Is it normal to lose confidence in a relationship?

3 Comments

I was a very confident person before my relationship.

When I met him & started dating, I suddenly became super shy and it made me crazy because I couldn't imagine he wanted to be with me (he was intimidating, handsome, put-together, caring). I was super shy & didn't think I was good enough for him, so my insecurities kept me back the whole time. I've had relationships before but was taking this one very slowly.

However, when the relationship started one month after the honeymoon, he was already comfortable, and never went out of his way to know me further, do anything special for me, etc. show extra affection. He was already comfortable & happy. I usually go out of my way to take things slowly, develop relationships further, ask questions, get intimate, but he never did those things and just drove ahead.

So I felt uncomfortable hanging out w him a lot and felt like I didn't really know him. My brain refused to let me get comfortable. I felt like I was too dark a person for him, so I kept that in the back of my mind. I told him a few times that I felt uncomfortable & felt he was too good for me, but he just kind of brushed it off and laughed and we didn't develop it much further.

For some reason I kept sinking in my shell, and pushed him away and drifted.

Now that I am back on my own, I am comfortable with who I am and back in my shell. Not sure what to do about this in future or prevent.

I've had relationships in the past where I was very confident (personalities, etc.) but this is the first where I've felt truly intimidated by a guy due to my own insecurities of him, and I ruined it. Idk what to do.

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Comments ( 3 )
  • Somenormie
    3 years ago

    That is a normal aspect of relationship and so it can lead to insecurity or as DarkDemonicDesire by using the quotations " they are incompatible ", it may also mean that you don't share the same attributes as that person and you are better of with someone who has the same ones.

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  • ellnell
    3 years ago

    That's really bad and means it wasn't a good relationship, one person doesn't necessarily have to be toxic for a relationship to be bad sometimes you're just incompatible.
    A relationship should be a nice extra source of happiness in your life and you should feel you and your partner are equal and a team. It's vital to feel comfortable with your partner, if you don't then he's not right for you. There is nothing wrong with that. I would say that means the two of you don't vibe - aren't on the same wavelenghts. I've dated a guy myself that I felt intimidated by, he was also very put together and "perfect", as it turns out merely on the surface though... It didn't work we were on very different places in life and for some reason he expected me to go from 0-100 immadiately and didn't give me any chance to truly warm up to him and get to know him properly. That's not good and I realized myself that it's not possible to be with someone who makes you feel intimidated, anxious and like you have to pretend to be someone you're not. On the other hand i've met other guys i've felt intimidated by at first but gradually over time that feeling faded as we got to know each other well as friends and found respect for each other. That can't happen though of course unless both parties have that sort of patience.

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  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    You two probably were incompatible in certain ways.

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