Is it normal to constantly be afraid of people judging you?

During middle school I began to notice a problem with the way I interacted with others. I went to a small rural school from pre-k all the way to 8th grade and I was around the same group of people. Around 6th/7th grade everyone began to hit puberty of course and I was the late bloomer of the group. My fellow girlfriends during this time began to give me so much crap about still being "flat-chested" and not having started my period yet. They were only teasing but I could tell there was a small amount of selfish pride that drove them to humiliate me like this. But ever since then I cannot have a normal conversation with ANYONE without feeling insecure. Not necessarily about the way I look, but maybe I sound stupid or they think I'm talking about something I have no idea what I'm talking about. I am an 18 year old girl and I'm a freshman in college by now, and I have friends but I am still not confident in myself during conversations with them, even. I hate talking to people I don't know, especially other young women my age because I feel so insecure and I feel like I am being judged constantly. This fear messes with my ability to seem confident to other people. And I know if I could just overcome the fear and believe that I DON'T sound or look stupid, I wouldn't. I think people are like dogs and can sense the vulnerability in other people through interaction. So my question is, is this normal and does anyone else have the same problem due to unfortunate childhood experiences (or anything else)? And it would be great if you guys could post tips on how to overcome this. Thanks

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Based on 48 votes (42 yes)
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Comments ( 5 )
  • kingofcarrotflowers

    I'm like this too, I don't really know why, my dad was an asshole, well, he was more than just an asshole, he always treated me like shit so maybe that's where I got it, I'm not sure.
    Then again I never used to be like that, I used to go out skating and go to gigs with people I knew, and with people I just met, then gradually I just changed, looking back though I think I've always had an element of anxiety, I could have mates and joke around with people fine but whenever anyone showed any feelings or attraction towards me then I'd get a bit anxious.
    Towards the end of high school I started suffering from social anxiety, everything I left the house I would feel like everyone was looking and judging me, I even dreaded a trip to the shops.
    There was a period of a month when I didn't leave the house except when I was asked to get something from the corner shop.
    I'm still overcoming this but I'm nowhere near how I was and it all came from a piece of advice anime7gave on a post ( and if you read this thank you) act confident, your mind will follow, walk with purpose, even if you don't feel it walk with strong confident strides, it actually does work, Do things you wouldn't normally do even tiny things like using a manned checkout instead of a self service kiosk, it May sound hard to do but just act confident and your mind really will catch up.

    But like I said, I've improved massively but I'm still working on myself, my problem now is mire mental, I can talk and laugh with New people but I will walk away with insecurities like " they hate me" or that I came across as an idiot, so it can take a while but you'll get there.

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  • jeebley

    You're right, people are dogs!!! Not really, I know what you mean, there's a Lot of sub-communication that goes on; if people sense a lack of confidence, they respond in a way which tends to reinforce that - like a vicious circle (..of wild dogs).
    It also really sucks that you are still carrying the high school experiences around with you. Some stuff seems to get in so deep that's its very hard to get rid of. And it had no right to even be there in the first place. I'm sure it's something you try and avoid thinking about, but it's still affecting your self-image and behaviour.

    And that deep fear of humiliation; or that you are being judged is just not based on reality.... It's hard to switch off I know.

    There are ways to get yourself feeling in a confident state of mind. Different visualisation things etc. with the end goal being to evoke a confident state and improve the way you think about yourself. It involves playing with the mental images you have of yourself (which are probably not accurate and definitely need to be more helpful) I'd recommend giving this stuff a decent crack. It's something that you may have to continually work on.

    Confidence is not real; it's not necessarily justified and it can be faked!! To 'fake' it you kind of have to believe it though (which isn't all that hard, you just have to force yourself to change the way you think).

    Also, the king is right; you can definitely trick your brain into feeling confident just by carrying yourself as if you are already feeling that way.

    So stand tall, work on your self image and soon you'll be going to the manned checkouts purely out of laziness.

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  • GreatArt

    It's all in your head, just let go of those irrational, self-demeaning thoughts.

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    • FrizzyHaired

      Don't think that will help

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  • NyanStrike

    Hey, I was a late bloomer and I got my period and got boobs much later than many people in my school. I was afraid people thought I was different and felt scared my friends judged me. I knew I would be a late bloomer and I knew I would only hit puberty when I'm around 14. I realized people don't really give a shit about it. If people don't accept you for you, then you shouldn't talk to them in the first place.

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