Is it normal to not want to talk to my mother?
I have been abused physically, mentally, emotionally, and sexually by my own mother. She despised me because I was female. She wouldn't feed me anything that wasn't drugged; I had my own paddle; she called me god-forbidden names. Growing up, we didn't have much food. Granted, we never really saw our mother unless she was home drunk with another man or just beating us. She'd always lower my self-steem by calling me names and telling me she hated me. She put a gun up to my head countless times. She forced me on guys, touching them where I had no business being. There's more, but I think you get the jist. When I turned 4, she threw me to the curb and kicked me out. I moved in with my dad, but I would spend the weekends at her place. I eventually had to quit because nothing would stop.
Now, I'm 18, and she wants back in my life. She seems to have surpressed the past where she doesn't remember it. She gets upset because I won't go swimming with her or spend the night at her place. I don't really ever talk to her. She called me drunk one time saying she loved me. I just lost it and cried. I've spent 18 years waiting to hear that, but her actions haven't changed. I don't know. Is it okay for me not to want to talk to her, or should I give her the benefit of the doubt that she has changed?