Ask Your Question today
I’m 30 and never been in a relationship because I can’t develop swag and confidence like normies do because I’m on the autism spectrum. I’ve been thinking there’s a chance I’ll never find love so I want to experience sex one time.
Please don't support that industry. You also HIGHLY increase your chance of STDs
OP, I feel for you. I really do. And some of the comments on here are absolutely horrible. It's none of these people's business to question your diagnosis and they shouldn't be mean to you just because you have autism, or use autism as a slur. You probably get that your whole life, and it probably sucks.
I have never had sex either, and I'm a similar age to you (32). I'm not autistic, but I have sexual urges just the same as you do. My desire for sex increases with loneliness. I feel it less when I am with people who are good to me and who care about me, because then I am less lonely. But having sex with prostitutes isn't the way to go. For one thing, it doesn't cure loneliness. At best, from what I have heard, sex cures loneliness like 'hair of the dog' cures a hangover: it delays the bad feeling for a little while, and then you feel it again. For another thing, sex is hazardous stuff in a physical, emotional and spiritual sense, and when not handled with care it can mess people up. The healthiest way to do sex is in a permanent situation where there is trust and where you are not lonely, or not to do it at all. You don't need sex to be happy. We're just wired to think we do.
OP does mention the worry that they'll never find love. Living without sex is possible and you can live a fulfilling life without it. But what should they do for the urge to be with someone they love and who loves them back?
That's not a loneliness that can be minimised, and I do feel it myself.
Having a housemate who is my best friend and who 'gets' me really helps. The hard thing about it is that I will never be her 'number one' person, and that when her work forces her to move, she will have to move. And she is married and has a family, and they will always be her priority.
Friendship is beautiful because it is freely chosen and freely sustained, but the lack of institutional security around it does make it fragile. If I could live with my friend permanently, I might be reconciled to not ever finding a romantic relationship, because the mutual care, respect of boundaries and tolerance of weaknesses, emotional intimacy, trust in each other's best intentions when one person doesn't understand why the other does or requests a given thing, the ability to admit our weaknesses to each other and be confident that we will never be belittled, vilified or taken advantage of, the fun times we spend together, the ability to disagree well or to say 'this thing you did hurt me' without it causing a big raging argument, the ability to say 'sorry' to each other and to know that when we hear it it's sincere, and the ability to hold together in moments of crisis, are all there in that platonic situation. If I were in an utterly sexless marriage where we didn't kiss or even touch each other, despite my disappointment I would still probably consider it a good marriage if it were otherwise as healthy as my friendship with my housemate.
In a way it's just sad that all that keeps friendship together is the will to keep communicating and that it can go adrift so easily. There is no relational 'glue' quite like sex, or even just romantic feelings, that neurochemically compels friends to stick together. But it is still beautiful, and so worthwhile to invest in strong, healthy long-term friendships. Among the many advantages, spiritual and secular, you don't just do good to each other 'in the moment' in those kinds of friendship: I can well imagine that the friendship also influences your relational style and confidence around people as a whole.
Stop blaming your incapability on dispositional issues. So many people will just say or do the most stupid crap and then try to justify it with, "Oh, but I'm autistic." The fact that your dispositions are garbage is not an excuse.
If you never had to ask a girl for a kiss on a date (because I can’t ready faces), then you’re lucky because it’s a major part of attraction and spontaneity that I can’t crack. Also, being witty and quick in flirting are traits that I’m unable to master even though I went to bars and did Toastmasters 5 years straight. Put yourself in my shoes, our brains are different.
"I can’t develop swag and confidence like normies do because I’m on the autism spectrum."
I'm autistic, had 4 girlfriends, lost my virginity at 20 in a one night stand & if I wasn't A-sexual & didn't like it I would/could have had it multiple time in the 7 years after that. You're either too lazy to work on your social skills & want an excuse for you laziness, or you're trolling as a autistic.
If you truly were autistic, you’d realize that even after watching 5 years of comedy, going to bars and reading pick-up articles, i still can’t become more witty and funnier in my approach and make a woman feel attracted to me.
Tell me, ThatOneGuy, can you read body language? I can’t. I need to ask a girl when I’m on a date: “Can I kiss you” because I can’t tell if it’s the right time. How do you read faces?
Tell me, ThatOneGuy, can you flirt without being creepy? I can’t think of anything better than say “hey cutie. You’re so gorgeous. I want to date you”. Still can’t get it down. Smh
Tell me, ThatOneGuy, how do you handle a girl’s s**t tests? The last crush I had, the girl asked me: “Do you tell every girl she’s pretty?”. And I couldn’t tell her anything other than: No of course not. You are truly a needle in a haystack. Then… she lost interest because I was honest.
Being witty, flirty, reading body language and being socially clever is practically impossible to learn. Been there, TRIED IT.
"If you truly were autistic"
Legally diagnosed when I was 7, get a disability check for it to this day.
"Tell me, ThatOneGuy, can you read body language?"
At first, no I couldn't. Until 2d grade I honest to God thought when people made facial expressions they were making fun of me. I forced myself to figure that out with near decades worth of self-tutoring, now I'm to the point to where I honestly think I pick up on more things than the average person does. I can almost always tell when someone's lying now or if someone's a drug addict or an untrustworthy person.
"I need to ask a girl when I’m on a date: “Can I kiss you”"
Never do that.
"Tell me, ThatOneGuy, can you flirt without being creepy? I can’t think of anything better than say “hey cutie. You’re so gorgeous. I want to date you”"
Don't initiate.
"Tell me, ThatOneGuy, how do you handle a girl’s s**t tests?"
Have no idea what that is, if that's them testing your patience best thing to do is don't give a shit.
"The last crush I had, the girl asked me: “Do you tell every girl she’s pretty?”. And I couldn’t tell her anything other than: No of course not. You are truly a needle in a haystack."
Appropriate responses: "No" (while showing little if any interest) or "only when I mean it" or "if it'll get me laid" (in a half joking half sarcastic manner)
"Then… she lost interest because I was honest."
Because you're not a challenge anymore & the above responses are all truthful if you don't want to lie.
"Being witty, flirty, reading body language and being socially clever is practically impossible to learn."
I am living proof that is bullshit.
"Been there, TRIED IT."
And you gave up because you're lazy. If you give up this easily at something you actually wanted to get better at for yourself then you definitely aren't going to be attracting anybody. Which leads me to think there's probably more to this than just your abysmal social skills. So now you tell me:
What is your hygiene like
What is your physique like
What is your voice like
What are your facial expressions like
What is your walk like
What is your assertion like
And are you capable of physically defending yourself
(Provide pictures, videos & audio recording. I will do the same if it will please you, we'll figure this out together)
I apologize for being late. Here’s a video of me for 45 seconds. Copy the link
https://m.imgur.com/a/aPKnmE0
It's called the "autism spectrum" because some people have it more so than others; have you considered that this user's ability to function is lower than yours?
If he was a low functioning mentally challenged one than sure, but he's clearly not since he's intelligent enough to form paragraphs with correct grammar, keep on track with a debate & form coherent counterpoints. I Spent 11 on my 13 years of school in CDC classes with other high functioning autistics like him & me and all of them that wanted to be more sociable did become more sociable, It just took years/decades of practice/tutoring/training.
If you can afford it go to Germany. Legal prostitution. They have areas where they sit on display basically and you can pick and choose like your picking up groceries
Use a condom,
Dont eat her out, dont cheap out. Theres probably websites on the internet you can find them.
Be careful dont bring too much money with you she may try to rob you or set you up. Dont walk out the room and leave your wallet around her.
There are applications where you can meet people only for sex. You just have to be honest with them like you've been here so that both of you know what the other is looking for.
For everyone’s information: Jesus went to a prostitute and people worship the guy.
I feel like you guys should be making like an autism town or something is that fucked up to say
"Sex workers" are like pigs they are filthy and should not be touched by humans
It's normal and there's absolutely no shame in it. People can judge you all they want, but until they've walked in your shoes, they have no idea what you're going through and so don't have much of a right to judge you for this. Besides, this is a victimless crime, so they're only judging you for not living up to their principles, rather than for anything actually bad. So screw them, it's your life, you should live it how you want (as long as you don't harm anyone else, which you're not doing in this case). It's your money and her body, so it's no one else's business what you both do with them.
Just make sure to find an independent escort, and not some street prostitute whose being controlled by a pimp or a drug addiction. I'd probably also stay away from foreign sex workers, since there's a possibility they could be victims of human trafficking.
You may not want to do this though, not because it's immoral or because of what other people think, but because you may end up regretting it. You may get a girlfriend soon after this and regret not losing your virginity with her. Like I said, it's your life, screw what other people think. So just make sure you're not doing this because you feel like you have to lose your virginity, because of what society says.
I've never really understood the distaste behind sex workers. I would never hire one myself (primarily as I don't need to) but if two people agree to the agreement then go ahead.