Is it normal to want to hear a joke?

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?

This is a long one:

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I got somethin' I bet you never seen before" And then the bartender said, "Well I don't know, I've seen a lot of things." So the man put a little pet carrier on the bar, opened it, and then a 12-inch tall man walked out.

Then the man placed a miniature grand piano on the bar. The 12-inch man started playing it. The bartender was amazed and asked, "Where'd you get that?!" The man replied, "There's a genie who will grant you any one wish you have. He's just next door" So the bartender went to the genie and the genie agreed to grant him one wish.

The man wished for, "A million bucks" The genie then nodded and 1 million ducks started falling from the sky. The bartender went back to his bar to talk to the man who owned the 12-inch man. The bartender said, "Man, I think that genie's hard of hearing or something. I asked for a million bucks and he gave me a million ducks" The man replied,

"Well duh he's hard of hearing! Did you think I went in there and wished for a 12-inch pianist?"

Two guys bumped into each other in the supermarket

-- Oh, excuse me, I wasn't paying attention, I was looking for my wife.
-- Man, yeah! It's a big ass store! I'm looking for mine, too. Perhaps you've seen her. She is tall, thin yet curvy, long lustrous brown hair, naturally tanned skin, green eyes and has the longest legs you'll ever see. Oh, and she's wearing a white minidress and nude heels.
-- Uuh... No, no I haven't seen her.
-- What's your wife look like? I'll keep my eyes open.
-- To hell with mine, let's go look for yours!!

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, ''Shut up...you're next!''

Chuck Norris once caught an STD but he let it go.

Chuck Norris once made a penny flinch.

I have other jokes but you said liked Chuck Norris so there you go.

So a new requirement was imposed for passage into heaven. The requirement was that one must die of unusual and strange circumstances.

So you have three men in line at the gate. The first one is up and St. Peter asks him, "How did you die?"

The man says "Well, I have had this suspicion that my wife has been cheating on me while I was at work, so I come home and go into the bedroom. She's shocked that I'm early and I just knew that he was still there. I go look out the window and see this prick hanging from my balcony. So I go on, I grab the fridge, and I drop it on him and smile as I hear him crush on the ground underneath it's weight. Then I had a heart attack from lifting the fridge."

"Ok" said St.Peter, "go on in. Next?"

The second man approached him and told his story. "Well, I was working out on my balcony when I tripped over a piece of equipment and fell two stories before grabbing hold of a balcony below. A man came outside and I screamed for help, and he just went back inside. Next thing I know, he's dropped a fridge on me and I'm here."

"Go on in", said St.Peter, "next?"

The third man approached him and said "so I was fucking this dude's wife and I hid in the fridge when I heard him coming through the door..."

Horse walks into a bar. Barman says, "Why the long face?"

What do you call a person who has multiple accounts?

Allistralla

If you pick up a phone and Chuck Norris is on the other line. He didn't call the wrong number, you picked up the wrong phone.

This is my all time favorite joke:

Man walks into a bar and pauses: at the other end of the bar, there's this guy with a big orange head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the big orange head?" And the bartender says, "It's an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell it to you."

So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the big orange head says, "Yeah, I'll bet you want to know the story, huh?" To which the man replies, "Sure, if you don't mind."

The man with the big orange head sighs and says, "You know, I've gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it's like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little -- when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out!

"The genie thundered, 'You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.'

The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the big orange head continues: "So I said, 'Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.'

"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And all of a sudden I have rings on my fingers and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of money and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills -- I mean, I was loaded!

"So I said, 'Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.'

"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible.

"The genie booms, 'You have one wish remaining.'"

The man with the big orange head pauses and sips his beer. He says, "Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a big orange head.

Before the BoogeyMan goes to sleep, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

Two blondes walk into a bar, you think the second one would have seen it coming.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, because Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

2 monkeys in a bath,
1 said "woo hoo ha ha woo hoo ha ha hoo",
the other said "why not put some cold in"

Teacher: So, an abstract noun is something you can think of but not touch... Can you give me two examples...?

Little student: Your tits?

Chuck Norris & Lance Armstrong got into a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won…by 5.

You know who else wants to hear a joke? MY MOM!!!!!!

a farmer is on his tractor untill he finds a sick bee on the ground, the farmer decides to nurse the bee back to help. when the bee is heathy again he thancks the farmer and gives him a wisle to blow when he neads help.
one day the farmer is on his tractor when it runs out of fuel, calles the bee and it comes,the farmer explains what is wrong so the bee goes away, a few minets later a hole swarm o bees comes and goes in the engine then they leave.
the farmer starts the engine and it works,
-how did you do that?- he asks
-well.. bee-pee- the bee awnsers.

Why didnt the man call Banny marry? Because he had a bananna for a penis!

I'm blonde and I bought myself three books yesturday! And I've been reading :D

A man is looking to join a Native American tribe. He goes to the chief and asks him what he needs to do to join the tribe. The chief says,"First, you must drink 10 gallons of our strongest whiskey, next you have to go down to the cave down the street and go to the bear and rip all of its teeth out, finally you have to come back here and give our oldest woman an orgasm"

The man downs the whiskey like it's nothing. He then walks down to the cave. While he's in there, the chief can hear the great struggle taking place. There's yelling, growling, and the sounds of bones being broken.

The man comes back out with a broken arm, black eye, and scratches on his chest. He goes to the chief and says,"Now where's that old lady's teeth I need to pull out?"

It's normal! People like to be happy and have something to laugh about....life can be such a drag sometimes, so why not laugh every chance you get!

yay jokes are coming :D

It's red, and when it hits you in the eye, you're dead. What is it?

A train!

Why do old peoples skin sag? Because theyre being pulled to the underworld!!BWHAHAH.

What number is more than the infinite number? Chuck Norris's number. ^_^

WhAts the last dream of Jesus on the Cross? Scrap the down parts BAHAHAHA rofl

Thanks!

"I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor... I am Pagliacci." Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains."

Knock knock.

how do you make a plumber cry?

kill his family.

why did the boy fall off his bike?

he got hit by a bus.

why was the little girl crying?

she was in the middle of getting raped.

if you yell at a donkey long enough, you eventually get a little horse/hoarse

Sorry for my english...i try my best....soooooo

3 guys were talking

" i have the most little head in the world
" and me...the most little nose in the world "
" and me,the most little penis in the world...

They all went to guiness records and after the consultation they talk:

" i told you i have the most little head"
" yes,me too...the most little nose"
" well...someone knows who is justin bieber??"

A pirate walks into a bar
The bartender asks "what's with the steering whell in your pants?"
The pirate says "Arrg! It's driving me nuts!"

what do ducks smoke?

quack
bu dum shsh

thank you one and all for the laughs :D

A man goes to the doctor :
-i think i am a dog...
-- really? Since when you think that?
-since i was a little puppy
O,Q

Who's belt size is the equator? Yo Mama Earth.