Is it normal to want my son out of the house!?

My wife and I had four kids. The oldest went to college and made something of herself, she works for a zoo and for wildlife preservation. My son learned a trade and became a building engineer and makes good money. My other daughter got her degree in Child Psychology and is a wonderful housewife and servant of the community and school, and her children are well-adjusted and grade levels ahead of their peers.

So that leaves my third son, 26, sitting in my god damn den right now playing some shoot 'em up game on his fucking ex-Box. He has never held down a job and refuses to go to school or learn a trade. I told him that I am not expecting him to be an over-achiever, I just want him to do something with his life other than sit around playing video games and getting drunk with his friends!

I just want him out of my god damn house and living his OWN life! I have tried setting him up with interview after interview, I told him that I would fund ANY ENDEAVOR that he wanted, from Peace Corps to being a fucking Hare Krishna cultist, anything other than sitting in my den, smoking pot and playing ex-Box and going to random parties. I even told him that I will make the first rent payment for him if he moved out! This bullshit is not right!

I have offered him therapy, his Mother has tried talking to him and trying to get him into some nice hobbies and activities and he refuses! He says he is a Jug a low clown and that it is against his religion to work for the man, I'm not buying that bullshit, I have never heard of a religion that tells its members to do anything other than work their asses off. Is this what is acceptable now? I just want his ass to grow up and get out of my HOUSE!

Voting Results
86% Normal
Based on 87 votes (75 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 68 )
  • Captain_Kegstand

    I am most likely going to get massively attacked for saying this, but it is my opinion. Juggalo = Fucking retarded as shit. The idea started with people that were underprivileged being proud of their means of living instead of ashamed, and wasn't a bad thing at all. It has evolved into so many bad things its hard to count. Drugs, violence, and rebellion against "the man". The "juggalo" community is classified as a hybrid gang, and serious threat by the FBI now!

    You have given him every opportunity to make something of himself, and it's about time to put your foot down. If something is not done he will live in your den smoking pot and playing video games forever. Do everything you can to get him a job, set a move out date, and stick to it. If you keep giving in to him he wont change, tough love time!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Allistalla

      Hey everyone I know this is kindve off topic but does anyone know a good job ? to get when you have no collage and you need work economy sucks and I have no trades or useful skills at all anyone know somthing good ? I know cop , flight attedent , anything else that makes a decent enough living ?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • Captain_Kegstand

        Depends on how dedicated you can be to your job. The people I work with that take the job seriously make $120,000 or more every single year. But that requires 12 hour shifts at least 6 days a week, plus a lot of work off the clock.

        Selling cars is an extremely easy job to get, requires no education, and you will be trained in all the skills needed on the job. The money is amazing in this business, which was not affected in the least by the bad economy. The down side being huge amounts of stress, huge amounts of time invested, and a lot of work.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
    • Well my son can't brag about being lower income. We are upper middle class. My wife and I both finished college and we worked to save up for a house, back when you could still do that, and we bought our first place and had our first kid and I experienced enough success in my career for our kids to be raised in a nice home with a full time mother. My wife is a great lady with a good head on her shoulders and wouldn't dare conceive a child if she had any doubt in her mind as to how she would provide for her children. The world is cruel to children from low income families.

      We have spent countless nights discussing what we did wrong. He just came home from school one day and told us that we were trying to shove Jesus down his throat and brainwashing him with religion and lies. The curious part is that we never made our kids go to church if they didn't want to. We encouraged freedom of thought in our home, and two of our kids did stay home on Sundays from the time they were old enough to legally do so and one of our kids is still an atheist and when she visits she still stays home on Sunday morning.

      We're not yokels or ignorant old folk by any means. We understand that America is not the same country we were raised in and that is, in many ways, a positive thing. While we understand that what we are as a family is not what is defined as the only definition of family anymore, we still hold the belief that parents should work hard to give their kids a better life than they had and kids should work hard to have that better life afforded to them. He's been at this for about four years now and I'll start talking to my wife again about how to get him the hell out.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • Captain_Kegstand

        I didn't mean to insinuate that you were yokels or bad parents if I did. It sounds to me like you provided a great life for your kids, and raised two successful well adjusted offspring.

        My beef lies exclusively with the "juggalo" lifestyle. It started as a community of acceptance for lower income and under-privileged people, and has turned into a group of people who strive for that. They made it "cool" to accomplish nothing in life apart from smoking pot and crashing in your den. They have established a strong idea of who "the man" is, and instilled it in peoples heads that they have to fight a constant battle against said "man".

        The point stays valid that you have to do something about this, or you will be stuck with a permanent live in. I have no parenting experience myself so you are the authority in this matter. If I was in your shoes, there would be a specific move out date set, and continued efforts to get him employed. You can only do so much before he has to be held accountable for his lifestyle!

        Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

    I'm mixed. I feel bad for him on one hand cos he clearly hears how much better all his siblings are compared to him. probably every day.

    can't be mentally healthy to be told daily that "you're a fuckup, everyone else is better than you"

    but on the other hand you're also enabling him. why not set up a move-out date. if he refuses put his stuff to the curb and change the locks.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Lady, I didn't tell him that he was a fuck up. What kind of parent does that? Are you assuming he is a fuck up from what i said? Because you have to be. Come on. I know I didn't say that I think or tell him that he is fuck up. He's my son for Christ sakes, do you talk to your kids like that?
      I just want him to get a fucking life outside of my house.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

        "do you talk to your kids like that?"

        Perhaps you should reread what you wrote about him then. Since this IS how you are talking about him.

        You started off comparing him to everyone else. How everyone else "made something of themselves".

        Then you go on to say about how he does nothing with his life.

        Perhaps now's the time to really review what you say about him in public - and perhaps what you say to his face. Since you don't want people thinking that you call him a fuckup.

        And what about the enabling. You allow him to drink and smoke pot in your house and game all day long. Then you wonder why he has no ambition?

        Comment Hidden ( show )
          -
        • I seriously fail to see where I called him a fuck up. All of my kids moved out, it's not like they are doing nothing with their lives, it's just him that it living here. I have 3 others kids. I felt the need to mention them. If you're going to say that I am comparing them to him, then you're really putting words in my mouth, here.

          If you're going to grill me for the way that I run my household, you're more than welcome too, but I never "allowed" him to do anything, I just don't know how I feel about getting Johnny Law involved.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
            -
          • Angel_in_a_Glass_Dress

            1) I don't have to put words into your mouth. Not when quoting you worked so well already.

            Sure sure, it's a "fact" that they made something of themselves. Then you describe him... and you're somehow NOT comparing them? Why even mention how successful the others are if you're not trying to compare their success to his lack of it?

            2) If he has no job... where exactly is he getting the money for pot and games? Neither falls from the sky for free.

            And I never said you had to get the law involved... but since you want him to stop you might want to consider... stop letting him have access to funds to buy either.

            Perhaps consider taking all of it away and telling him he has to earn it back by getting a job.

            Or as I suggested, giving him the ultimatum of "move out".

            Comment Hidden ( show )
              -
            • He is getting his money from an inheritance he got from my father. Originally it was for college and that's what he used it for but when he dropped out he started spending it on shit and I couldn't touch it, it was his bank account.

              It's not like my love for my children hinges on their success but when they do become successful I am very proud of them. My younger son was a dopehead living in a house full of dopeheads and working as a convenience store clerk before he went back to school and got his trade certificates. Didn't make me any less happy with him, he EARNED that money that he spent on dope.

              I just want this kid the fuck out of my house and doing something with his life. In no universe would I consider partying at night and playing video games all day "doing something" with his life.

              Comment Hidden ( show )
  • RockerRoseanne

    Tell him to do games tech at uni, he will be able to make money making the very games he loves to play!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Avant-Garde

      That's a really good idea!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • RockerRoseanne

        Thanks, it is what a friend of mine is doing. if he didnt do it he would be lazing about his fathers house. He had to push himself to actually go but it will be worth it in the end. =]

        Comment Hidden ( show )
  • joybird

    I completely sympathise with you as I have seen this time and time again. The problem with you enabling him is that he is relying on you growing older and weaker. You are perhaps even now, less physically strong than him so you need to be more clever.

    As he's your son, you don't want him to have a criminal record for smoking pot etc but it is disrespectful for him to do it in your home. He has not 'earned' the right to live there and eat your food etc. I assume your other children have spoken to him but he's treating all of your concerns as a big joke.

    My own son of 15yo is obsessed with these stupid games but I have now discovered the switch to turn off the upstairs ring main for all the electric sockets :o) Oops some faulty gadget has tripped the electric ;o) You really need to make his life uncomfortable eg. no ready food available in the fridge (put one for yourselves in the shed/garage), take away any excess TVs (so he has to sit and watch what you are watching), take money off him for his keep, make his friends UNwelcome by telling them to GET OUT!!! If he doesn't like this, he can always leave with them.

    I think you need to find the cheapest rental you can and offer to pay the rent on it (without a time limit), get him into it, and after say 6 months tell him you can't afford to keep paying it - so he'll have to get a job. Once out of the house he won't want to come back to your 'petty' rules and ways. The first step is to get him out, then you're practically home free - as long as you don't ever let him move back in!!

    You really need to put your foot down as you are doing him no favours.

    He has it far too easy and you are not helping him to make it in society. Explain to him that you really do mean that you want him to leave. It is about time that you and your wife had some time to yourselves and he is just being selfish and inconsiderate.

    Out of sight is out of mind, so he may be playing daft games all day but at least not in front of you, aggravating you and your wife.

    I just watched a programme last night where the 18yo son killed the parents coz they wouldn't give him all their money. Hard to believe but I think that yours thinks that if he's the last one in the house, he gets to keep everything when you two pass on. I know my youngest brother thinks like this - he's 30+.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • jondoerandom

    i don't think he needs a therapy.. it's just nowdays EVERYONE has issues and needs a therapist. Yeah, so your kid might have some self esteem problem, but you're damn right to be mad about it. This kinda "problem" happens only to people with sheltered existance -food in the fridge, roof over their head -sure, why bother. Get him to pay you rent or ask him to move out. It sucks, it's unfair, don't expect him to like you afterwards but it works. I went through this and 9 years later -I don't hate my parents anymore, I think they were right cause I was doing fuckall, never even tried to get a job until i had to pay my bills or live on the streets.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • CrazyButBeautiful

    You're making his life way too easy. Where is he getting his money from? He doesn't have the drive to do anything for himself? Maybe it's because he doesn't have to. Some people wont do anything unless they have to, so I guess...kick his ass out. He's a grown man and taking advantage of you.
    It's natural for a parent to want to give their children the world, but its just not good parenting. He has to learn survival skills.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • He bums rides, typically. Also, his grandfather, my Dad, left him a few thousand in his will intended for college or college related expenses and that's originally what my son used the money for but now he uses it for shit and there's not much I can do about it. I don't even know ho much he has left but from what I have heard here and there he has a little while left before he runs out.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • CrazyButBeautiful

        He has money? Possibly for an apt. :) Sounds like a plan to me! Now you dont have to feel guilty about helping him move forward in his life. At 26 he should be more than happy to have some independence!

        Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Avant-Garde

    He needs therapy. He probably feels insignificant to his "successful" siblings and therefore isn't doing anything with his life. He sets himself up for failure.

    His actions do sound annoying, but try to view from his point. As I aforementioned, he really needs a therapist. Even if you have to force him, he needs to go to resolve his true feelings and problems.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • flax

    Call the police and tell them your son is down their smoking pot and let them raid the place and arrest him. Don't bail him out. In the meantime, pack up his shit and tell him he has to leave, and that you won't have police at your door because of his bullshit. May e a bit of fear will make him start using what's left of his brain.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Justsomejerk

      *there

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • flax

        My apologies. Thank you for the correction.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Why don't you & your wife maybe move house too a smaller place & not have a bedroom for him? That would give him no option but too work & get himself out there :/ he sounds like he has had it a bit too easy in life and dosnt think that he needs too work because of that. Good luck x

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Captain_Kegstand

      Good thought, although it would suck to have to uproot your entire life just to get rid of a screw up kid!

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Justsomejerk

    His life sounds pretty sweet, where does he get the money to buy pot and computer games if he doesn't work?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • he is ungrateful you sound nice offering all that help, annoying

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • suckonthis9

    You are very fortunate to have raised three successful children. I understand that in the 70's and 80's there were very few people who fully understood the consequences of exponential population growth. Would we have been better educated and more informed of this, you and your wife would probably have decided to stop after having two children. That would have created a successful opportunity for someone else, and you would not be experiencing the problems you are having today with your third son.
    Times have since become far worse, with an explosive population growth and diminishing resources.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • I love how progressive and open minded the younger generation has become. I hate how even the educated amongst you have used your intelligence to justify what is, in all actuality, the laziness of our youth. There is always work to be done. There is always an old woman in need of care, always children that could use a tutor or a house in need of repair. There is always work to be done, that will never change. But there are not enough people willing to do it. And not nearly enough people willing to do it because they enjoy doing it.

      Sorry, friend. But opportunities are not always just given. Most of the time, they have to be taken. But from my experience, people now expect for a little work and dedication to go a long way. It doesn't work like that now and didn't back then.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • Just so you know that guy is in his 40s, So it is not just the "younger generation".

        Comment Hidden ( show )
          -
        • I didn't assume he was. He was talking about decades that a younger person probably wouldnt be too familiar with. But thanks for the heads up.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
            -
          • Its not really a question of how "progressive" and "open minded" younger generations are today. There are kids out there who do want to work hard and do something worthwhile, but its far more competitive today then it ever was back in the 60's and 70's. Today you get a college degree it means you are qualified to tend bar, (its astounding how many college grads actually do that). Its also relevant to take into consideration the actual cost of living today. Back in the 60's and 70's a middle class house was less than $100K, maybe even $50-$60K Brand New. Now its close to $300K, kids today dont know how they can even come up with money for something like that. Its very disheartening.

            But as for your problem with your youngest. Taking a harder line with him is basically your only option. Give him plenty of chores to get done, if he doesnt get them done throw out his X-box. If he doesnt get the idea, take away his home cooked meals or whatever he eats in the house, etc...

            Anything regarding therapy or coddling is just nonsense and only leads to enabling.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
    • IINtobeonthiswebsite

      Dumbest liberal excuse I have ever heard...so, following your logic, what happened to #3, I thought they had 3 successful kids, dumb-ass?

      And, if you look at the fucking age groupings, you'd realize, it is the eldest of the 4 who is still at home....so, how does your logic work?

      Listen, everyone is different, this one has figured out, life is pretty good at home, and, Mom and Dad don't put a lot of pressure on him to perform...but sounds like that is soon to come.

      He'll figure it out, or, he'll go cold and hungry! Personally, I'd let him be until he is 30. By then, he'll figure out all the hot chicks are married...all that is left is divorcees who already have kids. He'll find one who fucks him good, he'll end up marrying her and taking care of her bastard children. Instant family, just add water. Much the way my father-in-law did, minus the job part. He just liked living at home, saved his money, Mom and Dad enjoyed him being around, his life was quiet and pleasant, till he met my mother-in-law.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • thrasher777

    wtf is an ex-box?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • iEatZombies_

      A cardboard box that is recently broken-hearted.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
    • GuessWho

      An xbox that has since been destroyed...?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Remember that a 26 year old woman is a woman, but a 26 year old guy is a child still, men are 7 years behind woman mentally.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • 19 is a child?

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • Well just think, how smart, world wise and mature is any 19 year old lol.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
          -
        • Maybe I grew up too fast.

          Comment Hidden ( show )
            -
          • Well if you are around that age then ofcourse you'd think that. When i was that age i thought i was so smart and mature and knew so much about how the world really works, along with every other 19 year old i ever met. But the truth is you don't, everyday as you get older you realise more and more just how dumb people are as teens. I'm 25 now and still learning everyday, it's given me alot more respect for my elders and made me realise how much arrogance youth breeds. When you're 30 you'll look back and go "man i was dumb."
            At 19 you can only mimic.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
  • anti-hero

    Juggalo isn't a religion, it is a way of life.

    If you didn't want kids, you should have thought about that before you spent all that time fucking.

    Have you ever thought that maybe you didn't raise him right? You probably fucked him up pretty bad.

    If you don't want him there, throw him out. He is 26 it is not illegal to just throw him out the door. Next time he goes to a party, gather all his shit and leave it in the yard and change the door locks.

    Of course if he is a real Juggalo he will just live in your yard with all his shit.

    I guess what I am saying is that you are fucked and can't win. This is why I am not having kids. Sorry you fucked your life up.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Religion, way of life, whatever you call it, it is a piss poor excuse to be a bum. And where the hell did you get that I didn't want kids? I know it's difficult for many young folks I talk to to understand but some people do plan their children.

      I am 60 years old and healthy, married to the most wonderful woman on Earth for 35 years, and have a good retirement savings and enough left over to spoil my grandkids and part of that includes that fucking that supposedly ruined my life. I love my life and my kids. This is one inconvenience. I pity anyone who has the mentality that one inconvenience constitutes a ruined life.

      My wife and I did our best with all of our children. The problem is that eventually they developed a mind of their own. That's what happens when kids grow up. They become people. Who knew? Point is, there's no such thing as a perfect parent.

      Sounds like I'm screwed though. I just want him to do something other than sit on his ass and play video games and go out and get drunk.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • disthing

        If he is content playing xbox, getting drunk and doing nothing, then why would he want to stop? He has to have incentives to change.

        As long as you allow him to live off you, there's nothing motivating him to do anything different. Therefore you have to provide the incentive.

        Explain how you feel to him, and then start making him as uncomfortable as possible, remove as many luxuries (that you paid/pay for) from him as possible. Don't buy him food (he can get his own). Don't allow him to use your internet (unless he pays) - you could change the password so only you and your wife know it. Give him a reason to go get a job and get out of your hair!

        If he still won't budge, then resort to drastic measures.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
      • Shackleford96

        I really like the way you defended yourself in this comment. Thumbs up, sir.

        Sorry about your bum-kid problem. I don't have any experience with this, or I would try and give you some advice on the matter. I do agree with a lot of the other comments on here about taking away his luxuries and stuff that you pay for though. It probably won't be easy, but good luck!

        Comment Hidden ( show )
      • anti-hero

        Throw him out.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
          -
        • Shackleford96

          Haha, I suppose I did "anti-troll" you on this one. XD

          Sorry Parrish, but he had the better comeback :)

          Comment Hidden ( show )
            -
          • anti-hero

            I thought it was a troll post at first. I didn't really feel that way, I thought I was fucking with a troll.

            Comment Hidden ( show )
              -
            • Shackleford96

              I did enjoy and get a laugh out of this line by you though:

              "Of course if he is a real Juggalo he will just live in your yard with all his shit."

              Comment Hidden ( show )
  • IINtobeonthiswebsite

    totally normal.

    Best, or at least fastest way to get him to move out, start coming on to him. If that doesn't work, creep into his room at night and snuggle with him in bed, make sure you are naked.

    If he asks you what you are doing, put your finger up to his mouth and say "Shhhh....your mother doesn't understand me, but, I think you do!!!!"

    That oughta send him packing, like, right away.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • trollx1

    kick his ass

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • dongwhan

    I didnt take the time to read all responses, normally I do, but I do have a solution to getting your grown man of a son out.You and momma need to live NAKED around the house til he's gone and dont just let him hide out were he cant see ya,invade his space and make it yours again.good luck.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • thinkingaboutit

    I feel like this is a birth order issue.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • He's the second child.
      Housewife: 30
      Him: 26
      Building Engineer: 25
      Zoologist: 23

      You make your call.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • thinkingaboutit

        haha, well it's not my call to make! If his upbringing really was wholesome, he probably learned how stay under the radar and do as little as possible. I know that some people here are quick to insist that you MUST have done something to him, but I don't think that's always the case.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
  • iEatZombies_

    All due respect, if you're going to hand him an easy life, he's going to happily retrieve it.
    Our generation is an opportunistic one. He sees an opportunity to do what a lot of people without pride only dream of.

    Take this opportunity away from him. It's your house, make rules.
    No friends over (call cops if they won't leave), no xbox at all (if you purchased, taketh away), NO money- at all (most people are lucky to live rent free at his age, let alone get money), and NO DRUGS (seriously, call police). Just some suggestions.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • GuessWho

    Pack all his shit up and send it to an apartment in the next city and pay 3 months' rent. If he doesn't get a job there by then, he'll be kicked out a couple miles away from home, where it will be inconvenient to come back. (Don't let him back in if he does)
    If he wants to sit at home and play Xbox all day, he must find the money to fund this himself.
    He won't be "working for the man," he'll be working for himself.

    --- OR ---

    Enrol him in the Marines, Navy or Air Force.
    They'll force some discipline onto his ass. (and he may even get to shoot stuff up for real)

    What's more: To cover the cost of training him, the Air Force would probably take him in on a 10-year contract. That'll keep him out of your house with a job for quite a long tome. (at which point he'll hopefully not want to return)

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • justsomekidfromcanada

    Kick that kid out. You've given him more than enough chances. And he's a juggalo? fuck that. Next time he says that smack him. I'm not a person that thinks violence is a good method of getting things done but what he's saying is fucking ridiculous. He is 26 for god's sake.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • Yeah i suppose so, the games tech thibg sounds like a great idea though, he just needs too find something he is passionate about i guess x

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • mirandaclark

    Oh and I bet he's playing call of duty. -_-

    Comment Hidden ( show )
      -
    • Shackleford96

      Hey, that's almost offensive to me! I used to be into Call of Duty.

      Even though you do have a valid point, lots of people give video-games a bad name (and Call of Duty is certainly a popular one), but I wouldn't be a true gamer if I didn't stick up and say this: Not all gamers are lazy bums!

      There, I feel better now :)

      Comment Hidden ( show )
        -
      • mirandaclark

        NOOOO i know that! Lol There's nOthing wrong with COD! IHe said he was playing some shooter game so i made a guess assuming it was COD :)

        Comment Hidden ( show )
          -
        • Shackleford96

          Oh, okay. We're all good here then, carry on ;)

          Comment Hidden ( show )
  • mirandaclark

    Change the locks and put his shit out on the lawn. He's a bum.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
  • nightmare28

    Just take his things and throw them out of the house, you're not doing him any favors by letting him be a bum.

    Comment Hidden ( show )