Is it normal to be so afraid of being mentally slow?
I know for sure that I'm not retarded, but I'm seriously afraid that I might be a little bit slow mentally. Self doubt literally haunts me throughout the day. Sometimes I make dumb little mistakes that I shouldn't make. This one time I was making a plan for my boyfriend and I to get on the bus, even though my boyfriend's car was out in the parking lot and I had seen him drive up. Why did that evade my memory? Another time I was in a Stater Bros. supermarket and I was about to swipe my Ralph's(another grocery store) card when someone pointed out that it was a Stater's and not a Ralph's. I knew I was in a Stater's the whole time, why did I forget all of a sudden? Things like this happen to me all the time and I'm always beating myself up for it. If someone else is around when I make these mistakes then I feel extremely embarrassed because of it. Am I over reacting?
The worst thing is that I'm slow at doing things. I'm always the last to finish eating, at school I was always the last one out the door, I don't clean as quickly as others, and I'm just slower at doing and learning things overall. Today I overheard my coworkers and my boss talking about how my work speed hasn't improved yet(This is probably my 9th day of working there, each day I've worked about 3 hours, sometimes 4. They say that 6 days if when we're all supposed to pretty much have the hang of things). My boss asked the coworkers if I get distracted talking to them, and they said I don't talk to them that much. One of them said "Yeah, she doesn't get distracted talking to us, so I don't know what's up with her." This is the main reason I'm making this post. Hearing that pretty much demolished my self-esteem for the day.
I remember a long time ago, when I was in middle school, I took an online IQ test and scored 94. The site said that was within normal range, but I still felt pretty shitty knowing it was on the lower end of average. A few years later I took the same test and scored 119. I don't know if that counts or not because it was the same test, but I figured that maybe it did since it was probably long enough for me to forget how to solve the questions. Although it wasn't an IQ test, I once took a pre-college test to see if I had the basic skills to attend the school. The counselor said that she was impressed because I scored in the top three percentile. She said most people answer 13 out of 50 questions right, whereas I got 29 out of 50. I think I just have good reading comprehension, but that seems to be the only thing I'm good at.
Anways, what the hell is up with me? I feel like if I am a little slow then I'm fucked for life. I hate the idea of always being one step behind others, I absolutely hate it. Does anyone know if it's possible to get faster and/or smarter? I know this was a long post, but it kind of had to be. I appreciate it if you've read it this far, thanks for your time.