Is it normal to fear the person you get into a relationship with?

40% Normal
16 Comments

I have no major mental disorders or phobias that I know of, yet, when ever I get into a relationship with someone, be it a girl or a guy, I end up pushing them away. My partner always wants something more than I can give. They aren't pushy, mean or anything! My partner is always super sweet and then they'll say something like, can I kiss you, or whenever you want to go further, I can too. And I develop the most god awful fear of them, despite the fact they didn't do anything wrong.

Voting Results
40% Normal
Based on 30 votes (12 yes)
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Comments ( 16 )
  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    Stuff like this is why I think I have mostly lost interest in sex. It's nothing but frusteration and problems I don't want to deal with.

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    • handsignals
      9 years ago

      And on the 7th day God created Hookers.

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    • Lalune
      9 years ago

      It's not that I don't WANT anything like that, it's just, I get scared for absolutely no logical reason.

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      • [Old Memory]
        9 years ago

        I dont have much advice on this one. I have always been on the opposite side of the situation. Girls will act like they really like me one day and then avoid me the next and I have never been able to figure out what is wrong with people. I am better off without them.

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        • Lalune
          9 years ago

          That...just seems because most girls are moody.

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          • [Old Memory]
            9 years ago

            Not really. I can deal with someone who is angry or depressed as long as they act reasonable. I will give an example. I took a girl out this christmas and she seemed to really like me. She told me she had liked me for a while to and claimed she wanted to hang out with me more.
            I haven't seen her since. She messaged me on facebook to tell me she feels confused and doesnt want to see me for a while, but she said she does like me or else she would not have even told me that and would have avoided me.
            She also suddenly decided she is a lesbian.
            I said I was fine with just being friends and hanging out but she has not contacted me again or responded to my messages. I dont over message like some people do either. Once a day at the most, which I think is reasonable if you are trying to hangout with someone.
            I have lost interest in her anyway because of that and I think that was really rude that she would just not give an explaination to someone. That is the kind of stuff that keeps people up for days wondering what went wrong.

            This is just one event but I have had what seems around 50 similar experiences and I have been done caring long ago, but once in a while a girl will show interest in me and I will fall for it again somehow. I just do not understand people.

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  • blue-light
    9 years ago

    It's normal and it may be because your afraid of getting hurt, or you don't want to live up someone elses needs. HAVE YOU BEEN HURT BEFORE? Sounds like there is a part of you deep inside that really feels comfortable being alone and if anyone gets close or you feel close to them you do something to destroy the relationship from growing further, because your just more more contented being alone. Understand your boundaries and let him or her know when they are being violated. You will feel much better, and the other person will know that their is nothing wrong with them. Just be honest.

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  • Terence_the_viking
    9 years ago

    You sound nuts to me.

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    • Lalune
      9 years ago

      Haha, yeah, I sound nuts to me too. It's why I'm here.

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    • Crusades_
      9 years ago

      The fact that they are bisexual already labels them as insane.

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  • TrustMeImLying
    9 years ago

    Fear of them? That's so vague. What kind of fear? That they'll ask more of you? Fear of committment? Fear of what may happen if you dont do what they request?

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    • Lalune
      9 years ago

      Sorry, I didn't realize I was being vague. This fear like they might hurt me in way more then emotionally. Like they'll suddenly get annoyed with me, take what they came for and leave me. I went on date with a really nice guy, but he surprised me by kissing me at the end of the date. When I got home, my stomach was completely in knots, and I couldn't even imagine talking to him again. I was just TERRIFIED he was going to try and get more then I wanted to give.

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      • TrustMeImLying
        9 years ago

        I see. At first I thought that this may have been an extreme version of the usual butterflies and "happy scary" that comes with relationships sometimes. I'm now wondering if this irrational fear of yours stems from any experience you may have had. Don't worry you don't have to answer that, just something for you to think about yourself. Sometimes when people can figure out the roots of a behavior, it becomes much simpler to resolve it.

        All I can tell you is to try and rationalize your fear. You have no reason to be afraid. Think about it: so what if a guy tries to get more than you want to give? It's just an attempt, a request, doesn't mean he's going to get it. As a woman, you have the right to refuse anything you are not comfortable with. I sure as hell am respectful of a girl who says no if she isn't comfortable, instead of giving in because of fear or pressure. Remember, you have all the power to approve or reject anything. Isn't that an empowering thought? Why not try to blanket your fear with such an empowering and self-assuring thought?

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        • Lalune
          9 years ago

          I've come to terms with what happened, and so I assumed it wouldn't really affect me now. When I was seven, my cousin was baby sitting my sister and I while my mom was at work. He was 18 at the time, so I now know he knew better. But he'd got me up late in the night and we played a "game". I won't go into any more details then that?

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          • TrustMeImLying
            9 years ago

            I think sometimes when you come to terms with an experience, it doesn't mean it still doesn't affect you. It seems like you're still affected by it.

            Do you think you'd feel differently if you took control? Maybe initiate the kiss yourself one night so that his ass is surprised instead of yours? ;)

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            • Lalune
              9 years ago

              That sounds like quite the idea, which I might try.

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