Is it normal to slap my daughter?

you should use your words before resorting to violence... but if words aren't getting thru you have no other choice... she is being a panzy tho, my dad would slap me on the head or pull my ear when i was like 5 and i didnt cry because i knew it was my own fault for disrespecting

FOOTNOTE:
I appreciate all your posts, some judgemental and totally critical of me and my child...others more insightful and understanding. Today (not making this up) my daughter came to me in the living room and I was laying on the couch, she tapped the top of my head so I gestured for her to come around. i sat up and she stood in front of me and said "Daddy, I'm sorry I was disrespectful to you. And I'm sorry for talking to you rudely even after you told me to stop.I'm not gonna do it again."
I grabbed her hand and stood up and hugged her. i told her "It's not easy being a parent, and I don't always do things right. But I simply cannot have you disrespecting me. I slapped you because I needed you to stop what you were doing. I hope I don't have to do that again."
Now....did I do something right as a dad? Please answer.....

My mother slapped me...and I learned my lesson damn quick lol!

There is a reason my generation is the laziest, most disrespectful generation, we are called the "me" generation. It's because there is no discipline any more, no offense to the adults here but being a teen myself I have a bit more insight into the teen mind then most of you and if a child is being disrespectful you need to punish them. Raking things away doesn't work, it's the biggest teen secret because most teens don't care if you take something away, I have friends who pretend it's hard for them in order to convince their parents it's a good punishment

Agreed with echoes, because of my fathers discipline I've grown up a man, but I don't think I'd kiss my dads hand lol :-P

To bfingtoucher- seriously I hope you're being sarcastic. Otherwise stop being so Melo- dramatic "is that how you would like to be remembered?" unless there is abuse involved, she will always remember the punishment (as she should) and prob will laugh about it when she is a parent, but that is not how she will remember him!! (unless like I said there is chronic abuse involved). I deal with families who have problems all day and trust me he is not going to be remembered for slapping her when SHE crossed the line and was being defiant.

I think you did the right thing.
My mother used to slap me for disrespect and I'd sit there and laugh at it.
But I said something to my dad one day and he slapped me like he meant it and I don't talk back now. Lol

What you did was wrong.
Violence is not okay and it's never going to get you anywhere.
Except hate and anger.

This makes me wonder exactly what was said and why it was said. But in my opinion, you should never slap your daughter. My father used to spank/slap me when I was out of control, but I also was in severe need of attention. Maybe you should take a step back and think about why she acts out, if she ever does, and contemplate your parenting methods a little bit. And try to be patient with her. The teenage years are the toughest years, and you don't want her to remember this about you when she is older. Hope it works out for you two.

You lost ground with that move. You can gain it back with a serious apology. Model how parents can be wrong and how to recover. Never hit a child in anger. Take her cell or other treasured thing but never hit.

It really pisses me off when someone hits kids, but despite how much I hate it I know that it is necessary, I am a teenager and my peers are more disrespectful than I can believe, parents no longer are harsh enough. I know three families that phisacally discipline their children and the kids are all straight A, well adjusted and happy students, their parents have not needed to punish them in years because they quickly learned to show respect

It is illegal to hit anyone. Your daugther is no exception.

If I slapped my daughter maybe she would not have beaten up her mother. She is now in a "reform school" Slapping children and beading ten are not the same.

You're fine, the fact u feel guilty just means ur a good parent, the fact u slapped her as a last resort when she got out of line makes u an even better parent. She probably cried bc she was in shock which is great you took control, i just wouldn't make it a habit otherwise it loses it effectiveness just like any other punishment.

Absolutely you did the right thing, all these haters saying your an abusive and bad parent obviously have no idea about discipline but you know what? I'd rather go to jail for smacking my kids, than them going to jail because I didn't.

You got to apologize, that was just wrong. That kind of thing messes with young people. If you don't apologize you might get some retaliation or worse. Never hit or slap kids, there are several more appropriate consequences to use when facing inappropriate behavior. When she got sarcastic you should have told her how her grades are important, if she continued then you should have put her on restriction and for further punishment assign a mandatory homework/study session. There is this possibly a website your local school provides so you can monitor their homework (try calling in one day to find out more), in case they use "no homework" to cut out of their work time. Just set up a space with no distractions, like the dining room table, and have her do her homework while you monitor her... You might need to read a book or do paperwork just so it is silent enough for her to concentrate. When finished, you can just scan over to make sure everything is alright.

I'm a bit torn. On one hand it would depend on what she did but on the other, what you did wasn't right. You may think it teaches respect, but in truth it sometimes teaches fear instead. I've been psychically abused at times and it didn't change my "behaviour" instead it cut through me emotionally like a knife. I felt vulnerable and betrayed. It was stressful, because I could turn to no one for support. Some months ago, my grandmother randomly came to me and violently twisted my wrists ,despite my known health issues, than expected me to be "respectful" towards her. No! It only instilled fear. This is "painful" to say as I would like it to stay forgotten... There are much better ways to "discipline" children/teens. Mind you, this might end up biting you in the ass later on. ...

" I didn't apologize becaue I felt I had pre-warned her."

So that's how people justify it these days eh?

Its normal show her whos boss lol she will never give you shit again.

Omg, beneficialpest you are a retard, stop trolling and rant and rave somewhere else, no one here is listening to you.

Benificial pest you are a complete moron, children need disipline, it's all about when you discipline them, you can't do it for no reason and you need to pick your battles, show love afterwards but let them no that the behavior will not be tolerated, slapping a kid can seriously mess them up for awhile but down the road most will actually thank you for it

Good job. I think its screwed to think you can't give your own kid a good smack for discipline. I bet she changed her tone pretty quick. Alot quicker then a grounding or taking away a cell phone and she will probally not talk to you like that again. Lesson Learned!

Closed fist next time? You idiot! I'd never hit my daughter or any child closed fist!
Don't waste my time with foolish posts!
As for the poster who thinks I should take away cell phones, etc...my daughter is 14! She does not need nor have a cell phone. And this situation was actually resolved weeks ago now. And for all of your information...she apologizzed for her behavior! What I am learning is that different kids respond differently to different types of discipline. For mines, this worked.

Coree-- i definitely believe you. People say sometimes in life when you are on the right path and doing the right thing you receive signs along the way to confirm your thoughts. I think your daughter coming to you was your sign. It sounds like youre on the right path of parenting with a good balance of understanding and discipline. Good luck. Thanks for sharing your story.

You are such an idiot, I am a teenager and I think that if I'm disrespectful my parents should slap me, they wouldn't but they should. And yes that is how teenagers talk, at least the ones who are raised right. my mom slapped me once and it was the best thing she ever did because I relized how much of an idiot I was being

It might have been ok to hit her as discipline when she was younger, She's too old for that now and NEVER across the face, it is not acceptable.

A grown man slapping a 16 year old girl. What is your problem?? Would it be ok for some other man to slap her??

Getting slapped across the face by a parent hurts deeper than you think. My mother did that once. I felt betrayed and hurt. I lost all respect for her back then because it was over me just having a boyfriend at the age of 16. Granted, she gained my respect back once I got older and she apologized for everything but still. That's a crappy move.

Last resort slap them once hard but not too hard

The country needs more parents like you, but don't make the slapping thing a habit, be strict and teach them discipline, that's your job as a parent.

When I was a teen, I once crossed the line and dad slapped me hard, I literally saw the start. Thinking about it now, I think it did good.

Don't apologize man, discipline is discipline, my dad used to give me a clip around the ear when I was a little shit and I haven't turned into some kind of messed up serial killer. I've grown up caring, understanding, respectful, honest and helpful. No wonder kids are out of control these days there is no discipline.

If she saw stars then it's bad,if not it all good.

that was fkn wrong to slap her. i already don't like you for laying a hand on your daughter. regardless of the situation. no parent should ever lay a hand on their child. okay like when you have a toddler they need spanking on the butt and time out. but never on the face!! thats abuse! it doesn't matter if you did it ONE TIME ONLY!
if she stepped back than you hit her hard enough to have a negative impact on her. you as a parent SHOULD NEVER LAY YOUR HAND ON YOUR CHILD. you know she can report you to CPS and you WILL GET ARRESTED. you better watch your back. your daughter may be smart enough to do something like that. and you will lose her forever! my dad laid his hands on me when i was 14 and i called the cps. he got arrested. and i was put into foster care for 2 yrs. and i had bruises on my face. so i am speaking from experience of being as victim of child abuse.
I do not approve of any parent hitting,slapping their kid who is grown enough to be "GROUNDED" and have their cell phone or tv taken away as punishment-you just DON'T HIT YOUR KID MAN!
no matter what the situation is DON'T HIT HER !!!EVER!!
you NEED TO GO APOLOGIZE TO HER NOW AND ACTUALLY MEAN IT AND DON'T LAY A FINGER ON HER EVER AGAIN!
IF YOU DON;T APOLOGIZE YOU WILL LOSE HER TRUST FOR EVER. she won't come to you for anything. she will run and hide EVERYTHING from you. YOU MADE A BIG MISTAKE

I think you did the right thing. This isnt a case of chronic abuse. It is a CHILD who is trying to disrespect and walk all over an ADULT. if they are not shown discipline every once in A while they will become a loser always looking for a handout.

I remember one time when I was 13, I was being rude to my mom and backtalking her. She kept warning me and I kept saying yeah right, whatever. Then she walked up to me with a VHS tape and smacked me right across the mouth. It hurt so bad. I never backtalked again. I kept my mouth shut.

It was the best thing she could have done.

That's mean!!!

Wow -- I would NEVER slap my child like that, even if I wanted to. She will never forget that. Is that how you want to be remembered?

You've got lots of people on your side here, apparently, but i believe there have to be better means of discipline. To knock her off her feet -- that's a hard hit from a big man who has lost his temper and his ability to reason out a better way to handle a disrespectful teenager.

No. You warned her.

Coreecarter I do in fact believe you are making that up. I seriously doubt she was over it that fast. Teenagers don't even talk like that. And if she is talking like that I suspect she is afraid of you! Kids should never be afraid of their parents!

There is no insight and understanding in hitting. Kids don't NEED to be disciplined if they are being parented correctly, as in fact they discipline themselves by modeling your behavior. Punishment is an outdated form of parenting. You don't need to punish if you're doing your job correctly. Ask a counselor.

I never once "disciplined" my son. Anytime he did anything "wrong" which is just a normal part of growing up, we sat and talked about it (what he could do differently next time, etc). I never hit him and I do not believe that kids ever need to be hit, it is degrading.

Why does she have to respect you, but you don't have to respect her??? That's what I want to know. Respect is a 2-way street.

You hit her out of anger, there was nothing good or right about what you did.

If you listen to ANY of these posters who say that what you did was ok you are a very foolish man indeed. Just because what you did is COMMON doesn't make it ok. Or normal. Abuse is very common and it should be stopped. Shame on anyone who thinks this stuff is ok.

If I could talk to you for an hour I guarantee you that you'd walk away knowing for sure that it's wrong to hit your teenaged daughter.

I read most of the other comments. I have to say I am shocked at the number of people who told you that you'd done nothing wrong. Those posters are WRONG! I am glad that I do not know them personally. Shame on them and shame on you! Sir, if I knew your daughter I'd tell her to turn you in for child abuse. With a quickness!

She is ALMOST an adult! What you ARE doing is teaching her to hit to solve problems. Is that what you WANT to teach her? Do you want to teach her to abuse HER children someday? You are a lousy father! You need anger management classes and to put yourself in counseling. You should also apologize to your daughter.

May I enlighten you? You DO NOT own your children and you have no right to treat her like that. YOU ARE AN ABUSER.

My father used to do the same thing to me. He did this thing with his index finger - he'd smack the top of my head and it hurt so bad he made me cry as well. One time when I was exactly 16, he made me fall down the stairs backwards doing that to me. I hated him that day and the feeling has never gone away. He is 82 and I am 43 and as far as I'm concerned he can rot in H-E-L-L. I will never talk to him again. It took me years of trying to have a good relationship with him before I finally gave up.

It's not illegal for me to hit my daughter. It's illegal to abuse her...which I didn't. I slapped her....she had no bruise or swelling or redness or any physical scars. And emotionally....? Well she snapped outta her disrespectful tone and has returned to talking to me in a respectful manner.

It's people like Terry that make me wonder what the world is coming too, take a freaking psychology class, teens today are addicted to positive reinforcement so sometimes the only way to get through to them is to do something drastic, now if someone does it in anything but an extreme case or if they are consistently abusive it can cause psychological damage but in cases like this one it can actually have a positive mental affect

And btw f*ck these other guys telling you to use your words and all that crap.
You use words with teens now-a-days and they'll walk all over you...
My dad tells me stories on occasion about when he was growing up in the 60's and 70's.. He got a bamboo cane broken over him and he never talked back again...

NO that only teaches her to be 1 embarressed cause u hit her and 2 feel ALOT of anger towards u think about the reason WHY she was sarcastic about what u were talking about.
all of our anger sarcasm anyhting comes from with in so whatever it was that u were talking about was obviously a sore spot. good luck.... i have 4 daughters! ahhhhhhhhhhh xxx

completely normal

that's not ok, you didn't get any message across. you didn't resolve anything did you. except now, she won't feel like she could come up to you for anything. it'S trust you know.

If she didn't come back and apologize I would slap the shit put of her again!

yes its normal and fine. kids need discipline and its not about keeping the kid scared of you.
my dad used to discipline me when i was a kid and i absolutely hated him for it. but now that i am older, i actually appreciate that he did that because if he didnt put me in line then i would have totally screwed up my life, took harder drugs, slept around etc. i would probably be dead if it wasnt for him waking me up to the real world. so i appreciate and love my father very very much for doing what he did.
a lot of people think that taking stuff away works. well it doesnt. my mum tried that and she tried grounding me too. so i went out on friday night and didnt come home until sunday night. she said to me "i thought you were grounded" and she never did it again. when my mum tried taking money away from me, i just went to my grandma, put on my innocent face and she gave me cash. i always had a way of getting what i wanted.
some kids you can discipline them in a kinder manner but with others that are as stubborn as me and the posters daughter, then a slap is in order.
i dont know how things work in other countries but since they made it illegal to hit your kids here, teenagers are complete pigs. they have no respect for anything or anyone because they havent been disciplined correctly. i am going to take a quote from someone on this site and i apologise if i offend them but i would rather go to jail for hitting my kid than them going to jail because i didnt.

Well done sir. I wish there were more parents out there like you!!! None of this fluffy shit you see now days "what you did was wrong, how do you think we should fix the situation?" fuck em, kids brought up like that are the ones who are going to mug my fucken ass one day

my parents slapped me when i was a kid and when I was in my 20's they still slapped me. they beat me up almost every day for the slightest thing. I was 26 when I moved out. now they've passed away and it is a relief. I don't miss them at all. When i go to the cemetery when they are buried I urinate on their grave. You daughter is going to hate you just like I hate my parents. I don't blame your daughter for hating you if she does

I don't think you should have slapped her. I think you should have told her if she is going to be a rude and disrespectful little bitch that she should be leaving the house and finding a place of her own. She deserved more than a slap, you should have taken out your belt and whipped her. Or used a closed fist as someone else stated.

Why not?If she wants to act like shes out in the street,then so be it.

But she is 16 she's almost an adult.

my moms slapped me before and i came out fine. now if it were my dad id get his ass beat no joke.

sorry for the typos

If my parents ever hit me I would never forgive them.My farthers tryed to hit my but my mums stoped him or Iv moved away fast enough. Most of the time I trust and love my parents fully but if I got actualy slaped by my farther the way you slaped your daughter I would hate him for a long long time. I wouldnt feel safe in that house and would live in fear until i eirther get out or my farther says hes sorry, and even then Id still be nervouse around him. I would never be able to look him the same. Yes, teenagers are going off having sex or drinking, or geting poor grades, but hiting your child doesnt help the situation. They could get depression or have trust issues. Geez, think with your heart not your hand.

I used to be a right s@#t when I was younger and often got a beating...but it was almost my mother that disciplined me. For some reason you are easily ready to forgive them. Speak to her when she has calmed down...restrict her luxuries temporarily. At that age every child thinks they are right. But I disagree with hitting her at that age...relax man...don't allow ur anger to run riot!

When I was that age a occassional smack for being rude never went astray. I'd avoid open slaps accross the face and hits out of anger however. It's wise to warn them (as you did) that if they keep it up give them one, make sure you're under controll though

And if you really believe what you did was ok - then test it in the real world not on a forum that's anonymous. Go tell a counselor what you did and why and see what they think and then come back and tell us. I suspect you don't have the guts. I suspect you have the guts to bully your daughter but you do not have the guts to see what a professional thinks.

Also, just some more insight that may shock you. Don't be surprised if she shows up pregnant soon. My teenage years were marked by me being pregnant by some abusive asshole TWICE. Why? Because my father never hugged me, he only hit. Because my father could not say he loved me and mean it because deep down he truly resented me (long story there). I just wanted physical and emotional comfort and affection, like ALL children do. And since I could not get normal affection from my Dad, I turned to boys my age and even way older to supply what I wasn't getting from him.

I became a mother at 19 because I needed to get away from my Dad. I knew I got pregnant on purpose to basically run away from home and run away from a father who was cold, not there for me and abusive.

So, is this what you want for your daughter?

Get professional help now! Maybe you can spare your daughter the kind of misery I went through if you face the truth. You ARE an abuser. You have anger management issues that need to be addressed immediately.

As a side note: have you ever bothered to analyze WHY your daughter is getting bad grades? Trust me there is a reason why and it's right there in front of you. Instead of hitting her for mouthing off because you are disappointed with her grades, why don't you become committed to solving the REAL problem here - which is her bad grades and NOT her mouthing off. It honestly sounds to me that she is VERY angry with you and that that anger goes back years. In fact, that could be EXACTLY WHY she is getting bad grades! Open up your eyes!

You are setting her up for failure and you are setting her up to be in abusive relationships. If you keep it up, you will see, she will end up with abusive boyfriends - at which time you can blame yourself!

People like you never stop and think of the future. Of the consequences of your actions. You think "my daughter mouthed off to me so I'll smack her one and she will learn her lesson." You HAVE NOT stopped to think of the serious EMOTIONAL AND LONG TERM DAMAGE that you are causing. Your parenting is VERY short-sighted.

Think of it this way: a girl gets bad grades, her father confronts her about it because he is upset and disappointed and concerned about her FUTURE. He is concerned because he wants her to take her future seriously. He is concerned because he wants her to think of the consequences of her actions. But then she mouths off and so he hits her. Did HE think about the consequences of HIS actions? How do you teach your daughter to think about the consequences of her actions if you don't do the same? You need to learn how to SAY what you are thinking, not HIT what you are thinking!

You need the shit knocked out of you! Seriously! How would you like it if someone more than a foot taller than you, who outweighs you by a landslide SLAPPED YOU?? Well?

I will tell you exactly what your daughter is in for if you keep doing it and don't get help. Years of heartache. Do you realize AT ALL that what you are doing is setting her up to attract abusive men?

I have struggled with abusive relationships my whole life. A few boyfriends of mine were physically abusive. I've suffered from horrible, terrible, CRIPPLING low self-esteem my whole life. When you grow up with an emotionally and physically abusive father like yourself, you grow up thinking YOU AREN'T WORTH MUCH! Is that what you want her to feel?

That is the truth you apparently are not seeing. Have you any idea how long she will need to spend in counseling because of your abuse? IF she realizes it! It will take her years to understand the connection between her abusive father and how awful and unproductive her life is (and it's already started, hasn't it, with the bad grades). It will take her years to figure out that the reason she is always with some guy who treats her like crap is because of YOU! Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. By the way, you never get those years back! I hate my father the most not for the hitting, but for robbing me of productive years.

AHAHAH. How did you warn her? Not like you said I'm gonna slap you. Also that's abusement.(:

I was brought up in the way that if I did get hit for doing something wrong that it was never my face. Also there is an age that a young adult should not be disaplined physicaly. 16 is past that age.

It depends how disrespectful she is. I'd rather not slap her. Not because its wrong to slop my own kids, but because it may backfire.

I say you should try to bribe her by holding things away from her so that she realizes she needs your help and money and advice. She should not take luxuries that may be around for granted.

Also if that doesn't work you should use harsh voice, but not shouting. You should make it sound like you are hurt by her. But if you see her do something wrong, you should also make sure you are not doing the thing you criticize her for, or she'll say you're being hypocritical

closed fist next time

Omg your mean!!!! My dad would never ever slap me! Maybe a smack when I was like 5 but 16... You should be ashamed of yourself. Apologise or it will be stuck in her head for ages. And you will feel guilt