Is it normal to find release in torturing small helpess animals?

Hypothetically speaking of course, and I'll speak in the first person.

I love to torture animals. I do all sorts of crazy things and come up with refined means of torturing them. My favorite animal to torture is a cat. Here's a description of one way I torture a cat:

I've learned to hold their fore arms down with my hand covering their chest and with their bodies on me and head facing away, and then I bite down on their ear as hard as I can. Their fore arms are restricted so they can't scratch me and their legs are kicking in the air looking for something to scratch but they can't find anything. While I'm doing this, I'm using my right hand to hold the cat's mouth shut so it can't scream. Otherwise it screams in agonizing pain that can be heard by the neighbors. Sometimes when I do this, the pain is so intense that the cat shits itself, so I've learned to keep his anus area just above something I can clean it up with but just not above myself. Usually I'm laying down while I do this and the cat's on top of me.

Sometimes the cat is able to bite me or scratch me partway through and when that happens I get all the more pissed off and I torture it even more.

I know how to make it feel the most intense pain possible for the longest time possible without causing any kind of noticeable marks or bruises. There are other areas of the potential of extreme pain on cats such as using your nails to dig into their spine. Suffocating them while you do it increases their frustration level.

Sometimes when the cat fights back and hurts me and I get into a bigger rage and hurt it back even harder than what I was doing, I get a slight sexual arousal. I'm not a bestiality person or nothing, I'm not a pervert.

The thing is I was tortured while I was growing up by my father. It was mainly emotional torture I went through, and it lasted for many years. Now I get along with my father. I feel as though I want to tell him I hate him, and that I will never forget what he did to me. But the many years of frustration built up inside of me is here. I'm now almost 35 years old. I'm not a bad person or anything. I am not violent and would never hurt another person. I am very anti-social and upset with people. I am very liberal. If it were legal to kill people, I would start killing and I wouldn't stop, but I would only kill people who deserved to die in my eyes. Which is most people.

I have a psychologist but I'm afraid to tell him this. I'm afraid he's going to force me to go to jail or force me into a mental hospital. I want help but at the same time for very obvious reasons I do not want to be incarcerated. I am so scared for the animals I hurt because I don't want to hurt them but I do. I do not have another outlet for my frustrations. Punching a bag that does not feel it brings me no release.

So is this normal or what? What should I do?