Is it normal to still fear being punched/kicked by total strangers?

73% Normal
25 Comments

Years ago, during the Heavy Metal days of the 80's and i was in middle school, bullies would punch and kick me for any number of reasons--because i didn't care for heavy metal, because i was fat, because i had zits, or because i was wimpy. They would haul off and hit me in the hallways as i went to my classes, or would kick me from behind. Even now i am affected by what was done to me. Even though in my mind i know it's not likely that total strangers will not want to hit/kick me, i can feel my mind and body tensing up around strangers, psyching me up and getting me ready to strike in case it might happen. i feel like the Blue Beetle, when the scarab on his back is telling him to prepare to make a preemptive strike. i have never acted on it, though. i just feel like, whenever i am around male strangers, they might hit me. And as for women, i imagine they're thinking the same things that the girls back in middle school would say out loud to me--that i am fat and ugly and wouldn't be caught dead with me. Naturally, at 41, i still don't have a girlfriend, let alone ever kissed a girl. i don't look strangers in the eye, fearing that punch in the face or arm or gut.

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73% Normal
Based on 37 votes (27 yes)
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Comments ( 25 )
  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Maybe it is. Those kids conditioned you to expect unsolicited physical attacks and, apparently, two decades of adult life hasn't conditioned you to feel at ease around strangers.

    My parents, especially my father, used to wack me around quite a bit and protecting myself from their blows was only rewarded with more punishment. They did it until the day I moved away from home when I was eighteen. It took me a long time as an adult to learn I was safe and didn't need to cower and flinch whenever a male near me raised his hand higher than his shoulder. I tried taking a martial arts class to build confidence in protecting myself, but I was hopeless, the instinct to submit was too great. What actually did help me overcome it, was being in a loving relationship for a long period of time with someone who would never hit me.

    My situation is slightly different than yours because you are afraid of strangers and I was afraid of non-strangers. So, perhaps, my situation was slightly easier than yours to deal with. But, as an adult, have you ever been attacked? Hasn't the past two decades of peaceful adult life re-conditioned you (even slightly) to feel more comfortable and trust that your chances of being attacked are pretty slim?

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  • NeuroNeptunian
    11 years ago

    Shit, that sucks but it makes sense.
    I'm afraid of random strangers shanking me and I've never been shanked.

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    • shuggy-chan
      11 years ago

      im so shanking you now

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  • randomperson1000000
    10 years ago

    "mind your damn business. live and let live." If only the US incorporated these ideas into our foreign policy :)

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  • lufa
    11 years ago

    To the OP, I don't know why you allowed yourself to take all that abuse for so long. Most people wise up and get in shape so people don't pick on them.

    Why would you keep living your life in exactly the same way you were in high school?

    In my case although I didn't experience physical bullying, it came close. I was the smart kid, but also was into sports, so I couldn't be pigeon-holed as a nerd or a jock or whatever.

    I didn't give a shit about what others thought-however there was one guy I remember who used to taunt me a lot and tried to start fights. He was about my size and I'm pretty sure I could've beaten him up if we fought, but didn't because he had a gang of scumbags who'd back him up in any fight.

    A few years passed by, I grew taller and stronger than him and you could see the fear in his eyes when I saw me-he shook my hand and was sucking up to me. I remember how badly I wanted to break his face, but we were on a public street. I gave him the look like "we're not done yet by a long shot." One day he might get what's coming, I don't forgive, I don't forget.

    Around that time I was inspired by a good buddy of mine who got into great shape. I had a skinny girlish body, but also got well built in my early 20s-never had a problem with anyone since then. I got out of shape due to university and other things, but plan to return to it.

    Anyways, as Ronald Reagan once said "weakness invites aggression, strength deters it." How right and wise that wonderful man was.

    There's no secret to this-if you don't want to get bullied, stop being a weakling. Oh and even if I was seen as a nerd, I still managed to date a string of beautiful girls, even before I was well built.

    Also I intervened in a couple of bullying incidents to stop some bigger kids from picking on smaller ones. I wish I could save the world but do whatever little I can.

    Yes it does have an impact on one's psychology, I used to be more happy-go-lucky, but it made me more introverted and suspicious of people, but I think it's a reasonable defense mechanism. There's many screwed-up people out there in the world, so you have to watch your back.

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  • kingsleycrowne
    11 years ago

    once bitten twice shy

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  • hairyfairy
    11 years ago

    I was treated badly by my father, & I was very timid growing up as a result, so I got bullied at school as well. This made me very wary of all people, because I know that humans are always on the lookout for any signs of weakness in others, & if they see any they pounce!

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  • [Old Memory]
    11 years ago

    Interesting. One of two things happens when someone is bullied. They become scared and fearful for life or they learn from the experience to safeguard themselves in the future.

    I myself was bullied in school for having long hair and liking nirvana ect..

    Years later I had worked out and got really strong and proficient in martial arts and boxing.

    I hunted down the guys that gave me hell in school. I broke the orbital bone of one guy who was a popular football player. That's the eye socket by the way.

    So long story short- Use your brain and get focused. Become brave to protect what is right but Do not become like them.

    Or forever wallow in pity

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    • lufa
      11 years ago

      nice to see the bullies get what they deserve, though the eye socket thing might've been overkill, unless he did something like that to you.

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      • [Old Memory]
        11 years ago

        it was a straight shot. quite hard.

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        • lufa
          11 years ago

          He had it coming, bullies don't deserve anyone's sympathy.

          Some people are just born evil, I couldn't imagine hurting anyone unless they did something to me.

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  • MilleBornes
    11 years ago

    Sad excuse of a life. That was 80s, middle school days. you had plenty of time to try to change your life, but instead you never moved on. Only you could do that. You didn't need apologies from every bully like this was some kind o happy ending movie.

    Did you try, TRY to lose weight defend yourself, go out and talk to women, have a friend, break the scaredy cat attitude? Anything?

    Conditioned response my ass. If that were every moment of every day of your life, then that's closer to having been conditioned. Wasn't mommy and/or daddy there? Granny, siblings, friends, fat camp counselor? Someone wasn't hitting you, otherwise, with your weak mind, I'm sure you'd have taken your life by now.

    Clean yourself up, go out and stick to an exercise regime.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      Do you seriously believe that I WANT them to apologize? I never asked them to do so then; nor do I want--or realistically expect--them to now.

      I don’t really care about losing weight, or even life in general; in fact, I hope my blubber kills me one day. I do have a few friends, but they’ve always made the first move to be friendly. Some of them are even married women. I can speak to a person (man or woman) when I’m doing business, like buying something from the store. But I’ve grown to expect the same kind of rejection I got when I went to college and asked women out. Now I don’t care to try and ask women out anymore. I realize by now it’s a waste of time and breath. It’s not so much a scaredy cat attitude I have NOW, more as it is just a cold attitude toward strangers. I don’t grimace at them, but I don’t smile at them either--I just look somewhere else, like they‘re not even there.

      It WAS every day of my life--in middle school and junior high. Not a lot in high school, but it was there, too. Only in college did it stop for good. I wish I had taken my dad’s advice and had him teach me boxing, but I stupidly feared that would make me more of a target. Oh, and I did try to take my life once--but I envisioned my family crying over my casket and didn’t have the fortitude to go through with it. So I’ll just kill myself slowly by digging my grave with a spoon.

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  • rero2
    11 years ago

    It's called isitnormal ... You give your opinion so did I bro:) age decided to share his life issue and I'm being sly and mean about his weight so he can work harder and see the difference of how life change.
    Anyway sorry for disturbing you but guy who asked this question you should try and start doing activities which involve people and be social someone will love you
    P.s I think this story is a troll

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      11 years ago

      You need to exercise that gray(or GREY, if you prefer) matter between your ears and learn exactly what a troll is. I suggest looking up Wikipedia's definition. As you said yourself, it's called IS IT NORMAL. I wanted to find out if I am normal for thinking this way or not. I'm not looking for an emotional response. And WHOSE topic am I off from? I'm the ORIGINAL poster! YOUR the one who is trolling by saying I don't respect myself. I do respect MYSELF, I just feel like I have to be prepared for anyone who doesn't respect me in case they want to fight me. I think maybe I used the wrong word, however, when I said FEAR. It's not so much a FEAR that I have of people, as it is a mental preparedness for imagined aggression, an inner anger and hostility that is unwarranted and makes me not want to make eye contact with total strangers in order to avoid a fight. I don't WANT to fight anyone, so I avoid doing the things that got my ass kicked back in school (looking strangers in the eye, etc). Back in school, I was only actually afraid when bigger, older kids would gang up on me, but I was never afraid when it was one kid. I remember getting into a fight with this one guy who would not leave me alone, and it ended with me hitting him on the back with my hands clenched together in a double fist, and him punching me in the nose. Other kids had to hold me back from going after him, that's how "afraid" I was of him. But then the bell rang and we had to be good little boys and go to our respective classes. One point I agree with you on, though. I do need to work out, in case someone were to hit me. That way, when I go at him with murder being my intent, I won't be the one who gets murdered.

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  • rero2
    11 years ago

    youre fat.. nuff said. respect your body to get respect BRO.
    P.s I was that steve who kicked you ass!

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    • [Old Memory]
      11 years ago

      Hey douchebag. Everybody has the right to learn for themselves. Idiots like you have no right to impose a harmful and shitty attitude on others.

      I'd fuck you up in a flash bro. Watch how you talk to people.

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      • dirtybirdy
        11 years ago

        I am totally opposed to these thumbs of mine!!! Once again I accidentally hit the down thumb :( I'm sorry. You think it would let you fix it or change your mind damn it!!! But nooooo.

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        • [Old Memory]
          11 years ago

          I'll fuck u up bird

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      • rero2
        11 years ago

        hey bro.. fuck you. do you even bench?
        I said a fact.. and i think it like this = you're fat= you have no respect to your self why should I respect you?
        and since he is fat and not confident and get people to bully him he should start going to the gym and losing the fat.
        "when I was fat nobody knew anything about me. and now everybody wanted to know everything about me." - said by someone who was realy fat.
        I am not being sly or anything but you should lose your fat and then your life style will change but now if you stay like this I will not respect you as much.
        p.s if you were fat and really funny then at least people will still love you :)
        and I was not Steve who hit you

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        • [Old Memory]
          11 years ago

          Whatever. You are young and the adults will give you time to form your opinions so that you don't come across like a moron. Keep lifting weights.

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