Is it normal to still be jealous of this one girl?

100% Normal
2 Comments

So there was this girl who dated my bf's brother a while back and she got real close to his family, including my boyfriend. She is very attractive, curvy, exotic looking and seems nice but at the same time conniving like she has ulterior motives. Anyways a while back word got around that she was caught cheating on her boyfriend with mine (we weren't dating at the time). I wasn't jealous back then and figured it was understandable since she was very pretty and we weren't dating then anyways. I put the silly scandal out of my mind.

However, the first time I saw how they acted together I could sense something deeper and their connection was so strong it made me sick to my stomach. BF had a lot going on then, but basically that day he ignored me for her and that was the last time I saw him for months while he dealt with his problems.

During that time apart I thought about them and how they smiled at each other and flirted. I thought about how they lived in the same house for a couple years and wondered how close they got. I also thought about how he didn't contact me much during her stay. That made me feel like she was all the gratification he needed, even though they weren't in a relationship.

To this day, my bf will not give me a straight answer as to what happened between them. Sometimes he says they fucked, but he usually denies it. Sometimes he exaggerates a number of fucks. But really it's their emotional connection that gets to me. He holds onto love notes from her, accidentally downloaded a fb pic of her on my phone and is just altogether shady about the situation. He says they were just really good friends and his brother treated her like crap. Basically, they were there for each other and I was booted out. She was at the hospital with him when he was ill. He was her relationship guru, always there to be the good guy while her boyfriend cheated on her. I hate this, I can't get over it and I hate that I can't get over it.

She doesn't come around much anymore, maybe once a year or so. BF seems to avoid her since I told him I heard they fucked and how I feel about that, but I can't help but wonder about his true feelings for her. Sometimes I think maybe they belong together, even though we have a family and a longer, but less inclusive history together. If it weren't for her dating his brother I feel like they would be together. I also feel like I'm just "higher quality" in my boyfriends eyes, or a better investment, if you will.

I want us both to be happy, even if that means not being together. I've dated other guys, but he is the only one I've truly been in love with. It would drive me crazy to know that he was in love with her after falling in love with me. I have to feel special and I don't want her to be the special one. If she is, then I think he should just go for her so I can feel special elsewhere. I have tried many times to talk to him but he just changes the subject/exaggerates/lies/"jokes" or whatever he can do to avoid telling me the truth. He says he'll tell me "one day".

Is it normal for jealousy to last this long? How can I make it stop?

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100% Normal
Based on 3 votes
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Comments ( 2 )
  • dom180
    10 years ago

    Let me get this straight: did your boyfriend have sex with someone else while he was in a relationship with you? If so, stand up for yourself and dump him. Don't be taken advantage of, because he clearly doesn't care about you the same way you care about him. It isn't your job to magically get over his mistreatment of you, it's his job to accept the consequences of his actions. If he keeps giving you different answers, the same applies because you have a right to a straight answer.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      10 years ago

      Well, no. If they did have sex it is not likely that we were together at the time. He's always said he would break up with me before cheating on me and... well... we've broken up a few times. So I feel like he might have abandoned me for her or something, since they lived in the same house and were apparently alone together quite alot. It's complicated because he won't give me a straight answer, I don't know exactly what happened. The rumor was that his brother caught them having sex, which is just wrong whether we were together or not. His brother is a douchebag, but I feel like that makes him just as much as a douchebag. But like I said, he denies that they had sex. He told me the other night they kissed passionately, but denied that the next day.

      I don't know if he's secretive because he likes me being jealous or if it's something deeper.

      Thanks for your response :)

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