Is it normal to not feel loved when stressed

This is a maladaptive response to stress/anxiety. It's normal (as in common), but it's completely unhealthy.

ASIDE STREET CRED:
I'm an (thankfully not extreme) anxiety sufferer. For me it's caused by ADHD, which I did therapy for and shit cause I didn't want to be dependent on meds. I only mention that cause it gives me some insight into your thought process, cause I've been there, homie.

So I did cognitive behavioral therapy & a lot of people will recommend that. It is helpful to a certain extent but you have to do most of the work yourself & it's almost more helpful to look it up yourself instead of pay like 50 bazillion dollars to not get any info past the basics. In your case I'd look into it, particularly "cognitive distortions." The just is kinda recognizing unhelpful thought patterns and reframing them.

BACK TO YOU:

So, your big issue is that you're letting anxiety build up to a point where it gets released in inappropriate ways. Stress is like a pressure valve & if you don't release it or deal with it appropriately, it will just explode and splatter everywhere. The problem with this is that it will be redirected towards illogical places, and instead of providing relief, it will just culminate in more stress. Anxiety builds on itself if you don't keep it under control.

What you're doing is called catastrophizing, which is basically imagining your personal worst case scenario of the most hurtful, disastrous thing you can't handle and trying to preemptively deal with it because your convinced (in anxiety mode) that any and every bad thing possible outside of your control could potentially happen, and you'd better steel yourself for that.

You know it's illogical, but it doesn't FEEL that way because it could POTENTIALLY happen...I mean, manipulative people that hurt you and lie are out there, right?

Right now you're in a place where you are fully aware that this isn't a healthy way of thinking, and I would encourage you to deal with that immediately.

Not only does anxiety do you harm, but it will fuck up your relationship. You will, when in an anxious state, remember all the minor slights or mistakes your boyfriend has made and hyperfocus on them. You will end up questioning his motives and your trust, which is incredibly hurtful after a long relationship where he has shown you love and support. You will start to have irrational trust issues and tins of shit.

Thankfully that's never happened to me because I saw anxiety forming & chose not to let it control how I treated another person.

You need to figure out what works for you to help with these doubts and it's different for everyone. For me, I would wait until I'm in a positive mood & write a list of 100 things my bf has done that made me feel loved and supported & I would read it when I'm in negative space. I would also explore other ways to relieve my regular life stress (like exercise, or relaxation, or anything) so I don't take it out on someone who absolutely does not deserve to be doubted.

Anxiety is just a monster in your head that can make you doubt and distrust the people who have shown up for you every time. I encourage you to take the steps you need not to let it get to that. It's important for you & for him.

Take an attachment style test. Might shed some clarity on the situation ❤

He doesn't love you.

Narcissism