Is it normal to fear this?
Trigger warning read at own discretion
I'm not sure if my fear even has a scientific name for the phobia itself, as its real specific and I haven't heard people that have spoken of it before. At least, not seriously since they take it as a joke.
I'm NOT joking- I'm afraid of living.
Before you click away, hear me out please! I want to know whether this is a common fear or not.
I worry for myself if I ever were to get an injury even just from enjoying myself on holiday, if I was to have to live with a debilitating condition due to it after.
Or if I were to attempt suicide, I'd have to live with the consequences of that attempt after. And I genuinely worry for those who do. I don't even have to be friends with a person whose tried. They could just be strangers to me, essentially. I don't worry for them platonically and I don't necessarily worry about their mental health. I worry about their physical health. Depending on how they had tried.
If they were to attempt a hanging, the brain can get damaged just from a few minutes without oxygen. I fear ever having to go without oxygen and becoming a vegetable for the rest of my life. Becoming trapped in my body, just from making a few mistakes in my life won't be a life worth living to me and there wouldn't even be the option there for me to end it because I physically wouldn't be able to.
I say this in confidence. Because this post is anonymous: I have suicidal thoughts DAILY. And I fear, because of how clumsy a person I am, that if I were to fail having to live with a part of my body not functioning properly anymore. If I were to try, I'd want it to be more than just an "attempt" basically.
I'm not so afraid of death or the unknown. I'm an atheist I don't see there being life after death, nor no pit of Hell or Heaven I'd have to deal with afterward. I'd be DEAD anyway so I probably wouldn't care.
I'm afraid of what I do know. I'm afraid of things like the pain of living with physical pain or just all over, physical, numbness. I'm afraid that if I tried overdosing (like one of my options I'd considered in the past). If it didn't add up to enough to do the deed, but rather it was more than enough to have a bad affect on my body. Surely that would be a painful experience
Anyway, thanks for listening- not a troll, not trying to seek attention, just trying not to feel so alone in my fears, maybe?