Is it normal to encourage my husband to have a girlfriend

This is not a traditional arrangement but I know several couples who do similar things. It is not often talked about but it is, in fact common and normal. If you start to feel jealous, then you should confront those feelings in a peaceable way with your husband before your jealousy gets out of control. Also, you should definitely have some ground rules which apply to your husband's "extra-curricular" activities such as safe-sex practices. Many couples insist on selecting each others' additional sex partners and many couples insist on full disclosure of all additional sex partners and acts. However, I have known some couples who insist on NOT disclosing sex partners and acts. It's up to you guys. Just make sure that you're BOTH comfortable with whatever arrangement you choose. Remember that this is something that you DON'T have to compromise on.

I think it's stupid to believe that only one person can fulfill all your needs. We are super complex creatures and our energies and emotions, likes and dislikes, habits and patterns change all the time. So why is it so hard that sexual, emotional, and physical feelings change too. I think each of you having extra marital relations are ok as long as it doesn't split y'all up. Make sure there is honesty and openness. The first time someone has to hide something that means they feel they did something wrong. Hope this helps and good luck

I need to add thus, we are not immature and have been together nearly 20 years. My health is such that having sex more than a couple of times a month is not possible. I am not looking for anyone else and my husband lives me and treats me very well. We have eleven children and 8 grandchilldren who mean the world to us...I do not feel disrespected in any way. I welcome your comments, even the negative ones, but I do not think we are crazy

If both of you can be adults about it. And the limits of the side relationship are clear then there is no reason you shouldn't be able to make this situation work. Tour perfectly fine and frankly once his mind isn't focused on sex it can be focused on you.

You and your husband are the only ones who knows what normal is in your relationship. Don't worry about other peoples opinions. If it works for you then what is the difference?

NORMAL. If you can't cover his needs, then why not ;)

4 months and going well. He spends about half the time with each of us except on the weekends we all hang out together. My health is actually improving a bit as my stress level has decreased which is an added bonus. Ironically she has health problems too and on top of that he ended up having major back surgery so we have all been taking care of each other. I feel blessed to have this relationship as I am now even more in love with my husband and he treats me even better than before. Our love really does go beyond the boundaries of " normal" I guess, but that's okay with me and the family that loves me...

maybe you could try having an open relationship

Well for anyone following this thread, we found the perfect match. We've known her for 8 years, she's a wonderful woman inside and out. Three months in and everything is perfect. If anything it's made him a more caring and wonderful man than he was before. We are all blessed and look forward to a lifetime of happiness.

Sounds almost like poligimy to me. I am the jealous type and wouldn't go for it personally. But it sounds like you are and were happy with having him have another partner. With that, as long as you are ok with it there shouldn't be a problem. As for you husband being constant about sex. He should be able to control that, he isnt 14 anymore and you don't always get what you want.

Thx for the advice r_smitty
I do worry a little bit about this, but have a philosophical view of life anyways. My husband loved his last partner very much and even talked about having a child, which I was fine with. I was lucky because I loved her too (not sexually). Unfortunately our relationship didnt work out so well for her, but now we are still great friends and still love her and her kids. We actually like her new boyfriend as well and see them often. I fully expect him to care deeply for whoever we pick next, as this is just who we are. If it happens that he loves her more then I would let him go gracefully. We have been friends and lovers for 30 years...even friends during the years we were married to others. It's complicated, but we are partners in a very deep sense and regardless of anything the future may holdi am not afraid. That may be naive but it is whatit is:)

Two things. 1. This is much more common than most people admit. 2. It can be wonderful, but it's playing with fire.

I just divorced 2 years ago. During our marriage, my (ex) wife and I struggled with this issue constantly. I couldn't satisfy myself inside the marriage, and I knew she had her own yearnings.

I was extremely jealous when we were dating, so it took me a long time to consider opening the marriage. I feared if she was with someone else, I'd go ballistic. But eventually, we agreed that we were both free to have sex during business trips. That seemed like the least threatening way to start. My wife was at first very cautious telling me what she was up to, for fear I would flip out.

The first time my wife told me she'd done anything with another man, I was almost shaking with apprehension. Then, my reaction blew my mind. I was incredibly turned on by it. The first thing I told her was, you have to get a boyfriend nearby, so he can f**k you all the time.

We both later got lovers outside the marriage. I fell in love with another woman, but it didn't change my feelings for my wife. I wanted her to fall in love with someone else too, which she did. I think it made me love her even more. However, she couldn't accept this and became increasingly secretive.

The marriage did fail in the end, and that's a cautionary note. Many people with open marriages will say, we have a great marriage with great sex, etc. A couple of years later, they're getting divorced. They'll say it had nothing to do with it being an open marriage, but in my experience, open marriages don't last as well as traditional ones.

Whatever works for you honey, that's what's most important. Each relationship is unique and dynamic, so don't get held up and held back by the conventional ideas of a monogamy. As long as u guys practice safe sex, it's all good. Enjoy life! U guys are who u r, please do not give a shit on what ppl think! Because they don't live ur life! Have a great time!

It's not NORMAL and I am a pretty judgemental person in this area but honestly I don't think there's anything WRONG about your relationship given your situation and explanation. You know what's right and works for you, damn what anyone else says/thinks. However, I do think being open about it with your kids is weird even though I believe in being open about most things. But you sound like your heads are in straight. Your fine

I have to agree with CAPTHOTROCKS, my husband would love me to have an affair and bring him all the details. Every relationship is different, do what works for you. That's healthy!

There are many types of social/familial organization. Find/create the type of social/familial organization that is most beneficial for you and your loved ones. Do what works for you and remind your detractors that they can concern themselves with their own affairs

Less "wear and tear" on you. Hell, I'd give him bus fare!

@jjr. If you actually read some of the banter back and forth you would know that she already has 11 kids and some grand kids. She is happy with her relation ship and that is what truely matters. He'll she hooked him up with one of her friends. But I agree with many that has posted it is not really considered normal but I don't see anything wrong as long as you are open with each other.

If it doesn't bother you in the least bit that your husband is intimate with other women, then it's normal for your relationship. It would bother most people but all in all it's what works for your relationship that matters in this case. It doesn't matter what others concider normal if this is what makes you and your husband happy. Do what you feel is right.

I'm going to say this probably isn't normal but that's not a bad thing. Most people are not able to have this kind of openness or able to deal with the thought of the spouse sleeping with someone else. I say good for the both of you that you've found something that works for both of you.

Normal? No. Wrong? Definitely not.

What a turn-on. If my wife needed an extra partner, I'd help her find one, and when ever she met up with him I'd want to know all the slimy details of their session then expect her to allow me the thrill of sex with her immediately after. My libido is on the decrease but THIS scenario would put me on a plane I have seldom experienced. I DEFINATELY say it's normal AND great sex.

I wish my girlfriend was like you!
But alas she is not
And it isnt normal but if it works for you keep doing it
Because if his sex drive is so wild then he wil do it behind your back
So i guess its better you know about it than not

I'm sorry but that's not love and you're an idiot for ever thinking so. You guys are immature.

Nasty freaks.

This is a first...

have just the opposite problem. My husband never wants it. Wish mine had that problem!!

if he lets you have a boyfriend then you just scored big time! open relationships that involve love are seriously some of the best. but if he gets angry about the prospect, dump his ass and move on; he's just using you.

My situation is kinda like your EXCEPT that I am a guy and I like it when my gf flirts with other guys. I agree with the other person who described hom HOT it is to know she is getting some.

Also remember that in France and Brazil it's totally normal for married ppl to have a lover.

So long as you guys set rules, all will be OK.

I think that if you guys are being honest and open then it is fine. You guys sound like you communicate well and love each other very much. Me and my partner have different sex drives and we do the same thing. We talk it about it and what is acceptable and what isn't. You do what you feel is best for your relationship regardless of others opinions

I think if you's both are happy, keep doing it. And he's not having an affair if she knows about it. Its an agreement between the two of them.

My wife and I are completely open and both have sex relationships outside of our marriage. We have great communication and sex between us is great. Let him play- maybe you should join him with the other lady for a threesome sometime!

My grandparents were married for 61 years. For 41 of those years, my grandmother battled health problems. It pretty much ended their sex life. My grandfather did what a true gentleman of his generation did. he accepted the situation and was loyal to his duty as a husband. he was very devoted and never strayed. even though he had no intercourse from age 50 to age 91. Sex with anyone else would have been unthinkable to him. Standards have come down since his time. It's a sad statement on America.

Wake up u brainless bitch! Ur married to him!

well, if you are okay with it then there shouldnt be a problem. but i dont see where you would be okay though. however you must love him very much to do alll this for him to be happy. however. why dont you try getting some sex toys he can play with and use on him self. like when yall are asleep sleep naked and he can like look at you and plesure himself. i mean that is not a sulution just a alternative to have him sleeping and connecting with other woman.

She got love and commitment. Her children loved me and still call me aunt, most of my kids got along with her good as well. It wasn't hidden if that's what u r alluding to. Each persons sex drive is different and at pushing 50 my husband still enjoys sex once a day or more as I usedto as well. We cuddle all the time and work together so have plenty of intimacy, but it's more than that...he is neeeedy. I need space to breathe, not only a break from the physical. He's a workaholic, I am too, all of our time together is a tremendous strain on us both. Sometimes we don't even c home for weeks at a time..,as for a mistress, I cannot see it as thankless for her. He is generous with time and love and money, which has never been an issue. I am generous with giving of time when we are home. If he were to die she would be the person standing by my side thru it, we are not heartless people

Eva
I can only hope that you can have love as deep as mine is for my husband. I only use this as a solution for our lives because of the health reasons that make it painful for me to always be there for him physically. We love each other and honesty is a huge part of that love. If I were dead then he could freely do what ever he needed to fulfill his life, but I'm not dead yet. Why would I wish on him a
Lack of physical release because of my constricted life? He loves me deeply and is horrified anytime I even suggest parting from him. He would never touch another woman without my consent. I could not allow him to conciously use any woman just for physical reasons without giving a part of himself, in my mind THAT would be more wrong. I love each of my children whole heartedly and inudividually. Is it do wrong to believe that my husband and I can't love each other and still have room to love another, maybe to a different degree, if that person is able and willing to know that they will never be number one in his heart?

hard question, i think marriage should be a union between both partners and only both.
but at the same time, in a way your using a third person to help let off your husbands steam.
as you said it is over whelming you physically and mentally. (so it's better then physically and mentally breaking down)
but only if it's a physical relationship that he's looking for in this "third person."
better you approving than him doing it behind your back. (i think)
and do you feel safe that he won't get emotionality attached to this new person and cause problems in your marriage.

if you don't care less, and feel relieved by this maybe the marriage isn't working out and you should get a divorce!

when i read this, i thought of the movie bed&breakfast, lol.

Of course NO! Try to get yoga sessions and stuff like that to increase your sexual life.. I can help you though

I'm jealous so I wouldn't go for something like that, but I've seen stories on TV about women who allow their boyfriends and husbands to have another partner because if they know about her, it's not cheating and he's getting his desires fulfilled while she's away, in bad health, etc. I could never allow my man to have a 'playmate' but if the two of you are okay with it, then I think it's normal.

looks like SOMEONE has mental issues. you DA!

u're so good until u could reccomand ur girlfriend to your loving husband...better think of your future !!!

No no no ur weird

Its wrong and if he cant take no Im to tired for a answer there is something wrong with him aswell and the moment that I found out that my man had a G/F he would be packing his bags and The marriage we have would be over thats for sure ill tell you that...

Never in a million years would i let my hubby even think about being with another women. But that doesnt mean that we r all alike. So if it works for u then keep it up!!

Dear jjr
We already have 11 kids. Not having anymore. Our youngest is 18 and this was not even a remote possibility until all of our kids were on their own or in college. We have been together off and on since we were teenagers. We've both been married once before and have been friends for all of those years prior to our getting back together 20 years ago. Our kids knew about their fathers girlfriend and were fine with it as long as I was happy.

sometimes its okay to go with the flow. If it doesnt bother you and enhances your life go for it. If you can see it becoming probelmatic in the future pry wouldnt want to.

Hell no

You should just look into couples' counseling, or just realize that he or you both are polygamists.

Please use condoms. I feel like having sex with multiple people is a death sentence

It's ok for you, you are the married one, you have the security and status of being married. What about the other woman? She is not getting commitment and love, she is just getting the mistress job, which is a thankless one. Are you going to be happy for her to come to your husband's funeral if he should die before you? and meet all your kids and their kids?
Also after 20 years of marriage, sex once or twice a month is pretty good going. The rest of the time, cuddling, intimacy and masturbation could perhaps suffice, maybe getting some voluntary work and thinking about other people's needs instead of his own might be a good idea.

Agreed, that's not love if you don't mind letting your man fuck someone else. If you can't meet his needs then get the fuck out of his life.

Leave him if thats the case.
thats like you telling him to cheat.
thats just weird.

You are fucking
Maybe you should find someone better!

I don't think that's normal . U should try to ease him into not having such an enormous sex drive . U should want ur husband all to yourself ! Doesn't it bother u to know that ur husband is having enjoyable sex with someone else besidesnu ?!

Your fuckin crazy woman!!!!!!!

Not normal! Do not have kids!!