Is it normal to love two people?
I currently have a 5 year relationship with my boyfriend. However,when the pandemic started, I moved back to my hometown so basically we're in a long distance relationship. He's somewhat of a perfect boyfriend and he's been good to me all these years and I love him so much. Marriage for the both of us was kind of a sure thing.
Since moving back to my hometown, I met this guy who has the same situation as I do - a 5 year relationship and also his girlfriend is in another city. We ended up flirting since we pretty much hangout at the same spot almost thrice a week. Now, I'm a flirty girl but I don't usually take these guys seriously. I get a few guys flirt with me everytime but I get sick of them after a month so its really not a big deal. I just like the attention I guess?
So me and this guy ended up talking everyday and going on dates (nobody in our circle of friends know).
We promised to not cross any lines and just stick to flirting but one thing lead to another. We kissed, we had sex, we basically did everything under the description of cheating. That was the first 3 months of being together.
Now, it's been 6 months since the day I met him. I thought it was purely physical attraction. I thought it was the sex that kept me going to him but we stopped fucking months ago and I dont know... Being in the same space with him was enough to keep me happy. Spending time with him was like spending time with someone I knew all my life. He was so easy to be with, always gentle, always patient with me. Talking to him was enough. I didn't need the sex and the kisses anymore, I just needed to be with him. He told me he felt the same but neither of us wants to let go of our long term relationships.
We're planning to end things next month because we know its wrong. It took a lot of strength for us to decide and do the right thing but I don't know if I can take it. I know its the right thing to do but why can't I breathe when I think about not being with him. Now, my heart sinks when he mentions his girlfriend's name compared to months ago that I didn't even flinch nor cared.
Somebody tell me what to do or how to deal with this. I'm so confused. Why do I feel like this? I can't tell this to anyone since we kept it a secret from everybody and its so painful to think that after all of that we need to pretend that nothing happened. I need to pretend that I didn't love every inch of his being, his smile, his laugh and everything in between. I'm scared that what if we we're meant for each other and we'd be making the mistake of letting each other go. Or what if I'm just projecting my emotions unto him because it's been so long since I saw my boyfriend?