Is it normal to feel kinda freaked out about this, "accident "?

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I have have been acting as a live in caretaker for my parents who are in their 80s, and yesterday afternoon I had to help my father who had a diarrhea related accident, because he couldn't get to the toilet fast enough. I was in my room on the phone with my sister when a heard sounds like someone fell down, and was screaming. When I got to the door of the master suite the smell hit me like a Mac truck! I found my 85 year old dad naked, soiled and on his hands and knees trying to clean the mess. I had to help him get up, and walk to the shower then my mom helped him get cleaned up in the shower. He almost fell down once.

This was not a pleasant experience, but honestly the worst thing was the smell, and the mess. I kinda always knew this day would come, I just didn't know which one of my folks would be first. I'm kinda freaked out.

All I could do was just help, try to keep my cool and reassure my dad that we love him. I also told him that I once peed my pants in a department store when I was seven years old.

This caretaker stuff ain't for sissies, and I should probably start going to the gym to try to build more muscle, because I'm gonna need it!

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Comments ( 9 )
  • ospry
    1 year ago

    That's really awesome of you to care for your elderly parents. It's sad how many people feel like the proper way to repay parents for raising you is to stick them in a retirement home and visit them 1-2 times a year. If that

    Being a caretaker absolutely is not for sissies, so good on you for being up to the task, especially after a scare like this. It was sweet of you to reassure your dad, too. As much as that sounds like a disgusting nightmare to clean up, your poor dad must have felt humiliated about his accident, so letting him know you're always there for him was probably exactly what he needed to hear in the moment

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    • RoseIsabella
      1 year ago

      Thank you so much for your support! Things have changed so much since this time last year. I lost my cat, Andrew, to a heart attack, my mom had a heart attack, and now I'm here in their home permanently to help as as per their request.

      I tried to administer CPR to Andrew, but as we all know it didn't work. I feel like I need to take a class on CPR for the sake of my parents, and then probably take one on CPR for animals(dogs &cats) before we get an animal companion. I know this sounds greedy, but I want a Siamese cat, and a dog. Maybe a golden retriever?

      I tend to not have as much time to myself as I had become accustomed to before, so then at night I want to be online and I can't sleep.

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      • LloydAsher
        1 year ago

        I mean it's worth a shot. You got to take into consideration the increased heart rates of our pets.

        Honestly I'm just fine with knowing CPR for humans. I'd perfer if the care for my pets be as low maintenance as possible, like getting another kind of kibble to help their bones is good. But a 4k surgery is a no go.

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        • RoseIsabella
          1 year ago

          Well, I don't have four grand to spare, but I've honestly always wanted to learn animal CPR. I think I'm much more squeamish about possibly having to perform CPR on a human that I don't know than on any dog, or cat. I would do CRP on my folks, or sister in a heartbeat though.

          I'm very much not a happy camper about all the things that have come to pass in the past couple of years. My doctor doubled my high blood pressure medication the last time I saw her, and sometimes I have to take a Klonopin.

          It's difficult always thinking about my elderly parents, their mortality, and sometimes I even think of my mortality as well. I really miss having a feline companion, and sometimes I'm afraid I'll never have another cat again.

          When you have to physically take care of your elderly parents it's a sort of surreal, and humbling thing.

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  • CDmale4fem
    1 year ago

    My uncle used to live about 15 miles from me. Last time I had seen him he was fine, then next thing I know he has a rapid onset of cancer of some sort. He didnt want anyone to see him like he was. His daughter did most of the care that he needed. He was having to deal with that sort of stuff. This October 2022 will be 2 years since he passed. I really miss the guy. He was to the point his daughter had to go with him to the bathroom to make sure to clean him up after the toilet. So I guess that's what we have to look forward to. Not making it to the bathroom and shitting our pants.

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    • RoseIsabella
      1 year ago

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and experience. In a weird way it was like watching an elderly version of my myself who just happens to have a Y chromosome is all. It's scary though, because he's a lot more childlike nowadays, and that humbles me in a way. My father, and I have very similar facial features, bone structures and builds. I love my father very much, he's been like my bestfriend all my life, and it's hard to see him so frail.

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      • CDmale4fem
        1 year ago

        That is the way I would feel too if I was in your place.

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        • RoseIsabella
          1 year ago

          Thanks!

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  • dude_Jones
    1 year ago

    Forget the gym, my friend. You need nursing skills and you’ll have to learn them fast. Sorry to say, but hospice is coming up sooner than you think. And, what most people fail to anticipate is that when the unexpected happens, you’ve got to be ready immediately.

    This means you need all the right convalescent gear in their closet. A walker, a step ladder that he can practice getting up on from the floor so he knows what to do when he falls. There are bed rails you can put on his existing bed. When he can’t get out bed on his own anymore, you can put it in, and he will have a way to do it himself. A shower stool for him and a European style hand shower should get installed right now. You’re going to need it sooner or later to get in and clean him up.

    Can you give subcutaneous shots? Do you know how to bathe an unconscious patient in a hospital bed? What about a blood pressure cuff? Now is the time to watch YouTube nursing videos so you’re not doing it for the first time when you need to.

    I’m telling you this for a reason. I cared for my wife for four years at home as she was fighting blood cancer. I was part of her nursing care team, studied first year medical school textbooks, and called in every morning to present data for direction from the nursing team daily reviews.

    I’ll just say this. When you say your wedding vows, you don’t understand the “in sickness and in health” clause. But, when your spouse dies in your arms, you’ll finally understand, in a poignant way, the closure that love brings to life.

    You and I have both been here at IIN for a long time. Just a friendly suggestion: better get busy.

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