Is it normal to become the things you hate?

Unfortunately we are products of our environment. It's the old nature vs nurture argument. This is what you grew up with and although you know it's wrong you find yourself behaving this way. I hear you. I find myself behaving more and more like my mother every year. And although I love her, she's crazy!

For me I just try to pay attention to when I think I'm acting like my mother. When I notice it I stop talking and take a second to evaluate if this is really how I feel or if it's just how I was conditioned to respond. If I didn't catch myself until later, if possible, I go back and tell that person I was wrong. I'm not perfect but I want to be happy with myself. So I guess for me being more conscious of things that I don't like about myself and actively trying to correct them is how I cope. I can't say whether it's actually changing my behavior or not but at least I'm holding myself responsible.

The fact of the matter is, we're adults now. We are in complete control of how we feel, how we act, and what we say. It's up to you to take control of who you are. If you need help doing that there's nothing wrong with that. This is the human condition. You are normal.

It's one thing to see the Cosbys on TV and try to be a better person, it's a completely different story when you are raised by somebody. Try as you might, the most ingrained example of how a person should behave, the strongest model of how a person interacts with the word, comes from your parents. And on levels you probably have yet to realize, you've taken many cues from your father about how the world is and how you should respond to it. Your belief system, something you're less aware of than the actual behaviors that it causes, is something that you began to learn from your father even before you knew you were alive. So, yes, this is completely normal. Can you stop? Yes. But not without help. The only thing that comes close to talk therapy in effectiveness is religion. It overhauls that very belief system that is doing you in. If that's not your bag, therapy is vastly superior, very effective, but more expensive. Just wanting to be different...you'll be fucking lucky if that works. Good luck, whatever you choose.

it's very common but it's not right. if you're sell-aware enough to realise you're turning into your dad, you can stop yourself from repeating the cycle of abuse.