Is it normal to fantasize about living in a monastery?

So, I've always been happiest with lots of nature, prayer, solitude, literature and various different spiritual groups. I feel like myself! And caring for a small group of people, simple work. I've lived on a medicine farm for a little while but that has elements I'm not into (I don't drink or smoke) and lacked the structure of shared prayer/devotion/schedule/rituals I love.

People project onto me bc I am quiet/have an active inner life, and also sweet and intelligent and still attractive enough they say to find a good man. But for many reasons, I don't want that. I've always wanted God first and foremost and I am an idiot and lose connection when my bandwidth is divided. And I fall for narcissists it seems (hindsight! behold the powers). I truthfully have never wanted children or to be married. I wanted proximity to a forest to feel close to god.

"Making it" in the real world feels so empty and stressful and I frankly do not have the time or energy after that to even get to the levels of prayer and inner recharge I like without a relationship taking up the time either. Doing things all day I don't really care about is painful. Missing heartspace and passion and devotion. Wanting to wake up! I suck it up but I do think some people need a bit more for their thirst than part-time or sunday.

I have family members in the Catholic Church. I like spiritual community. I've been watching this one video for a monastery for 2 years now and want to reach out but fear my yoga-teaching, evolutionary astrology-reading, buddhist-sitting, ayahuasca drinking santo daime surrendering, Rainbow gathering attending (frolicking from jesus camp to hare krsna songs!), India traveling (krishna's birthplace! rode plane w His Holiness Dalai Lama!) self must cloak like a fox.

Spirituality has always been my saving grace. I am currently worried about my life future as my eyes grow dim by the secular day with goals (husband, family, material acquisition) that involve things I could care less about despite trying. I have no role models and the happiest people I know are family members in the Church!

I don't want to cloak. I yearn to be authentic and let my heart come out and share myself but..

I have to know how much I can share about myself. Many nuns are more open-minded but really, I love Christianity and deeply appreciate the rituals and ways of the Catholic Church and I really would love to devote my life to growing in things that matter to my heart and soul. Which really is a monastic path.

Any Catholics rejoin?? Any monastics?? Any progressives? Love the Pope btw :)

I don't want to be weird but I'm so afraid if I tell the wrong people about all the different (amazing!) experiences, I will be rejected. Not by God but by humans. And a lifetime of fulfillment and giving the best of myself.