Is it normal to google most thoughts i have?

Ever since I got into a relationship last year, I tried so hard to be my best version of myself - non judgmental, patient, etc. So I started googling thoughts on how to be this person and tips to try and practise to get me there.

Unfortunately, you can't change everything all at once (and I understand some flaws make you human, can't beat yourself up for it).

Anyway, I started getting super anxious and closed-off in this relationship (my first and due to various reasons I don't wish to disclose) and I got dumped after about 4 months. Yes, I am sad about it and yes I do miss him. Unfortunately, I think/trying to convince myself it was for the best in the long haul. Not worth the mental trauma for the both of us (we really didn't want to hurt each other and probably sacrificed a lot of what we wanted).

I digress, anyway... ever since then, I've been Googling every single reaction I have to life. And it's almost like I think something and go back and check if others have had thoughts like this to ensure that I'm not messed up/sociopathic/etc. This is just one of the sites I've found (but the first time I've actually posted my thoughts rather than searching for someone with the same/similiar thoughts).

I want to say the reason I do this is to convince myself that I still deserve love after what happened to me. I took things very personally and felt like I was losing my sense of self afterward (still do).

What do you guys think? Is this normal....