Is it normal to love a teacher (who is no longer my teacher) more than mom

6 Comments

Is it normal to love a woman more than your mom?
I have a very bad relationship with mom . I am a 18 yo girl and last year i had a great female teacher she is 45 and she has her own family and children . At the beginning she was very cool and good teacher i admired her she is a very strong woman . By the time we started to become friends and i could easly open up to her she listen very carefully and she gives me advice . She has never judged me . She comforts me and make me feel so good . Then we did activities out of school together like running and she always gives me her books to read them . I was so impressed by her . She cares for me she knows how i feel even i don't tell her and this is was very important to me . when i have problems , the first person i want to talk to is her . I get really attached to her . She is always there for me even then i m no longer her student and i went to college i see her like three times a week we go run together or swim. she is like a mother figure to me i respect her so much and she means a lot to me .she changed the way i think and my perspective . I can no longer live without her . She trust me a lot she told me things about her life and her childhood that only close ones know. and i feel very happy when i am with her . I love her more than i love my mom . Her house make me feel so in peace and loved she knows that i love her but she doesn’t know how much . She changed me . She made me heal from my childhood trauma and be a better person . I told her about traumatizing things that i have never could told anyone about . I love her so much i could not explain it but i started seeing her as a mother . There was a moment that i was so depressed and having a suicidal thoughts my mom didn’t even notice but even i didn't tell her anything she looked at me in the eyes and told me what is going on , what is wrong and she helped me to get over it . She is an angel i can't live without her is that . Like i had and empty place in my heart and lack of affection and she just filled it with love and care. Is that normal

Feeling Suicidal?
We couldn't help but notice that you might be asking about things related to suicide...
If that's not the case, please ignore this message.
But, if that is the case, please, please, please call this hotline and talk to someone about it. Or, visit one of these websites and get some help.
Unfortunately IIN isn't the best place for you to be asking about this. Check out the above websites or call one of the hotlines instead. They can help. Really. We know what we're talking about. Call. Do it. Please.
Remember that everything gets better with time.
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 6 )
  • Grunewald
    2 years ago

    OP I have lived with what you are describing. University broke me. Then I went back to visit my old school and it was clear the teachers I'd known no longer cared about as much as they used to. Something snapped in me. I stopped having 'parent-like authority figures' because I felt so betrayed. I still have 'favourite people' though.

    Now I am a teacher myself. Teaching kids has sort of reversed the direction of the parent-child thing. They are my little ones. For the sake of the kids, and not putting them through what I went through, I try not to let any of them get too emotionally close to me and I don't socialise with former students.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
      -
    • Celine2019
      2 years ago

      But she said to me that she love me and once i said to her thank u for existing in my life she told me that she will always be here

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • Grunewald
        2 years ago

        One person's experience isn't another person's. My experience is that people say that on the spur and the feelings of a moment and don't mean to be bound by their word eternally. I also have moments when I think "I love that kid", though I don't say it. What I do know is that it is not professionally responsible to say things like that as a teacher, and that it takes a lot of effort to carve out time for a person when you are an adult - especially if you have your own kids. What I think you could have (if you are desiring teachers to be like parents to you) is a sort of trauma as a result of your parents not being what you needed them to be. An intense relationship with a teacher is unlikely to help you, even though they are responsible adults who care for you. It's sad to say, but you need to work on transforming this need to be loved by a teacher into something else that is more indicative of emotional healthiness. Therapy is probably the best thing.

        If this teacher allows you to stay in touch after leaving the school, I personally think she is expecting you to grow out of needing her in an intense, devotional way as you move through life and other things take up your time, since this is what almost inevitably happens with people who are emotionally 'normal'. It didn't happen with me until much later and I don't expect that it should necessarily come to you quickly either - but your teacher doesn't know that!

        All this being said, I have a former teacher I am still in touch with, though she wasn't that close to me when I was a pupil and we didn't have that devotional bond. She was always just 'around'. We see each other from time to time but she isn't like a 'mum' to me off the back of what she was as a teacher - the friendship isn't fulfilling anything I had desired as a young person she isn't even like her 'teacher self' at all.

        This brings me to my final point. Teachers aren't their 'natural' selves when they're teaching: there's a method to how you act when you're in front of pupils. The person you know your teacher to be, isn't necessarily what they are to themselves or their loved ones, outside of that very controlled environment that is the classroom. If you knew her real self you might not adore your teacher as much. We act selfless, put you first and employ every ounce of charisma we have, because we need to hold the attention of our classes so that they will listen to us for an hour or more without chatting or mucking around. We need to do this not because we're on a power trip but to get you to give your own future a chance.

        But I don't know your special teacher, or you.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        1
        1
  • Somenormie
    2 years ago

    I have no say in this so no comment.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • 1WeirdGuy
    2 years ago

    Disrespectful to your mother to compare.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Grunewald
      2 years ago

      On IIN there are no taboos.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1