Is it normal to be this in sync with someone?

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4 Comments

My dad and I have a toxic relationship. He abused me but we live as if it never happened. My mom doesn't know. For this, I hate him but I still find ways to get along with him but things can be rocky.

Long story short, him and I seem to be literally in sync all the time. For example, he and I will decide to go to bed at the same time, no matter how random the time is. If it's 9pm or 1am, if I say goodnight to my mom, he says he's going to bed too. We also always wake up at the same time, at random times.

At dinner, we pick up our drinks at the same time (literally every time), eat the same foods (if there's meat, veggie, and potatoes on our plates, we always eat the same things at the same time. Like, he's never eating the meat when I'm eating the veg - we would always both be eating the veg. Then we both eat the meat, then both back to the veg, then both to the potato, then we both use the napkins at the same time..etc)

We scratch the same places at the same times, we cross our legs at the same time, etc etc etc!

I feel like I have a living shadow. A lot of the time I think he's just copying me to mess with me; I sometimes get angry but he plays victim.

Every time we keep being so in sync like this, it turns my stomach. I feel like I'm losing my identity.

Is it normal to be this in sync with someone?

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Comments ( 4 )
  • ospry
    1 year ago

    I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it's coincidence if only for the fact that if you're intentionally trying to copy someone, it's almost never in sync, there's usually a delay of a split second. It might be that you're more aware of it because of the strained relationship you two have and you don't WANT to be like him. I don't know if the abuse is something you could try to resolve with him or if that ship has already sailed, but maybe that would help things?

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    • Grunewald
      1 year ago

      With due respect, it takes a lot more than a conversation to 'resolve' abuse. That being said, there can be no fixing the relationship unless the abuse is acknowledged.

      As disturbing as the fact that the abuse happened, is the fact that he's pretending that it didn't while OP is having to live with the memory and trauma of it.

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      • ospry
        1 year ago

        Using that word was probably misleading. I don't think there's anything that can be done to undo the abuse that took place, and I don't necessarily think that talking with him would repair the relationship. When I said "resolve it" I meant whatever can be done help OP move past it. If that's even possible

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        • Grunewald
          1 year ago

          Yeah, ultimately OP can't control much besides his/her own recovery. I am not sure that that can be done without help, either.

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