Is it normal to regret going to a prestigious graduate school?

I complain on this site a lot, but I want to resolve some of my issues and unhappiness. This post is regarding my decision to go to graduate school, which I am starting to regret to the utmost degree. I won't name the school per se, but I will mention that it is one of the more prominent in the D.C. area for all the overachieving nerd types out there (and no, its not GWU, it's better lol).

I should be proud (or so you'd think): I had graduated from one of the most prestigious International Affairs masters programs at 22 years old - the youngest student in my class. I then later found a job as a Homeland Security contractor and did well financially. But the job was miserable - I had been the only black there and told not to answer phones and watched as other "lighter" colleagues of mine were promoted over me. That was nothing compared to the stress of dealing with my so-call "family," who treated me like a live-in ATM, a chauffeur, and waiter. I finally grew the cojones to cut them off and no longer communicate with them. But it was too late, the stress these imbeciles put in my life - along with my stupidity of continuing to deal with them - caused me to have issues at my job. I quit in March 2013.

On the positive side: the experience has made me much tougher - mentally and physically. I've lost over 130 pounds and have fought back very nasty bouts of depression since then - neither of which were easy to overcome. I have come to see that it takes a certain personality and level of tenacity to fight the battles I did. I had experiences most people never have: my first job was reporting to the White House, and I succeeded there for a very long time. I interviewed twice with one of the most selective intelligence agencies in the world. I became published at 24 and made longstanding friendships.

But it's been a rough road. I was 20 when I started that school in 2008, and since then I have been medicated, under therapy, reprimanded, hospitalized, treated like crap by my so-called "family," and genuinely miserable. And all this came with a $130,000 price tag in loans.

No, I can't blame the school for all my problems. I wasn't mature enough when I was earning the degree nor when I first entered the workforce. I made mistakes at my first job (note: I still hold on to my argument that I was very badly mistreated there and had valid reasons to quit). But I can honestly say that the 5 years I spent in D.C. were BY FAR the least happy of my life. In late 2013, I moved to L.A. and (you guessed it!) am still having problems finding a job.

So is my attitude all that great? No. But should it be? Do you think it will get better? It sure as hell needs to.

On the bright side, I think it will get better.

Voting Results
78% Normal
Based on 40 votes (31 yes)
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Comments ( 19 )
  • ArmusWasTheFirstTroll

    When I was 17, I learned to not give a fuck. I learned that mistakes would be made and that there was no point in contemplating "would've, could've, should'ves." The best the thing to do, is to accept what happened and continue to move forward. If anyone is hindering your goal of achieving satisfaction, that person is a malignant tumor which must be eradicated from your life. The sooner you learn to not give a fuck about your regrets and the opinions of others, the sooner you will learn to live without stress.

    P.S.- it is normal to have regrets. In spite of this, it is not good to have regrets. Think of mistakes you've made as lessons learned and move forward.

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    • dbracey

      So do you thinking getting the degree was a mistake? I do.

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      • ArmusWasTheFirstTroll

        Whether or not it was a mistake is your decision. If it was, determine why you believe that and learn from that experience. Next time you'll know what not to do.

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        • dbracey

          A large part of me still believe it'll get better. I am a bit older now (27 yrs) so I see things much differently. I appreciate this post

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  • regisphilbin

    Stop playing the race card.

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  • Darkoil

    Life is shit and then you die, the sooner you understand this the happier you will be.

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  • MangoTango

    I know former attorneys that are now pastry chefs. If that helps?

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    • dbracey

      No, it doesn't. Not unless they enjoy doing that.

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      • MangoTango

        Yes they do. They quit to be pastry chefs. Their happiness is infectious. Probably a selling point, imo. Passion is liberating, catching, immersive.

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        • dbracey

          WTF did I go to grad school for in the first place?

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  • you showed tenacity by finishing your course , you finished , you succeeded, it counts for lots even if you regret it

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    • dbracey

      Thank you, I appreciate this. I think it will get better

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  • howaminotmyself

    Honestly, I think you would feel this way regardless of where you went to school and what job you took.

    It sounds like you are trying to figure things out. Pretty normal for someone in their lateish twenties. Take a step back and look at your life, check the foundations, are they solid?

    Then ask what you really want to do, not what are you qualified to do, what do you want. What makes you happy? Sit in quiet reflection of your dreams and aspirations. Try to ignore the inner voice that makes you feel like shit. Focus on a hobby and figure out who you are, not who other people think you are.

    Good luck

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    • dbracey

      I agree with this post

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  • CheyChey

    I am a business grad student and sometimes when studying I think to myself why on earth am I doing this and why did I get a business degree in my undergrad why am I on this path etc and then I get really anxious. I'll tell you this though even though I might feel like a business degree isn't getting me anywhere and sometimes think it was a mistake, I know that it wasn't a waste getting it. There is meaning somewhere in there even though I can't find it now. Never let meaning seep out of your accomplishments because what you thought would happen didn't. Go back to that time you decided to do your degree and remember why you chose it because at that time it was exactly what you wanted. Regret is awful especially when it comes with debt and mental illnesses like depression and anxiety, trust me I know. I do hope you rise above this.

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    • dbracey

      I still hold on to my belief that this all will get better. I am living check to check right now and I am getting blank "Dear John" letters left and right - all my classmates wound up in the State Department or in investment banking. So yes, I have to hold on to some optimism in order to get through the day, because the reality of the situation is it could be FAR FAR worse. My problems are blessings to some people. But I got this degree to make a difference in the world. Not to work at a call center and translate Portuguese for a very unethical company.

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  • thegypsysailor

    It takes many people half a lifetime or more to find a profession they enjoy. Some never do and settle for a mediocre life of drudgery.
    Today, graduating without a definite goal, to begin their adult life with a six figure debt, seems like madness to me.
    I can see exactly where you are coming from and I hope in time, you will find your way. Until then consider your happiness before you consider the financial rewards of a job; you don't need to go back to a life of undue stress and destructive medications.

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  • KeepsakeDoll

    Was this the job you wanted? Or was it a career your family pushed you into?

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    • dbracey

      When I was studying in Florida, I as recruited by CIA personnel and a professor of mine told me to try to get in the Foreign Service. Because of problems with depression, etc., I wasn't able to join.

      So basically, I went to this school in order to see if I could try to work for the federal government. If I wouldn't have gone there, I'd be happier. I would have just taught history and avoided all this debt and bullshit.

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