Is it normal to lie on your cv/resume?

A lot of things on my CV are highly exaggerated. For example I claim to be adept at Java and C# just because I did them in college, but that was a few years ago and I wasn't even great at them back then. I probably couldn't write more than a few lines of code now. I also claim to have great communication and teamwork abilities even though I have chronic social anxiety and sometimes can't even manage to say hello to people in the mornings. I claim to have achieved a certain certificate, but really I've only partially completed it (at first I honestly thought I had fully completed it, by the time I realised I hadn't it was already on my CV and I just never bothered to correct it since). I also claim that some of my main work responsibilities in previous jobs I've had were things that I really only ever did once or twice ever. Are these all ordinary exaggerations that everyone makes?

I have yet to really blatantly lie on it though. I am really considering it though, there are a couple minor certificates I would like to add that would be desirable to employers. Or even general things like first aid training or other personal achievements. Is this a good idea? Is it normal for people to do that?

Half of my CV is lies anyway because of the personal profile. I have things on there like motivated, enthusiastic, hard working, independent, competent, which is all complete rubbish. And I know you'll think that these are just exaggerations rather than lies, since I'm saying that I'm very motivated etc. when I'm really only a bit motivated. But in my case these are just outright lies, I'm not motivated or hard working at all. I hate work, I'm lazy and I take every chance I can get to slack off. I'm also not at all independent/competent. I need everything explained to me in minute detail, step-by-step, for me to know what I'm doing, with constant reminders again afterwards, otherwise I'm lost. I much prefer simple monotonous work I've done a million times before and that I'm comfortable with, than anything new where I have any responsibility whatsoever.