Is it normal to do this to be a man?

The twist is it's vote-free. Ha haaaa! Seriously I've been thinking of my sexuality a lot, not just the men's trends but also what makes me a manly man. I've been drawing from my past as to my experience of whether I knew what it was like to be a man: this past when I was out to the city of Adelaide to see Adiana only that evening I decided to go alone, I was so ashamed of sex and my sex life that what I did had nothing to do with sex, partners or relationships whatsoever, but was part of my sexuality. For example, #1 I was manly in the way I moved as I had muscles and in the way I walked, #2 I was manly in the drinking of water in a tiny pub, and #3 I was manly in approaching the pub, the result was that strangers said I thought I was a man, yes, but my head was empty of images and words, more like I was focussing my attention on being a man. I drank the water like it was a pint because I couldn't afford beer, I slammed the glass on the counter, trying to appear more manly, and like a man, left the pub. And when I walked out of there with the stink of city fumes I was "ignoring" the smell reluctantly and went a walking like I was a cowboy, I dressed in the cowboy hat with a tough-looking jacket, possibly denim, and brown jeans, and I was wearing shoes, wearing maybe sunglasses. Walking like I was such a strong and brave man, I kept walking from shop to shop but didn't have any food and had no money, only enough for the bus, I took the bus to Mum's house which was a 2 week break from Recovery in Kilburn because they couldn't handle what a "slut" I've been, and it was game over, and then without further thought I knew I was a man. Normal?