Is it normal to grow up this way?

I am 25 this year. and i have a really messed up childhood, to cut story short, during my days, we don't have all this Whatsapp and Facebook yet, so we always use yahoo messenger instead. i still remember that during that time i was around 14 years old and i keep setting my profile picture of someone's burning. for me it's funny that time but i remembered that my cousin sending me a text saying that why do i like this kind of stuff. and during that time i was always listening to messed up songs. when i get older i found out the song that i used to listen when i was a child, and commented : believe it or not this was my childhood song. and someone replied : you need to see a doctor.
that makes me start thinking that am i normal?
when i get older, things that messed up my childhood haven't stop. so when it happens again, i started to scratch myself until i bleed or bang my head on the wall and scratch my head and bang it again until it bleed as well. i cried like a maniac and cuts myself and i even trying to cut my vein and trying to take it out and play with it just for fun when i'm really upset. when i get older, i started to think of suicide.
don't get me wrong, if you see me in real life, i'm that really bright person who really love cute stuff, cute dolls, kids, all the lovely things in the world and love to laugh and making friends, basically i am that kind of person that brings positive energy and aura to everyone. So people thought about me is always 'that bubbly person again' 'kawaii!' 'your so sweet and kind' 'i wanted to protect you' but no one know this part of me.
i don't know who to talk to.
when i'm in this age, when i get really upset or hurt, i just bit my hands until i get bruises. and watching all those psycho lunatic movies.. it makes me calm and enjoy. but i won't cut or over hurt myself anymore.
it took me lots of courage to write this. my hands are shaking and my eyes wont stop tearing.
just wanted to know, am i normal?