Is it normal to be treated like a kid no matter how old you are?

23% Normal
14 Comments

I seem to regularly get into disagreements with my mother. Thanks to covid lockdown i’ve had to move into her spare room and now can’t put distance between us (my usual solution) when we disagree on matters.

I pay rent and help her out where i can in an attempt to be a good son.

If i disagree with her, her usual answer is to tell me to shut up.

This morning i was running late for work and she wanted to talk to me about something that i didn’t have the time for.

Came home from work to find she’d ransacked my room because it wasn’t to her tidy standards.
When i got angry she seemed to think i should be thanking her for going through my personal possessions and putting them in some boxes or throwing them in the rubbish.

My point of view is not being heard. I have no privacy. And according to her, no problems. Obviously this is heavily worded from my perspective, but i’m still upset that she spent the day going through my things when i wasn’t there to stop her.

Is this normal?

Voting Results
23% Normal
Based on 22 votes (5 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • GuvnorsOtherWoman
    3 years ago

    My parents were exactly the same and my mother's favourite game was throwing out my possessions just because she disapproved of them. I wasn't even allowed to leave home and only their deaths liberated me. Harsh but true.

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  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
    3 years ago

    get a lockset for the door to your room

    it takes like 5 minutes a screwdriver to install

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  • Somenormie
    3 years ago

    No, people shouldn't be treated as kids when they get older.

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  • SwickDinging
    3 years ago

    It's hard to know without being there. You could be messy and disrespectful. She could be a whackjob.

    I do think that once you are an adult it is extremely difficult to continue to live with parents. They will always see you as a child. I moved to another continent, got married and have several children of my own, and my mother still treats me like I'm a teenager.

    Some parents are able to step back and be more laid back about you making your own choices, but that would go hand in hand with you respecting them and the rules of their house.

    If you truly are respecting her and her house, and she's just being a control freak, then I don't think there's much you can do other than keep to yourself, try not to piss her off too much, and look forward to the day when you can get the hell out of tthere and back to your own place.

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  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    Is there anyplace else you can move to in order to get away from her?

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  • olderdude-xx
    3 years ago

    Yes. I'm a lot older than you... by many decades... and there are older people yet who still treat me as a kid...

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    • SwickDinging
      3 years ago

      My elderly mother is referred to as "the young girl" by her walking club - they're all in their 90s so they think of her as young. She's just had a hip replacement so walks with a cane, and is completely grey.

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  • Str8racers
    3 years ago

    Yes, that's why I got out of there very young. I couldnt take it. It was the same bs everyday for me. She'd yell "wake up all you do is sleep all fuckin day!" Im like "mom... i work nights"

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    • SwickDinging
      3 years ago

      Before we had kids my husband and I used to stay with his parents for a few days at Christmas.

      My husband has an extremely stressful, high pressure job. He often works night, evenings, public holidays etc, and rarely took time off before our kids.

      Those 3 days at his parent's house at Christmas would sometimes be his first day off in over a month. His dad used to burst into our room at 6am and open the curtains wide, and say "god you're lazy. Still as lazy now as you were as a teenager. Get up!"

      I eventually told his dad off. Probably not my place, sure, but it pissed me off so much. His dad had worked a cushy office job for 37 hours a week, and then retired on a decent pension. He doesn't have a fucking clue what it is like to work as hard as my husband does.

      What I said to him needed to be said, and i think it helped that it came from me, as I don't think he would have listened to his own kid. I think a lot of parents just aren't capable of seeing their children as adults.

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      • megadriver
        3 years ago

        I know I'll always be my mom and dad's boy, I love my parents, but it can be annoying at times.

        One time I lashed out at my dad. We were in my E-class driving to the supermarket. On one bit of road there are 3 potholes. No matter how you drive, you'll hit at least one. And I did. My dad started yelling at me how I should pay more attention, was I stupid, or blind for not seeing the pothole, etc...

        When he hits that exact same pothole every time.

        I slammed the brakes and yelled right back, telling him he does the same thing and this is my car. Dafuq does he care what I do with my car I bought with my money.
        He said I shouldn't look at what he does, but do as he says. I told him that when he's in my car, he obeys my rules and I hate backseat drivers and drove like a lunatic on the way back out of spite.

        Squealing the tires on every green light, taking corners too fast, sliding, mashing the brake to slow down at the last moment. My dad didn't say a word. He knew he crossed the line...

        Later that evening when we sat down for dinner, he told me he was sorry and we never had any similar arguments.

        And my mom always wants me to have a jacket with me, if it gets cold... even in summer.

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        • SwickDinging
          3 years ago

          "He said I shouldn't look at what he does, but do as he says."

          There it is - that awful phrase that I have vowed I will never, ever say to my children. I'm amazed that your dad pulled one out by the time you were old enough to be driving a car.

          My kids are still really young so I have plenty of time to fuck up, but so far I've managed to avoid trhis phrase. I am really aware of how I behave around them. I wouldn't even go through a fast food drive thru if they are with me. I just can't. I don't ever want them to copy all the shitty, stupid things that I do.

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      • Str8racers
        3 years ago

        Lol yeah I feel you on that one. Hopefully I dont be that way to my kids when they grow up

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    • RoyyRogers
      3 years ago

      Maybe your mistake was moving back in.

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      • Str8racers
        3 years ago

        Naw I was out at about 17 and never looked back. I didnt move back. I was emancipated at 15 after I dropped out of highschool so was a legal adult early.

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