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What would you do if one of ur cousin's died on ur partner's birthday, be with family or keep plans for partner's B'day?
I think it would be ideal if your partner were able to stay by your side, and you could have a belated birthday celebration for her.
It seems to me that, generally speaking, the funeral of a close member of family should trump a partner's birthday party.
But it depends on a lot of things, really, like how close you were to your cousin, how important it is to you that you pay your final respects, what your family's expectations are and what fallout you'll have to deal with if you don't attend, how much you've already spent on the birthday and so on.
If your partner isn't an ass, they'll understand that it's important for you to grieve and be by your family's side to help them too.