Is it normal to go through this?

My mind is changing and I hate it. Cannot put my finger on it but it is.

It is really hard to think and it is very very very hard to type in this post, i literally cannot think because i cannot organize my thoughts and just thinking makes my head feel like its going through a cheesegrater. Thinking is not thinking anymore, thinking is now grinding my brain with a cheesegrater. I literally have to just type without thinking hoping that what comes out makes sense.
This is all happening gradually too.

My bones are shrinking too, I feel the changes and particualry in the knees the bones feel as if they are candy being sucked out and also my face is starting to look deformed and its terrifying. Other people don't seem to notice anything yet but this is gradual and my family doesn't notice because it is gradual and its not in the state when they notice that this is not normal anymore and I hate it.

All these worries and problems I am obsessing about is ruining my life, obviously doctors and therapists cannot do shit and I swear if there is a god out there he would have killed me in my sleep ages ago. But no, nobody dies peacefully in their sleep anymore and everyone dies long painful deaths and i hate that so much.
Most nights I hope that when I do finally sleep I will die, this is one of the few things that give me hope or maybe the bone issue will finally kill me but thats not going to be a nice death...

I dont go on facebook anymore, I dont really talk to anyone online anymore and I cannot talk to my family because I will bring them down with my bullshit. The only reason why I keep going on is because of my family, I live for my family in an attempt to relive the memories of when my head didn't snap and when my body wasn't doing weird things.

there is nothing in the future, mankind will largely die, the future will be dystopian and post-apocalyptic and I am glad that I will die before that and I hope that I die before my parents do... I just cant stand the thought of scattering their ashes with nothing to come back to other than vodka.

Has any of you felt this way? Is this normal?