Is it normal to be so shy and insecure people think you´re arrogant?

88% Normal
17 Comments

I´m a very big, very muscular guy. When you look like that, people seem to expect you to immediatly take charge of certain situations. Sometimes I indeed do that, but often I just can´t, because I can be RIDICULOUSLY shy too. The problem is that I´m viewed as arrogant, humorless or even hostile then, while in fact I just haven´t got the guts to speak out and socialize. This makes me quite disliked, while all I real want/need is love and acceptance. It´s been a MAJOR problem for years. I guess I´m just a big insecure chicken sometimes, but I can´t really help it. Am I normal, and, more importantly, what should I do?

Voting Results
88% Normal
Based on 52 votes (46 yes)
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Comments ( 17 )
  • [Old Memory]
    12 years ago

    They're inconsiderate and closed-minded, don't take it personally. It's normal to be unable to be completely comfortable and warm around some people.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Around SOME people, yeah. But I have this around LOTS of people.

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      • [Old Memory]
        12 years ago

        Practice socializing?

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  • yourbiggestfan
    12 years ago

    come be social with me bbz

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  • thinkingaboutit
    12 years ago

    Yeah, it is normal; it's just the way you come off. People don't think things like 'he never says anything to me, I bet he's just really shy, so I'm going to go out of my way to get him comfortable'. They are really probably thinking 'wow, he looks cool, I want to get to know him...why isn't he being responsive, what's wrong with me? whats wrong with him? ugh he's a dick'.

    You really just have to force a genuine smile.
    If someone accuses you of being arrogant, tell them the truth. What could it hurt?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      "People don't think things like 'he never says anything to me, I bet he's just really shy, so I'm going to go out of my way to get him comfortable'. They are really probably thinking 'wow, he looks cool, I want to get to know him...why isn't he being responsive, what's wrong with me? whats wrong with him? ugh he's a dick'."

      Likely 100% correct. Very well put!

      "You really just have to force a genuine smile."

      Well, if you have to FORCE it, how can it be genuine? I however do really wish that I COULD smile better. I just don't know how. Can you teach me?

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      • thinkingaboutit
        12 years ago

        As in it looks genuine! You know, grin really big and show some pearly whites. Also maintain eye contact and wrinkle your eyes. A smile is the biggest icebreaker ever. Don't forget to stand up straight, as this makes you feel a little more confident and in control, while giving the utter illusion of confidence. Compliment people here and there. Ya know, little things.

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  • GuessWho
    12 years ago

    People think I'm a mean person when I'm really just shy.
    It's probably because I don't start a conversation of my own accord often and usually reply with to-the-point answers when someone asks me something.
    My friends know that I'm a nice person though.

    People seem to get the false impression that you think you're better than them when you don't make an effort to be friendly.

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  • Faithfully
    12 years ago

    The exact same thing has happened to me.
    Someone even came up to my face and told me how arrogant i was for reasons i think i understand. You can call me a lot of things, but not arrogant.
    In reality im struggling with low self esteem and insecurity.

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  • House
    12 years ago

    i'm exactly like you, except for the muscle thing. I'm very shy and i find it hard to talk with people i don't know or with whom i haven't spent some time knowing, after you get to know me you realize i'm not at all stuck up and i can be quite chatty and outgoing, I just need time to get to know people before i come out of my shell. After a while people want to spend more time with me than i would like to.

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    12 years ago

    Don't worry about it, it's probably because they are a bit intimidated by your size.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      Yes, I've thought about that and it is indeed a very good possibility. I'm COMPLETELY harmless though...

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      • NeuroNeptunian
        12 years ago

        Doesn't matter. Insecure folks are insecure even if you hang a sign around your neck that says "I'm harmless".

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          12 years ago

          Guess you're right Neuro.

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  • srk
    12 years ago

    I wouldn't exactly call such judgment normal, but it is common. I've had friends think I'm stuck-up only because I wasn't as outgoing as them. I'm not the least bit stuck-up (I have no reason to be), I'm just very very shy.

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  • bigguy2010
    12 years ago

    Smile.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      12 years ago

      I know that's indeed a very good way to fix the problem, but I hae painful, fake-looking smile.

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