Is it normal to want a wedding gift back?

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17 Comments

A friend of mine got married kind of quickly, but they seemed a happy enough couple with a supportive family and church community. For their wedding gift I contributed some money toward their honeymoon (not a huge amount, but roughly equivalent to one night in a hotel and generous given my income at the time). They went on their honeymoon and apparently had a good time. After some six months of soul searching my friend realised the heterosexual monogamous marriage dynamic wasn't working for them, and they separated. I kind of feel like I partially paid for them to go on holiday/vacation. As a single person, never married, I wouldn't mind someone subsidising a holiday/vacation for me. Of course, I can't ask for the money back, but it doesn't stop me feeling like I got ripped off. In many ways I feel like getting gifts for your wedding implies that single people don't have more or less the same material needs. Is it normal to feel this way?

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50% Normal
Based on 12 votes (6 yes)
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Comments ( 17 )
  • DADNSCAL
    2 years ago

    A gift is a gift. They did what they wanted with it, and it’s crass to want it back.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      I guess it is, but it feels different to a birthday or Christmas gift. It would have been nice for my friend to have figured all that out before the wedding. They figured it out before kids got involved, but not before everyone forked out on them.

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  • MonteMetcalfe
    2 years ago

    I know the feeling. I was in someone's wedding party & spent money on a gift plus tuxedo rental which wasn't cheap. Then they got divorced. In the future if asked to be in a wedding party I want a prenup agreement with the couple that I get a refund if they break up.

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  • Somenormie
    2 years ago

    Once you give it to them there's no point in receiving it back.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      I could use the money myself.

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  • olderdude-xx
    2 years ago

    Be glad that they figured out that they were not compatable so quickly.

    Marriage is a risk. I married my wife not knowing if it would work out, and she married me with the same understanding (and actually has a home to go back to and a high paying job in her country as well: Maintaining that home in a distant land, without visiting a lot, is a challenge - and she would need to spend a month or so back home to set things up to sell it).

    In our case the gamble we both took paid off - big time. But, both of us was prepared early on to walk away if we could not make it work; and there was a major issue about 1 year into the marriage that we had to work though. It took 9 months to get to a point where we figured that we could actually successfully work through it.

    Marriage is about working through problems in order to have a better life together than you could have as a single. No one who's ever been married a long time ever said it was easy... and it does not work out for many.

    Your gift should be more properly thought of as a gift of hope that they could make it work out between themselves. They at least tried... something so many people are not even willing to do.

    Your a good person inside... just learn to look at the big picture.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      I understand, but at the same time I wish I could simply announce "hey, I need new stuff" and get everyone to give me things. As a couple, they received things needed to start their life together; but many of those things would helped a single person too. I'll get over it, though.

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  • kelili
    2 years ago

    The feeling is normal but it would be inappropriate to ask for money back and it's a relief to read that you won't do that. I think that it is great that she has not only realized that it was not for her but that she had been courageous enough to get out of it.

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  • CDmale4fem
    2 years ago

    In the game of poker "A card played is a card played." You gave a gift with the "hopes" they would work out. You took a gamble, count your blessing you weren't the married one. Now hes going to have to pay for attorney fees and all that happy horse shit that better known as divorce.
    So Guys remember "No matter how good she looks, someone somewhere is tired of her shit." Also just because she can suck a golf ball through 20 foot of garden hose does not make her a good choice for wife. That would mean you are thinking with and for your dick. So snap out of it.
    Write the money off. It was a gift when given. You didnt have a clause for "in case of separation I want this $ amount back." Again write it off, be the better person and just forget that petty amount of money. Get on with life, and put that in your memories.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      The divorce, if one does happen (it's unlikely, but their spouse might be a little more accepting), will be cheap. There are few assets to fight over, other than what they received as wedding gifts. No kids, no real property, and the marriage was short enough that their original assets will stay out of the settlement. The divorce will cost less than what they received in cash and assets as gifts … which gives me an idea … anyone want a short sham wedding?

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  • Tommythecaty
    2 years ago

    Apparently you and I have different definitions of the word petty Sir...

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  • Cable4nerds
    2 years ago

    I can see why you feel the way you do and j get it but the principal of gifting someone to someone is the idea that it’s something For Them without any strings attached. I don’t think a gift is something you should give if you think you could ever want it back.

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  • 12345678912
    2 years ago

    You have to give them a gift and they deserve it because more than half of the couples getting married are starting out on RUINING their fcking lives ;)

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  • JustAHuman
    2 years ago

    Maybe you should have a "still single" shower like Dilbert did.

    https://assets.amuniversal.com/cfbb72509f79012f2fe600163e41dd5b

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  • Curiouskitten444
    2 years ago

    Fair enough. Theres a lot of money that goes into getting married though so try to keep that in mind

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  • hauntedbysandwiches
    2 years ago

    It's a gift it's not right for you to ask for it back

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      I'm not going to ask for it back, obviously.

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