Is it normal to feel mixed emotions with my dad and his gf?

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5 Comments

A few months ago my dad met this lady, and they clicked right from the get-go. Ever since, things have progressed quite fast, and are now living together. I'm happy for him because he has a girl in his life that isn't flaky. I've met his gf a couple times since they first got together. I do like his gf. There's no denying it. She's nice, gentle, and smart. However, part of me feels like she doesn't like me, or isn't as interested into me. This has since caused me to overthink and feel a mix of negative and positive thoughts when around her. My dad's an extrovert, and I'm an introvert. His gf is also an extrovert. Might not mean anything but I just wonder if that has anything to do with it.

I've also noticed that when we're in the same room, I'm sometimes not part of the conversation. I'll just sit there, relaxing for a good hour before they ask me something, or include me into the discussion. It makes me feel negative because I ask myself if they even want me there. Then there's times I'll be part of the conversation more than usual, and in those cases I feel good.

Now, again I could be overthinking because they know I'm an introvert, so it's possible they're just respecting my wishes without letting me know. I just want to know if it's normal to feel these mix of emotions, and perhaps might need more exposure in order to feel truly comfortable.

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Based on 7 votes
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Comments ( 5 )
  • Boojum
    5 years ago

    If they've only been together a few months, they're probably still pretty wrapped up in each other, so that might be part of the reason you feel like an outsider when you're with them. It's called New Relationship Energy. That always starts to fade after a while, and then the couple has to make a shift to a calmer, stable, long-term relationship.

    I think it's perfectly normal for you to feel confused about what you think about this new woman in your life. You didn't choose to live with her, so it's good that you can see positive things about her and your father's relationship with her. Actually, I think that's not so common, and it's more usual for the child of a single parent to have serious problems with a parent's new partner. Often they're either very much like the absent parent or drastically unlike them, and either of those can cause problems.

    What's to stop you from talking to your father about your feelings? It would be different if you thought his new love was a total bitch and a thoroughly nasty person, but you're just feeling uncertain, detached and possibly a little insecure.

    You clearly are someone who has a lot of insight into your feelings, so tell your father what you like about his new love and share your feelings with him.

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    • Ellenna
      5 years ago

      Hey you've done it again, written a response I wish I'd written, except I hadn't heard of New Relationship Energy as a term, although I've noticed it for a long time, both in myself and others.

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      • Boojum
        5 years ago

        I encountered the term New Relationship Energy when reading about polyamory. Fairly obviously, when a member of an established couple becomes emotionally involved with someone else, the new relationship can seem intoxicatingly exciting compared to the prior relationship, and this can really screw things up. If you can understand and accept that your partner is just in the throes of NRE with their new love, you can make allowances and wait for things to settle down.

        I'm not polyamorous, but I've certainly experienced NRE quite a few times, and I think the term fits the feeling.

        Problems arise when people confuse NRE with love. When it fades - and it invariably does - they think they're no longer in love.

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  • thevicker
    5 years ago

    When my dad found a new girlfriend I was jealous when I saw him kissing her and angry as well, he never kissed me in the same way

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    • Ellenna
      5 years ago

      Why were you wanting your dad to kiss you the way he kisses his girlfriend, with whom I'm assuming he's sexually involved? That's weird

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