Is it normal to live/love like this

27% Normal
12 Comments

Let me explain where it all started. Keep in mind I am young but been through more than imagined. So as I grew up my life was set . I was a Honor student, beautiful, athletic (soccer, basketball, volleyball, cheerleading and karate; black belt since i was 8). I a had basketball scholarship waiting since I hit highschool, Which is where it all started. To try & make a long story short I became addicted to xannies. I was a walking od. When i hit my sophmore by end of that year i had tried every drug besides crack & heroin & had lost my best friend to a drug overdose. She was banging any drug so never/ always swore id never touch a needle. Lost all my friends & my family had given up. Sadly I dropped out school my senior yr while in a relationship with who I thought my first love was. I was Sober& content (only been two yrs) I was dancing & only drinking & had own apartment & money. One night met a young man while working ( things been bad). .who looked at me and said "smile, your beautifull"& so I did. along with leaving my man in a matter of days to be worry free,happy, having that sense of safety,care free, etc.. I was in love! for about 8 months when I met my addiction I have now, Shooting up meth, cocaine or any speed. He introduced me to the drug and the needle. Things got bad. I got moody & ununsexual. He got crazy, loud, pushy and paranoid after a few months I had to move out because I was scared and seen myself in the mirror after losin 50lbs. He loved me called constantly, apologizing, and begging I came home. Anyways tried to ignore him and a month later after not seein and only calls& text. I was back seeing him &his son(another story) only few times till he went to jail (30days). I was unable to visit but writing & being there for calls. Fyi he was reconnecting with his sons mom & I was cluessless till I bonded him out but says he is in love with me. Also Still have my addiction; at that point it was slowed down but i Had faced death toe to toe and still didn't stop. Im an adult & could've said no from the start. But does anybody blame for blaming him for my addiction & moving out to get clean any. He been through an addiction with it before that He hated so why bring your loved one around it, "who you'd never hurt or get hurt by anybody/thing", to take that chance?
So what do I do now that I'm madly in love with someone who I do everything for when he only calls when he needs to get his nut or money. Who hates me for leaving when things got tough.( ex. I had to jump off our balcony on third floor because the sofa was pinned against the door)
Now I'm faced with the option to go several states away to start fresh . . But can't find it in me to leave him or my addiction. . I'm depressed and lonely & broke while fighting the little addiction and yet againing failing my dad & brothers who now jus look at me with disappointment even now that I'm trying. . Anybody have any advice for my messed up life?

Voting Results
27% Normal
Based on 30 votes (8 yes)
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Comments ( 12 )
  • joybird
    12 years ago

    I'm so very sorry to hear this :o( but you must get away from toxic people like your bf who are keeping you addicted. You know that he's no good for you.

    Do whatever it takes to save yourself!
    You are young and have your whole life ahead of you so don't let this ruin you!

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    • untamed
      12 years ago

      Ya I did not sure wat to do now tho. Can't stay awake for nothing. I feel so lost and helpless. Eat sleep eat sleep smoke break eat sleep etc.

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      • Crudhouse
        12 years ago

        GET AWAY AND START FRESH! Easier said than done...obviously...I should know, I have a hard time keeping off cigarettes! Good luck though, wish other people could do more for you on this, but unfortunately I doubt anyone else can get you out of this rut. Feel horrible for you though

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  • JuliusE
    12 years ago

    Go to Narcotics Anonymous. It will save your life IF you want what they have and are willing to make the effort to get it. Look up meetings online where you are.

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  • MauriceLikesChicks1015
    6 years ago

    Never give up on yourself, just speak to a therapist or a doctor about your problems but reconnect with your family members most importantly since they should matter the most to you as they gave you life brought by God(if you're religious).

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  • funnymoments
    10 years ago

    this is like a book

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  • Neapolitana
    11 years ago

    Moving away sounds like a good choice, but it might be better to stay near your family.. Ask a friend/family member to accompany you to an NA meeting. You won't have to talk if you don't want to, and everyone there will be in the same boat as you:) God bless you!

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  • pambambam
    12 years ago

    Hmmmm :?

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  • pambambam
    12 years ago

    If you don't change you're gonna end up dead. Do you want to die? Just leave! I did so many drugs. Smoked meth for a month. It's not worth it. You can change. I did. If you see me now you would have never imagined everything I did. I'm on the other side and I have to tell you that you're gonna end up on the street if you don't quit. Demons do exsist and you can't let them take over. I'll pray for you but you gotta be sick and tiyerd of the same crash all the time. Go with weed but get out of method. At least you won't overdose.

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    • untamed
      12 years ago

      I have!

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  • pambambam
    12 years ago

    Im really concern about you. Nothing good can come from shooting meth. you gotta run for your life before you end uo dead. you build up endurance and then you need more and more to get you high.you start decomposing while youre alive. No matter how much he loves you he will never ever be able to help you or lead you to become a better person. He needs as much help as you do. Choose to live, ten years down the road you'll be glad you moved on. Im sober and trust me it feels great to not get high on anything. You might not want to , but once youre sober you will be happy. its all about changing your comfort and what you think makes you happy. Hope you choose to change.

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    • untamed
      12 years ago

      Things have been better slowly but surely. Evrrybody ask for the old me idk who that was that's diff from now. I'm so depressed and can't get my body or brain awake long enough to eat and that's it any ideas on how to function

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