going to die and it's time you accepted it.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    11 years ago

    You need closure.

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  • disthing
    11 years ago

    It's up to you.

    Personally I don't like the idea of an open casket funeral. We don't have much of a tradition here in England of that. I would much rather remember my relative alive and kicking, the happy memories of spending time with them, than have the haunting image of their dead, still body covered in make-up lying in a box as the last time I see them (forgive me for being crude).

    If you feel like you NEED to say goodbye or pay your respects, then do it. It might be an important part of the grieving process. If you feel like actually you don't need to and you can honour the memory of your Grandfather without going, then don't go.

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    • disthing
      11 years ago

      Also, I don't think your mother should pressure you into making a decision that isn't right for you. Even if it would mean a lot to her, it has to mean a lot to YOU.

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      • Woopwoop
        11 years ago

        My mums not pressuring me at all , she's perfect I just want to make her happy

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  • nursebetty
    11 years ago

    If you were close and had a good relationship with him then I would go and do what the above poster suggested. You don't have to see him and it will be closure to you and help your mum with hers. Sorry to hear of your loss. I didn't go to my grandfathers funeral (I wasn't allowed as I was too young) and I regret not going to say goodbye and there's nothing much worse in life than regret

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