Is it normal to hate interactions this much?
Hey all,
I've never written about myself in the internet before, but I got to the point in this past year where I've really started to question my mental state. I know I'm not normal, don't even want to be, but am I crazy?
I found my passion in life and I'm studying for it to be my profession, it fills my free-time and 80% of my thoughts also. I'm a classical pianist and teacher, 25 years old now.
I'm very antisocial. I love only my family, and nowadays myself too (that took a lot of time and growing). During high school I used to spend more time with people, but then again I didn't know what to do with my life back then. I have been in a few longer relationships, but I'm single now and plan stay that way. I love being alone, with my thoughts.
My concern is, am I too much of an introvert? Will it destroy me eventually? I feel that I have seen everything about people, nothing surprises or excites me about them anymore. I avoid conversations, even really short ones, I'm just not interested. I usually plan my routes to minimize interactions. I have all these absurd thoughts of me being more intelligent than the vast majority of people that I daily have to interact with. I do not lack social skills, I just feel there's nothing for me to gain from talking to people.
I really don't want to be a purist, but modern music makes my everyday life really painful. It's everywhere, I really can't block it out, I'm forced to soak it in. My ears are used to pick up details in music, analysing harmonies and melodies as I go, I can't help it anymore, it just happens by nature. And trust me when I say, after being exposed to things like Chopin, Rachmaninov and Mozart for years, it really is almost physically painful for me to be forced to listen to popular or heavy music among other over-simplified, never-ending and ugly noise.
I don't answer my phone most of the time. I only like to talk if I need to get something done. I feel like people constantly steal my time and energy, it's my biggest enemy.
Some thoughts that run through my brain EVERY DAY, maybe listing these would give you a better picture of my issues, this is my life:
"I got absolutely nothing to say to you."
"I'm not interested in anything about you, please don't come closer."
"Why do you approach me? What do you want from me?"
"Leave me alone."
"Here it comes, a lot of uninteresting topics."
"Please don't say hi to me, I loathe greeting all the time, even more if it leads to some stupid small talk."
"Idiots, sheeps, I just want to go home."
"Stop staring, is it really too much asked to have my own space?"
"Gadgets, sports, bla bla, popular culture and weather bla."
"Why can't people mind their own business?"
"Consumerism, things, things and things, bleh."
"Why I'm so alone with these thoughts? Feels like I'm surrounded by zombies all my life."
"Who the **** calls me again"?
"I don't push myself or my thoughts on anyone, why is everyone shoving their uninteresting things down my throat all the time?"
You are normal. | 8 | |
You need help. | 10 | |
I'm just like you! | 18 | |
You need to change your attitude. | 10 | |
You are great! | 7 |