Is it normal to consider having sex before marriage?

83% Normal
43 Comments

I am a practicing Catholic and in my religion we aren't supposed to have sex before marriage. I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months now and I am considering having sex with him before we get married. He isn't religious but I love him very much. I can't keep my hands off him and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don't want to go against my religion but I really want to give him my virginity. Although he is not pressuring me, I know that he really wants to do it and I want to also. Personally, I would like to become closer to him in a way that only comes with sex. My only concern is that I am betraying my family and beliefs. Is it normal to feel this conflicted about sex?

Voting Results
83% Normal
Based on 84 votes (70 yes)
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Comments ( 43 )
  • Gallieon
    10 years ago

    Understand me clearly when I say this. With things like this, you will want to put yourself first. Not family, not religion, just you because at the end of the day you're the one you got to live with. Too many conflicting opinions means nothing gets done when it really counts. Your choice hun. I believe you know enough about free will

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  • OddBallBrat
    10 years ago

    It's YOUR body. You are not property owned by your family. You are not betraying them by having sex! Have fun!!

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    • Damien33
      10 years ago

      Yes fun, and responsibility no? Aint this childish attitude toward sex the cause of mass abortions, aids and plenty of other serious problems in society?

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      • OddBallBrat
        10 years ago

        I didn't say don't be responsible about your choices.

        It isn't a "childish" attitude, its what the government says, "it is the woman's body and her choice what she does with it." That is why the father of an adult woman cant drop the charge of rape for his daughter against her rapist. If women's sexual choices were made by her father and/or husband than we might as well go back to women not having rights at all.

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  • SuperBenzid
    10 years ago

    Well Solomon committed adultery and had multiple wives yet your God gave him a direct line of communication. Even murdered a man for his wife and was forgiven. If God is willing to let that go than premarital sex is nothing.

    Also Moses has his men take the midianite virgin women as slaves presumably for sex slaves and he was a prophet. Plus your God himself impregnated Mary and she was married so that means he has kind of done the adultery thing himself.

    Really there are as many arguments for premarital sex in the bible as there are against it, so do as you please.

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  • captainjack917
    10 years ago

    Then you got married. First time you had sex, you were stomped by his micropenis. He sucked at bed. He pre-ejaculate. He has an erectile dysfunction. Those things happen. And you are stuck with him by marriage. The Holy Buybull is obselete. In this age of technology and information I am still wondering why religion is still not forgotten.

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    • Damien33
      10 years ago

      So petty. I can tell you that you can be sure that sex will be good if the passion and love is there. Absolute bull.

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    • Sog
      10 years ago

      To be fair though, most issues in bed can be worked out with practice.

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    • dybex
      10 years ago

      That's very shallow of you. Would you dump your wife if she got knocked down and was paralyzed?

      When you really love someone then those thing won't matter. It's not like there aren't lots toys and gadgets that help with those kind of issues.

      I agree you should have sex. But please use protection. If you're going to hell anyway, then using birth control won't matter.

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    • [Old Memory]
      10 years ago

      Because science has become a religion.

      You're one of them!

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      • dybex
        10 years ago

        Science deals in hypothesis and theory. Religion deals in absolute certainty. Science doesn't want to be a religion.

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        • [Old Memory]
          10 years ago

          Well for you it's the same thing as religion, you're just following what some person told you is true. Because I hardly think you understand every facet of particle physics, yet you believe.

          I haven't done all the science myself, like religion, I'm going on faith because I believe in evolution even though nobody has proved that yet.

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          • dybex
            10 years ago

            Sorry, but that's not how I roll with science.

            You're still dealing in absolute truths and faith. I agree that that's essentially the same thing as religion, but it's not even remotely scientific to think that way.

            BTW science will never prove the theory of evolution. Theories are set up such that they can only be supported or disproven through empirical evidence.

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            • [Old Memory]
              10 years ago

              Wtf, theories don't always stay theories.

              So how do you roll with science? Because you don't conduct the experiments yourself to prove it.

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  • dirtybirdy
    10 years ago

    Have the sex. The urge is real my child.

    The whole marriage idea...blech!

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  • GreyWulfen
    10 years ago

    Waiting with sex until marriage is pretty stupid. Just go for whatever you want.

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  • thegypsysailor
    10 years ago

    Oh for heaven's sake. You know there is no god, and I'm sure by now that you realize your religion is led by a group of hypocrites and liars.
    Live this life to the fullest and throw off the yoke of religion before you are so emotionally crippled that you go through life as nothing more than an automaton.
    You have been given ONE life to live as you please; nothing else is for sure or for real, so please, I beg you, do not throw away your only guaranteed life.

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    • macaroniheyo
      10 years ago

      I'm sure you also hate when catholics shove their beliefs down people's throats. Oh wait.

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    • Damien33
      10 years ago

      Get over yourself, try telling the 1.4 billion Catholics that. Take a look at how many millions of young people gathered in Brazil for the world youth day! You are entitled to your beliefs but it is only arrogant to put down anyone who doesn't follow your belief system and label them as hypocrites and liars. Faith is a liberation rather than a yoke for many. Take a look at the writings of JP2 on the theology of the body which embraces sex as something beautiful and a gift for all.

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      • thegypsysailor
        10 years ago

        I couldn't care if it was 1.5 trillion. If there truly is a god (which ever god you want to choose) he is a cruel, heartless monster to allow "his children" to become such awful creatures, slaughtering so many of their fellow human beings in his name. If 1.4 billion people jumped off the highest building on earth, would you follow blindly? Would that make it right? Get a grip!
        Still, not the point, which was; why waste this one and only guaranteed life on some promise of another, better or worse?
        And I do believe that the OP asked a question, suggesting that I have a right to answer. I did not preach or attempt to convert anyone, only suggest that thinking could be preferable to blind faith.

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  • PatrickZ
    10 years ago

    In my opinion, the whole "no sex before marriage" rule is a remainder from ancient times. Times before condoms were invented. In those days, this rule was the way to prevent unwanted pregnancy and STD's from spreading.

    Nowadays that isn't needed anymore. Just use a condom and nothing can happen, it'll be just as safe as no sex at all.

    Basically what I'm saying is you shouldn't look at the rule itself, you should look at what's behind the rule.

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  • IB4U
    10 years ago

    This is nuts, especially in this day & age. I got my penis(end/glans) swatted with several HARD swats from the back of a hairbrush by my mother when she caught me masturbating. This was back in 60' during my 5th grade. Sure, the moral code was way different then, but that was just plain wrong for her to do that to me. I know Catholics are death on masturbation & also recreational sex but c'mon, in today's world? My mother was not even Catholic, or for that matter even a Christian. She just had it in her mind that masturbation was lewd activity & prohibited the practice for me completely... & enforced it. Your mentality about the Catholic faith & premarital sex is as archaic today as my mothers zeal against even simple ole masturbation was way back then in 60'. Time to "update" & dump that old Victorian mentality completely.

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  • SuperBenzid
    10 years ago

    Also you should look up the Catholic church's teaching on grace. Since grace comes through sacraments in your religion, I see no need to care about anything you do. Since as long as you get those sacraments you should be solid.

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  • Short4Words
    10 years ago

    Yes I would think that is normal. I'm not a counsellor, pastor, or priest. Just a believer with the same thoughts. I feel the same way as you to do, sex to be a greater means of connection, I can't say whether that is for sure though. Though, my thoughts are this, in an ideal world, I would only have sex with a girl that I am madly in love with, that I would marry than instant if it were possible or okay with her. That's me.

    Has he expressed interest in marriage?

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  • CreativeThinker
    10 years ago

    By the way what it has to do with spirituality ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????/

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  • [Old Memory]
    10 years ago

    My friend and her bf won't even kiss until marriage.

    I'm not really religious so I haven't been conflicted, but when I marry a guy, I want to know we are compatible, including sexually.

    I guess just decide what you want more.

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  • galexiz
    10 years ago

    well baby, i have a very close experience to yours, my ex is a faithful catholic, we had plenty of foreplay without penetration, girl that is just not normal...we are humans we are supposed to have sex because we have hormones and feelings. sex is wonderful, catholic religion is just making people to feel guilty...think in this...when god created the world he said...that all was good...why sex is a sin? because of it was the only way to control population in ancient times.

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    • Damien33
      10 years ago

      NOT true. Typical rhetoric but clearly you have no idea about the teaching of the Catholic church on sex. Pope JP2 went into great detail and wrote an entire book on the gift and beauty of sex. Its called 'theology of the body' you should maybe give it a read and educate yourself.

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  • (s)aint
    10 years ago

    As others have said, Live your life and enjoy living! A religion that limits your life isn't something that I'd wish upon anyone, really ...

    You have been with a non religious guy for six months, he hasn't pressured you for sex at all and you should have sex with him if this is something that both of you want, who knows? You could die in an accident tomorrow without ever experiencing the wonderful closeness that comes from sex.

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    • Damien33
      10 years ago

      What if it free's you rather than limits you? Have you ever thought of that? Should we always follow our urges without discipline? Isn't that whats wrong with society? Obesity, mass abortion, rape, murder, greed? If we give in to everything our bodies want all the time we are no more than animals.

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      • (s)aint
        10 years ago

        Interesting comment!

        But the thing IS Humans are not more than animals, we haven't evolved much since the days in which we lived in caves, really.

        I however do hope that you see the difference between enjoying yourself and your sex-life and things such as rape and murder.

        I'm a supporter of abortion, rather that than children growing up unwanted and in bad environments! Obesity is disgusting, therefore I wont become obese or even chubby- But if others wishes to look like fucking whales it is up to them!

        I see the difference in giving into things that wont hurt others and giving in to ALL your desires. Most people that I know would never kill or rape people, though.

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  • yesnomaybeso
    10 years ago

    Do it:)

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  • macaroniheyo
    10 years ago

    It is completely your decision. If you love him, and you feel ready, do for it. Even though, I personally think waiting for marriage is a great idea, I never thought it was a sin to not wait. But since feel conflicted, you probably shouldn't do anything until you are absolutely sure. :)

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    • macaroniheyo
      10 years ago

      Just realized all the grammar mistakes I made in this. *cringe*

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  • AbnormallyAwesome
    10 years ago

    I see where you're comming from. If you're concerned about betraying your religion, I'd do some research about it. Biblical times were very different times. As a girld you would probably get married at about the age of 13. So when your body was ready for sex you were usually already taken. Then you'd have some children and at 40 you'd likely die. So the sex before marriage thing was never a relevant enough question in those times to really be adressed.
    Personally, I kinda want to wait but that's my own desition. Maybe you love your family to much to have sex, and maybe you love this man to much to wait. Whatever you do act on love and not on fear.

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