Is it normal to be taught to lie to your doctors?

At some point when I was a child, I was taught to lie to doctors. I no longer remember who exactly it was that taught me, most likely my grandmother, nor for what "their" reasoning behind this was. Well, for many years I did this and it never really occurred to me that this was strange. There were times when I would feel somewhat frustrated that couldn't be entirely open with my doctors. I knew that if certain people in my immediate family found out they would be very angry with me. As a result, I was also taught not to be trusting of my doctors. I was constantly paranoid about my doctors and fearful that if I said the wrong thing that they would call the police or put me into a mental institution.
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I am an adult now and I have been bothered by this. I feel bad that I did lie to my doctors because I never realized that it could cause them problems like being unable to properly treat me. While, I don't plan to do this to any doctors I have in the future, I worry that I may get panicked over saying something wrong and them possibly living up to my family's bullshit. This "belief" also extended itself to any adult outside of the family, especially during certain incidences..

Is any of this normal?

Voting Results
16% Normal
Based on 76 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 31 )
  • IntergalacticMarketAnalyst

    Yes, it's normal. People who are in abusive situations are told to cover it up because certain professionals are what's called "mandated reporters". These people are required by law to report any suspicion of abuse or neglect. Mandated reporters are people who are in regular contact with children, elderly and invalids etc, like teachers, doctors, therapists and so on.

    It's likely someone who was in charge of your care was breaking the law or doing something questionable and didn't want this to be communicated to a mandated reporter to avoid getting caught.

    Not everything that's reportable is actual abuse though so think carefully about your family situation. Some people who have alternative, but not abusive/illegal lifestyles prefer to keep that information secretive to avoid unnecessary hassle.

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    • Avant-Garde

      I see. The law was being broken. I was abused sexually as well as physically, verbally, emotionally and mentally abused by my grandmother. My mother was dependent on her. I remember at least one blatant sexual event happening in front of my mother, and two other occasions. She did not call the police or tell any of the other family members. I was also forbidden to have a relationship my father's family after he died, contact was limited but when I was allowed to write return letters, my words were heavily censored and I never understood why. I was told by relatives that his family didn't love me yet, many years later I found out that they did.

      I've told my therapist these things and she was shocked. Her reactions have really helped to make it hit home that what happened to me wasn't normal. She did put a lighting on the contents of this post that never occurred to me. She said that they told me these things, instilled beliefs that lead to phobias of people like the police because they wanted me to fear and be distrustful towards the very people who would have had the power to help me.

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  • thegypsysailor

    Doctors may not disclose anything you tell them to ANYONE, without your permission.
    Without knowing everything about you they cannot make a proper diagnosis and you are the loser.
    I even tell my doctors all the illegal drugs I take and anything else which may have a bearing on my condition or problem.

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    • IntergalacticMarketAnalyst

      Nope, doctors are mandated reporters which means they are legally required to report anything suspicious related to abuse or neglect. Children, elderly and invalids are commonly told or forced to lie to cover up abuse.

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    • NotStrangeBird

      Between your doctor and you only? Maybe.

      You'd better make sure that your more "controversial" disclosures do not go down on paper.

      Anything that does can and will be held against you by your insurance company. They see ALL those records, and will use them in any way possible to fuck you out of coverage or your money.

      And now that the government's getting in on the act this situation is becoming downright scary.

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      • thegypsysailor

        Hey, with my lifestyle I can't get insurance, at last for a price I can afford..
        But I'm not a big fan of betting against myself, which is all insurance is anyway.

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        • NotStrangeBird

          I could see your logic with some insurance.

          Betting against your health is a sure winner. It's just a matter of time and odds.

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          • thegypsysailor

            I am an adventurer, over 65 and far from the USA, so health insurance is just not possible.
            If someone sticks me in an old folks home someday (given I live that long) then I'm sure I'll be able to get insurance!

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            • NotStrangeBird

              Snug Harbor?

              Eligible?

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    • Avant-Garde

      Fucking christ! I don't lie to my doctors now that I am a legal adult. I am very honest with them.

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  • SkullsNRoses

    What sort of things did you lie about?

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    • gummy_jr

      About how that toy car got shoved up his ass.

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      • davesumba

        I was dancing naked and slipped and fell on it, I swear.

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    • Avant-Garde

      I wasn't allowed to talk about my personal life. Any type of "disturbance" like being depressed, family issues, the most important one being that I was being abused but stupid me didn't realize that I was being abused. I this was largely because I was very sheltered. I didn't understand things like sexual education, anatomy and signs of abuse for a very long time though I remember reading about some of that material in health books and my mother said she taught me the birds and the bees as a child. It should be said, that most of my childhood is in large blank pieces so it makes sense that I couldn't remember important information like that. There were other things I wasn't allowed to talk about, things that I can't really remember now. I do have the faintest feeling that one of my doctors grew suspicious of sexual abuse and took me aside. However, for whatever reason I was unable to tell her about the abuse!

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      • SkullsNRoses

        I'm so sorry you have to suffer that and it really doesn't make you stupid for not recognising you were abused at the time. I have some friends who were abused in various ways through out their childhood and teenage years, and most of them didn't realise it was abuse until years later.

        Good luck with recovering.

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  • TheProph

    Nope, not normal.

    Sounds like some really old time conservative type behavior. Something like you should be ashamed of whatever is wrong with you, and therefore not tell your doctor? Like you should die instead of feel "shame"? I don't know the reasoning behind lying to a doctor besides insurance fraud and drug addiction.

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    • Avant-Garde

      It was mainly child abuse.

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  • valueduser

    Everyone lies to their doctor. Who walk in and says:

    "Yeah Doc, well, I drink a couple times a week, don't really work out much, eat like trash, am sexually promiscuous, don't read, or do anything product to invest in my health. Oh yeah, I also smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, watch porn twice a day, etc."}

    Think about it. Everyone sugar coats the truth in some form or another. Some people will call that "Bending the truth", others, "White lie", well guess what, a lie is a lie.

    Now, if you mean blatantly lying to the doctor for some reason or another (e.g. to score drugs). That is a different story.

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  • RomeoDeMontague

    It is if they are therapist but its is a general aid doctor that is a sign of abuse.

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    • Avant-Garde

      I had a psychiatrist, other therapists and other types of medical doctors and I was taught to lie to all of them. Only one, one of my pediatricians, I remember her taking me aside and asking basically if I had been sexually abused. But for whatever reason, I did not tell her that this was the case. In fact, I'm not even sure if I knew what she was talking about.

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  • utopia82

    I almost forgot. The doctor not only can, but is MANDATED to call the cops in certain circumstances. Those circumstances vary by state. Its usually about possible child abuse or molestation, gunshot or stab wounds, or if your spouse is in the er for the 6th time with a broken bone they got by "walking into a door." Again, I hope this helps. The risks of lying to your doctor is not worth the rewards.

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    • Avant-Garde

      Thank you. I was taught, I think, mainly because I was being abused.

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  • utopia82

    It depends on what you were taught to lie about, as well as why. In the early 80s, they didn't have a way to test for aids. As a result, many people lied about their religious preference in order to avoid blood transfusions. In the question, I got the impression it might be mental illness issues in your family. My family also has mental illness issues. I can tell you without doubt that they WONT diagnose you on history alone, you have to exhibit symptoms yourself. Also, even if you are mentally ill, they can't forcibly lock you in an institution unless you are a danger to yourself or others. Really, look up the laws in your state. Last but not least, doctors pay so much in malpractice insurance specifically because there are so many ways to sue. You have to be able to trust them, therefore, you can sue if they betray your trust. I hope this helped a little. There are a lot of us out there who come from families full of mental illness. Remember, we only LOOK normalish ;-)

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    • Avant-Garde

      There were mental issues in my family but besides that I was taught to lie about personal things like abuse, I wasn't supposed to tell friends about health issues like depression, family issues,etc.

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  • hiddenhands

    Never lie to someone who gets paid to help you. Don't trust people who don't get paid to help you.

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    • Avant-Garde

      I'm not going to do it any more. Except for the subject of suicide.

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      • hiddenhands

        Suicide is not the answer.

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  • davesumba

    Not sure what the possible reason to lie to doctors is. Doctors can't even release any information about you to the cops without a court order.
    Doctors are here to help you, and the only way to help you, is to completely and thoroughly know EVERYTHING that is going on in your life. From your sex life to where you vacation, so they can either test for or eliminate the possibilities of STDs or diseases from exotic animals/insects. And you should also tell them about any illegal drug habits you have, that may be the cause of things. etc etc. They won't tell anyone.

    The only reason to lie to doctors, is lying to court/parent ordered psychiatrists, who you don't have a choice in what medicines you take. EVERY single medicine a psychiatrist gives you is going to fuck you up in one way or another.

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    • IntergalacticMarketAnalyst

      Doctors are mandated reporters which means if they hear anything remotely suspicious from any child, invalid, elderly or etc they have to report it by law.

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      • TheProph

        Didn't think of that. Maybe the OP was molested and blocked it out.

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      • davesumba

        I'm not sure how anything they decide to do because of the truth you tell them is going to be bad. Just don't tell them that you plan on committing a crime.

        My friend's kid is autistic and he went around school yelling that his mom beats him, which she doesn't. But the teachers reported that to the police and called CPS. But if that boy just tells a doctor in a session that, which parents always sit in on for at least some time with a session involving a minor, then the doctor will know from prior sessions that the bruises on that boy were self inflicted because of his disorder, and they wouldn't have reported it.

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